


Heaven Beside You

by ShameInYou



Series: Layne and Jussi Staley [1]
Category: Alice in Chains
Genre: Drama, Drugs, F/M, Het, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 52,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2433893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShameInYou/pseuds/ShameInYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Layne Staley attempts rehab one final time to kick his drug habits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
> This is what Layne looks like in this story. Just imagine a mix of this look, with how pale and gaunt he was looking in the late 90's. He's bald and he wears this hat over his hairless head.

Layne sat there in his chair, arms crossed, and staring into space. He was in rehab, a place he never thought he would actually be ever again.

So much had happened to him in his life to lead up to this point. He was here and he was in this support group with other heroine addicts. Someone was standing in front of the group talking and crying. Layne fucking hated this. He hated having to be around a bunch of strangers. He hadn't spoke yet and he honestly wasn't sure if he ever would.

He didn't want any of these strangers knowing his business. He had in later years, become a private person. He still had that nagging feeling deep within.

_Why am I even here? No one fucking cares if I die._

He just couldn't shake that feeling. He sat there, barely recognizable. Things had gotten really bad for him. He had become dependent on the needle and in recent years...he hadn't given a shit whether he died honestly. He had spent thousands...maybe even millions on his drug of choice over the years.

He leaned forward in his chair, his fingers intertwined between his legs as he stared down at the floor, bouncing his knees nervously as he sat there, listening to someone go on and on about addiction and what it had done to ruin their life.

Layne smiled to himself as he was lost in his head. He could remember why he decided to come here in the first place. 

His sister Liz.

She was the only one who gave a fuck about him. No one else did. Everything had fallen apart in his life up to this point. His band, his love life, everything.

Layne had been the lead singer for a band called Alice in Chains. Sometimes when he would take smoke breaks, a few folks at the rehab would recognize him. It sort of annoyed him but he put on a fake facade for them. For the most part, people left him alone.

The band had pretty much fallen apart. His ex-best friend, Jerry Cantrell had gotten a big ego towards the end, which had been built up by their record company. Layne had been addicted to heroin on and off since the early 90's. The record company were nothing but a bunch of greedy fucks. Alice in Chains was a product to them. They weren't people who had feelings and needs and lives...the band was just an object for them. 

The executives had built up Jerry's ego so high that Jerry and Layne, by Alice in Chain's last album, were fighting over song writing. They wanted Jerry to start singing songs...and that made Layne feel like he was slowly and surely being pushed out.

They had a contract to finish out...and Layne recorded two more songs with Alice in Chains in 1998 and that was it for him. He and Jerry had done nothing but fight the entire time. Layne got to use songs he had written for the session.

After that Layne was done. He was not speaking to any of his Alice in Chains band mates. They knew what the record company was trying to pull and not one of them stood up for him. He felt like no one really cared. He just spiraled into a deep and dark depression, thinking about his family problems over the years.

He was lonely. He wanted to be in love. He wished he had someone to come home to. He had wanted to be a dad. He thought that by now in his life, he would have a wife and a baby on the way. He felt like no one understood him.

He had a girlfriend but she died in 1996. She was addicted to and that's what ended them. Layne had loved her alot. He had a delusion in his mind that she would get clean and they could be together. Layne had gotten clean for a little while in the mid 90's, but this girl never got clean. She was spending Layne's money and using him, and it was the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he had to end it.

Somehow he thought ending this relationship would make her see the error of her ways and make her want to get clean and come back to him, but it didn't. She moved on. She forgot about him and then she died.

She forgot about him, just like everyone else. Layne's dad was never there. He was in his life off and on. Layne's dad had left the family when Layne was a little boy. Years later Layne would find out that it was because his dad was a junkie...just like he was.

Layne had enough of his dad's bullshit. It was amazing to him how his dad had done drugs with him in the early 90s, only coming around him when he found out his estranged son was a rock star. He had taken advantage of Layne, using him. And then his dad got clean. He was clean and reading his bible, while Layne was struggling with this shit.

Then there was Layne's mom. Layne's mom called him constantly, but it was as if she was terrified to come around Layne while he was like this. Layne had tried before to go to rehab, and he had asked his mom to come with him for support. Her reply was that she "didn't have a problem" and that "she wasn't the one who was an addict" so she didn't see why she "had to go."

Layne hadn't even talked to his therapist about all of this yet. He only talked about his band issues and not the deeper family issues.

Layne cringed when he thought about telling these strangers his business. This rehab was definitely different from any rehab he had been to in his life.

Layne had tried rehab nearly 13 times in his life and all of those attempts had failed! He always felt motivated at first...then as the programs would progress he would feel that no one really cared and he would just give up and go back to the same old shit.

The only thing that made him happy.

The H.

At least on the H he didn't have to be here. He didn't have to constantly think about how terrible people were and how everyone had done him wrong.

He had millions of dollars in his bank account but he was fucking lonely. No one understood him. He truly understood now that money could not buy happiness.

Layne scratched his chin as he continued to stare down at the floor. 

He sighed, sitting back again and crossing his arms over his chest, swallowing hard as he finally looked on at the person just telling their whole life story.

He thought about the reason that prompted him to be here. His sister Liz had been pregnant. 

Layne couldn't believe it when she called him. She had conveniently called him between drops, when he was waiting for his delivery and he wasn't nodding out. Layne was happy for her. She was having a child, she was starting a family with her husband Greg.

She and Layne seemed to talk more after that. Whenever he was all there, he would give her a call. It was so surreal to see his sister pregnant.

She had come over to his condo in Seattle one day to see him. He sighed when he remembered that day. She was crying and she was upset at the way Layne was living.

People had tried this shit on Layne before though. He'd let them into his world and they'd shed tears for him, acting like they were so concerned...and then when shit hit the fan, they'd be nowhere to be found when he really needed them.

Layne just yessed his sister to death, just like he did everyone else.

He was just about ready to give up but then his nephew Oscar was born. 

Layne was so excited for his sister. He took just enough H to function that day...He videotaped the whole experience. She looked so happy holding her newborn son. Layne even got to hold him.

Layne had never held a baby in his arms. Oscar felt so fragile when he held him. He looked down at that baby and it made his heart hurt.

He stuck it out for the rest of the time but when he got back home to his condo that night, that's when it hit him. He was so upset. He felt so lonely. He had really fucked his life up.

He called his sister the next day, desperate, begging for help, not caring that she had just had a baby a few days before...and that her baby needed her.

Layne needed someone, anyone. He didn't want to die. He just couldn't. There was a child in the family now...and Layne had always wanted children. He probably never would. He could be the greatest Uncle ever to Oscar.

The next thing Layne knew, his sister was at his place. They were on Layne's computer, researching facilities.

Eventually they found this one. Liz made some calls and over the course of a week, she had gotten the ball rolling. She was the one who brought Layne to this place.

She set it all up for him. She brought him here. She sat through the introductory meetings with him. 

At this point Layne felt like his sister was the only one who cared. Layne was going to try. Layne was still feeling depressed every now and then. He was going to try really hard. He honestly felt like if he couldn't get through it this time, then this would be it. He would just waste away. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. This took too much out of him. 

He was conflicted, he wanted to be able to do this alone because he hated interacting with people, yet he needed people to help him get over this thing.

This thing had ruined his life. He wasn't sure what his purpose in life would be if he got over this. Maybe he would just move to the country and continue with Art, something he hadn't done in a few years. He would get a bunch of animals and they would be his companions.

Humans surely hadn't done much for him over the years. Layne was tired of being alone. He wanted to be lonely but not alone. He always had to do this shit alone. And that was the hardest thing to come to terms with.

Layne sighed, biting his lip. He had already gotten through the hardest part. He had to be hospitalized during the first month because his withdrawals were so bad. They had him on medications to control the symptoms. Half of the time he felt like a walking zombie. He hated medications, but he would do whatever they told him this time to try and quit. He would try and follow all directions as best he could.

They were also helping him with smoking. He was trying to quit, but sometimes it would be hard, especially when someone would tell a really bad story up here. It irked his nerves and he just had to have a smoke.

Layne sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. He wished this shit would be easy. He wish he could just snap his fingers and be out of this hole he was in. He wish he could go back to the good times and not started this path. He wish he could just have a perfect life.

This rehab was different from all the other rehab facilities he had attended. This rehab was located far away from Seattle, where the drug dealers were at. They couldn't get to him here. The Center was located on the beach, with a fenced in area for the patients to spend time during their recreation hours. The beach was a good place to sit and relax and reflect. He had a nice, tastefully furnished room with his own private bathroom. It was one of the biggest facilities that Layne had ever seen. There were sponsors, councilors, doctors, an infirmary, various activity centers. It pretty much had everything. It was sort of like a college almost. The price tag was pretty hefty though but money was nothing to Layne. He could afford it.

Layne pretty much kept to himself for the most part. He had been in the program for nearly 3 months now. He didn't speak up in meetings or talk to anyone. He stayed in his head for the most part. Once a week he would call his sister and sometimes he would speak to his mom. 

The next thing he knew, everyone was clapping. Layne shook his head and looked forward and looked around, clapping his hands. He sat there as chairs started shuffling as everyone started getting up to leave.

Layne slowly stood up, rubbing the back of his neck as he made his way out of the room. He took this shit day by day. 

Every thing was over for him. Alice in Chains was over. His chance at finding love and having a family was over.

He always would have that fear in his head, that if he didn't figure out a purpose for his life soon, that he would quickly relapse when this shit was over, that is, if he even got through this.

Layne quietly disappeared into the facility, making his way back to his room to write in his journal for a few hours.


	2. Layne's New Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wondered how long this girl had been in this facility. She was sort of intriguing to Layne. There was just something about her, he couldn't stop watching her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Justine looks like:
> 
>  

Layne had the same routine everyday at the facility. He got up early in the morning and he would tidy up his room. Layne would go to the dining hall and eat breakfast alone, and then come back and write in his journal or work on some drawings for a few hours and then he would go to Yoga, or go meditate, or sit on the beach, whichever he felt like doing first. By mid-day he was sitting through various meetings, listening to people's stories. Some days he had appointments with his therapists, or doctor's appointments to make sure he was staying on track.

Some people had a sponsor at the facility, but Layne didn't want one. Layne was just content with his therapist. He was having trouble opening up to her, so why would he waste even more time and money to have a sponsor? 

He had had sponsors before in previous rehab attempts, and they all showed that they obviously didn't fully understand him, or truly give a shit. 

Surprisingly, Layne was doing good so far. Sometimes he would question himself though. He always did.

Sometimes he would lay in bed at night and look up at the ceiling and wonder what the fuck he was even doing here.

Why the fuck was he even doing this? What would he do after this? What kind of reality would he be living in?

Some nights he would think about just fucking leaving. Just packing his shit up and leaving and saying fuck all of this. Layne had overheard people talking around him about how some people escaped from the facility by jumping in the ocean and swimming around the fence. People always told dumb and crazy stories.

But then he would think about Liz. Liz was counting on him. Liz wanted to see him better.

She would constantly talk about Oscar during their phone calls. Layne's sister was so happy. Layne wished he could be happy.

Layne stayed quiet and discreet for the most part. He followed all the rules. He didn't talk to anyone. Every now and then someone would speak to him but he kept responses short and to the point. He didn't want to be any of these peoples friends.

* * *

Layne sat in the laundry room of the facility. The hums and roars of dryers and washers filled the air. The air smelled of bleach and cheap washing powder.

Layne sat in one of the chairs, his sketchbook in his lap. He quietly sketched away as he waited for his clothes to finish drying in the dryer.

He just happened to look up for a second from his drawing when something caught his eye. He quickly looked back up.

He saw a girl walk in and set a heavy looking basket down on the ground. She had a distressed look on her face. Layne sat back and watched her as she looked around at the washing machines, pulling open compartments and frowning to herself, slamming them shut on the washing machines.

She walked over to the coin machine and dug into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled 5 dollar bill. Layne couldn't help but to check out her features as he watched her.

She had long red hair that stopped just below her shoulders. She had perfectly arched eyebrows the same color as her hair. Her skin was ivory and she looked tired. Layne could tell that she was an addict, by her movements and also the fact that she had a bandage wrapped around her arm. She also seemed very shaky.

She tried to put the money into the coin machine but it spit it back out. She cursed to herself and tried again and finally the machine spit out quarters for her. She grabbed her change and walked back over to the washers, throwing the money down on top of one washer carelessly.

Layne furrowed his brows slightly as he watched her begin to load her clothes into 2 washers. 

He wondered how long this girl had been in this facility. She was sort of intriguing to Layne. There was just something about her, he couldn't stop watching her.

He watched as she started filling the compartments in the washing machines up with washing liquid. His eyes trailed down to her ass as she bent down to put her washing liquid back into her basket.

Suddenly as she leaned back up, she turned her head sideways and then turned slightly, looking over at Layne with furrowed brows.

Layne's heart jumped when he realized he had been caught looking at her. His eyes widened for a moment and then he smiled a little at her.

She wasn't smiling at all. She frowned, putting her hair behind her ear.

"You got a problem? What the fuck are you staring at?" She frowned at Layne.

Layne furrowed his brows slightly, quickly looking back down at his sketchbook.

"Sorry..." He mumbled.

He heard her groan and he glanced back up to see her start to grab some of the quarters and put them into the coin pusher.

He looked back down, shaking his head. He was in the midst of his sketching again when suddenly he heard the woman curse.

He heard her frantically push the coin pusher, a metal clinking noise filling the air. He heard a loud thump as she punched it. He looked up to see her turn around, shaking her hand and putting a hand to her forehead shakily.

He furrowed his brows, setting his sketchpad down and putting the pencil through the spirals as he heard sobs escape the woman's lips.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" Layne asked, getting up and coming over to her.

She stood there, sniffling and sobbing lightly, eyes pooled with tears. When Layne got close to her, he could see her eyes. They were beautiful and blue. He felt his breath catch in his throat.

"This stupid fucking machine ate my quarters....now I only have enough money left to dry one fucking load. This is bullshit! This always happens to me! I don't have time for this shit!" She exclaimed, kicking the machine.

"Whoa...kicking it's not gonna help. Sometimes these things can be pieces of shit. It sucks that happened to you. I"m sorry. Don't even try to get your money back, you won't. I already tried. You would think with all the money we pay to be here every month they would give us our fucking dollar and fifty cents back." Layne smiled.

This was the most that Layne had ever spoken to someone besides his therapist here. He watched the girl as she wiped her nose on the back of her hand, sniffling and looking at Layne hesitantly.

"I'll tell you what, I have an extra 5 bucks in my pocket, here...take it. Get yourself more quarters. Just move your clothes to another washer. I'll tell 'em about that one." Layne smiled a little at the woman.

She was silent, still frowning and looking at him as he dug in his pocket, getting his wallet out and taking the 5 dollar bill and holding it out to her.

She hesitated, frowning and then took it from him.

"Thanks." She said softly.

"No problem. You seem like you're having a bad day. Just hang in there." Layne smiled a little.

She slowly turned, looking at Layne like he was crazy. He heard his dryer buzz as it came to a stop. He gathered his basket and started putting his clothes into it as the girl got change with the money he just gave her.

By the time he was done, he stood up, grabbing his basket ready to leave. He was startled when the girl was standing in front of him, hands behind her back.

"Huh?" Layne asked, befuddled at first.

She still had a frown on her face, holding her fist out to Layne.

"Here's the extra quarters." She said softly.

"Oh...did you get a machine that works?" Layne asked.

"Yeah. Here." She pressed, trying to give the quarters back to him.

"No you keep 'em, you might need them later or something. I don't need them." Layne smiled.

"Um...okay. Thanks...I guess." She said, looking down and turning away from Layne.

Layne stood there and watched her for a moment as he held his basket. She leaned against washers on the other side, biting her thumb nail and watching her washers. 

He sighed and left out of the washing room, heading back to his room to put his clothes up.

On the way back to his room, he thought about the redhead. She didn't look like she was far too gone on the heroin. There were women there that looked like absolute shit, but she was fucking beautiful. She was on something, but Layne wasn't sure what it was. 

He pushed all thoughts aside as he started to put his clothes up. He had to report to a meeting in a few minutes. A meeting where he wouldn't speak. 

* * *

_A Few Days Later_

Layne walked into his yoga class with his mat. He walked all the way to the back. He tried to stay away from everyone. He was 6 feet tall and he had long limbs and he didn't want to take up a lot of space in the middle of the class.

Yoga was good for him, it make his joints feel better and the stretching exercises made him feel more relaxed. His half-sister Jamie was a yoga addict. She wasn't lying when she told him how relaxing it was.

Layne rolled his mat out and took his shoes off, standing there quietly and stretching his limbs, watching as the other junkies around him were talking among one another and doing the same thing.

Before he knew it, the instructor came in and the class started. Layne cleared his mind, concentrating on the soft music, drowning out the instructor's voice as he started doing his yoga moves on his mat. He had done this routine nearly everyday at the rehab. He had been here almost 3 months. 

Layne had his long legs stretched out, his toes bent, his hands flat on the mat, his back arched and his eyes closed. He sighed as he stretched his muscles and joints, clearing his mind.

He was in deep concentration when suddenly he heard someone whispering loudly. He peeked an eye open and he saw someone walking through the crowd, trying not to step on anyone.

"Excuse me...sorry, 'scuse me...fuck..." He heard her whisper.

He opened his other eye and blinked, falling flat down on his mat as he watched her. 

It was the redhead! She walked over to where he was, right beside him. She threw her mat down on the ground carelessly, it making a loud thud. She kicked it open, a frown on her face. She kicked her shoes off. She had her hair pulled back into a messy bun.

Layne sat up, sitting indian style on his mat and he watched her as she slid her mat back down with her foot. She was either ignoring him or just didn't notice him. He watched her the entire time as she looked forward with furrowed brows before sighing and getting down on her knees on her mat. Her face turned red as she tried to get in a position that everyone was in.

It was obvious she had never done yoga before. She cursed as she struggled to stretch her limbs. Her arm was still bandaged. She tried to balance on it and she squealed a little loudly, causing some of the other junkies to look back at her with furrowed brows.

Layne bit his lip as he watched her sit up, frowning and staring at the ground, holding her arm and closing her eyes tight.

He decided to talk to her. He leaned over and whispered loudly.

"Psst! Hey! Hey!" He tried to get her attention.

She furrowed her brows, slowly looking over at him, her head still hanging down. Her messy bun shook as she whipped her head to the side to look at him.

Layne smiled a little at her. She continued to look at him with furrowed brows.

"Hey." Layne said softly.

Her expression faded a little as she looked at him.

"Hey." She replied.

Layne looked ahead at the instructor and everyone else, then looked back over to her.

"Do you remember me? Guy from the laundry room...gave you the quarters the other day?" Layne asked softly.

She frowned again and whispered back loudly.

"Yeah I remember. I'm not fucking stupid." 

Layne furrowed his brows slightly, tilting his head. He got into a yoga position where his hands were flat on the ground and his ass was in the air. Everyone else was doing it and the instructor was instructing everyone on how to do it.

Layne looked over as he held his body in the position, stretching his muscles. She attempted to get in the same position, looking around. When she balanced on her bandaged arm again, she dropped to her mat on her stomach, cursing.

She appeared to be frustrated. She got up, quickly slipping her shoes back on, grabbing her mat and rolling it up hastily and storming out. Layne heard someone curse as she stepped on them as she left. He had sat up on his mat, watching her storm out. He sighed.

* * *

After yoga, Layne went back to his room and took a shower and put his clothes on. He made his way to his art class. In the class they could pretty much do what they wanted to. Some people drew, like himself, and other people painted.

Layne had lost his sketchpad at the laundry mat that day. He had went back hours later when he realized he had forgotten it and it was gone. He was pissed about that but there was nothing he could do but move on. He had purchased a new, blank one at the store located within the facility.

He walked into the room and sat at his usual spot at the back. He sighed as he flipped open his sketchbook, sitting there and thinking about what he should draw. He was just about to press the pencil to the paper when he suddenly felt a prescense beside him. He looked up to see the redhead. His eyes widened and his heart rate picked up.

She seemed to be everywhere he was now! She had a blank canvas and she set it on an easel that was near her seat. She walked away to get some paint and came back and sat down, about to get ready to paint.

"Hey, it's you again." Layne said quietly after she sat back down.

She glanced at him, brows raised. She smiled a little as she started squirting paint onto a paint board.

"Are you stalking me or something? Maybe I need to report you." She frowned.

Layne raised a brow.

"No, I think you're following me around...I never seen you here before since I been here. I was here first." Layne smiled a little.

She looked over at him with a small smile tugging at the corners of her rosy lips.

"Oh yeah? And how long have you been here?" She asked.

"3 months." Layne said quietly.

"Oh. I've only been here for 2 months." She said, setting her paint down.

"Ah." Layne smiled softly, looking down at his sketchpad and beginning to draw a circle outline. 

A few seconds later he heard her call him.

"Hey. You left something in the laundry room the other day." She replied.

Layne's head whipped in her direction. He saw her pull out his precious sketchbook out of her bag. She smirked as she held it out to him. He quickly closed his new one and set it down, snatching his old one from her grip. His face flushed red as he frantically flipped through it, making sure everything was in its place.

The redhead watched him amusingly.

"Everything's there. Do you always draw dirty pictures? What are you here for? Sex addiction?" She smirked.

Layne frowned, looking her way.

"You looked in it? It's personal!" He frowned.

"Yeah I looked in it. So what? If it was so personal and so important to you, you wouldn't have left it laying around for everyone to see." She smirked, amused at his irritation.

"Yeah but...you had no business looking at it. You could have just gave it back to me! Is that why you kept it so long? You were looking through it? Why didn't you give it back to me in yoga!?" Layne frowned.

"I don't know. I didn't have it with me then. What are you so uptight for? So I found out you're a perv, so what. What are you here for? What are you addicted to? Can you still get it up enough to jerk off to your little comics?" The redhead smirked sarcastically.

Layne was not amused. He frowned, standing up, feeling uncomfortable. He gathered his things.

"Where are you going? Ashamed that I've discovered your dirty secrets?" She kept going. "I could have just left it sitting there you know."

"Fuck you. You don't know me. Just because you've violated my personal property doesn't mean you know shit about me!" Layne said frustratedly before he stormed out of the art class.

He walked down the hall, shaking his head, taking deep breathes. His heart was racing.

He stopped down the hall and flipped open his sketchbook, looking at one of the drawings he had done. It was a hentai drawing of two girls in a rather promiscuous position. 

Layne's cheeks flushed red and he slapped his sketchbook shut, going back to his room to draw in peace and quiet.

He kept thinking about the redhead the entire time he was in his room. He couldn't stop thinking about her. She was a bitch! She had an attitude problem! Why was she so moody? Why would she look at his sketchbook? And why would she even tell him that she did?

Layne ended up sketching a naked, redheaded anime woman.

* * *

Hours later, Layne was feeling hungry. He made his way to the dining area to grab a bite to eat before another addicts meeting. He went through the line, piling stuff on his plate. He showed his dining card to the cashier and he was back in the seating area. He looked around for a place to sit. 

As he looked around, he spotted a redhead in the midst of all the junkies. 

"Her _again_?" Layne said to himself, shaking his head.

He had a pooling feeling deep within his stomach as he stood there and watched her. She was sitting by herself, looking down at the table, eating out of a small carton.

He sighed and he walked over to her table. He stood there and she slowly looked up at him.

"Hey." He smiled a little.

"What?" She asked, frowning.

"Mind if I sit here?" Layne asked softly.

"I don't know sex addict." She replied coldly, looking away.

Layne sighed and sat down at the table across from her.

"Listen, I'm sorry about earlier...I mean, I've never really showed anyone those drawings...I was just shocked...you know. Give me a break here." Layne said softly as he started to eat.

"Well I was only joking around with you. You got all mad and shit." She said softly, picking at her small carton of food she had in front of her.

Layne swallowed his food and began to talk.

"I'm seeing you like, everywhere. It's so freaky. You're everywhere I am." Layne smiled a little.

The redhead shrugged and smiled a little, glancing up at Layne.

"Where are you going after this?" Layne asked.

"I've got to go sit in one of those meetings...you know where people go up and talk about their addictions." She said lowly, looking down.

"Really? What room?" Layne asked, tilting his head.

When she revealed what room she was going to, Layne slapped the table and startled her.

"Sorry..." He smiled. "This is too fucking freaky. That's where I'm going too!" 

The redhead's eyes widened. She stared down at the table.

"You seem fucking enthusiastic to go sit in there and listen to how people have ruined their fucking lives." She mumbled.

Layne's smile faded.

"No...actually I'm not. It makes me cringe, but I have to do it. I have to report it to my therapist when I go...and I'm not a very good liar." Layne sighed.

"You're seeing a therapist?" She asked.

"Yeah." Layne looked down at his plate, eating.

There was silence for a moment and then they both looked back up at each other at the same time. Layne smiled and laughed lightly, and then she smiled at him.

"My name's Layne." Layne finally spoke up. "What's your name?" He asked.

"Justine." She said softly.

"Justine...that's so fucking pretty." Layne blurted.

She raised a brow at him and he blushed.

"Sorry. It is."

"Yeah well, its such a high class name and it was wasted on me. I'm more of a Heather or a Candy." She laughed lightly.

Layne furrowed his brows, not quite comprehending what she was talking about. He looked on as she finished her little carton of food.

"That all you gonna eat?" He asked.

"What?" She asked.

Layne repeated the question and she shrugged.

"It's all I can afford right now. I have to pay for my meals...this place is expensive...I'm barely getting by paying for this shit." She admitted.

Layne furrowed his brows. He started to reach in his pocket. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" She asked as she watched him.

"I'm gonna give you some money so you can eat." Layne said softly.

"No, I don't want your fucking money. You don't have to keep giving me anything. I'll manage." She frowned.

"Sorry...you should really be eating. Why don't you have some of my food then?" Layne offered.

"No! Just stop it okay?" Justine exclaimed.

"Sorry..." Layne pouted.

They sat there in silence again and Layne slowly ate. He looked over at her when he heard her take in a sharp breath and she was holding her bandaged arm.

"Does it hurt?" Layne asked softly.

Justine looked at him, brows furrowed, nodding slowly.

"Yeah it's brutal. What is it, abscesses?" Layne asked.

"I've got a few..." Justine mumbled, looking down at the table ashamed.

"Takes kind of a while to heal. They give you anything for it?" Layne asked.

"Yeah. But I ain't taking it. I'm tired of pills. That's one reason why I came here, to stop fucking taking pills. I get here and they give me all these pills." Justine frowned.

Layne chuckled lightly and then stopped when he saw the look on her face.

"Sorry...I mean, this ain't my first rodeo. You need to take anything they give you...it makes you feel better. I promise." Layne said softly, glancing over at her.

She frowned.

"What are you? My father? I don't have one. Don't fucking tell me what to do!" She said defensively.

"I'm not...I'm just saying. I'm sorry." Layne sighed, looking over at her.

They sat there in silence again and then Justine broke it this time.

"Are you going to eat all of that?" She asked shyly.

Layne smirked, looking at her. "Nope."

"Give me some." Justine smiled.

* * *

It felt weird to be talking to someone in this place. After lunch, Layne and Justine walked to their addicts meeting together. Justine tried to sit in the front but Layne convinced her to sit in the back with him. Layne whispered things to her as people filed into the meeting that made her laugh.

Layne couldn't believe he was smiling. She seemed like such a mystery to him. He wanted to be friends with her. He just had this overwhelming need to get to know her better.

They got silent as the the meeting began and the counselor began to talk. Layne sat there silent for a moment.

He glanced over at her and smiled. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and saw him looking and looked over at him and smiled back at him.

Layne leaned over and whispered in her ear. 

"I'm glad I have someone to sit through these things with me now. These things are pretty boring."

She furrowed her brows slightly and was about to whisper back, but suddenly the counselor called her name.

"Okay, our next speaker is Justine Warren. Let's give Justine a round of applause for being brave enough to come up here and share her story." 

Layne scoffed as he watched Justine shoot up out of her seat and make her way into the aisle. He furrowed his brows and slowly clapped as she made her way shyly up to the podium.

_What the hell is she doing? Fucking A!_

Layne thought to himself. He crossed his arms and frowned. He was very confused. They had just talked about how they hated these things and here she was, going up there to talk!

Layne never wanted to go up in front of these strangers and tell them his story...it was personal!

He seemed to sulk in his seat when he saw her come up to the podium and stand up there. She looked around, silent at first as if she was nervous.

Layne winced...this was agonizing. He hated seeing anyone embarrass themselves. She fumbled with the microphone, bringing it down. A tapping sound came out of the speakers as she adjusted the mike that was at the podium.

She cleared her throat and looked around at the crowd.

"H-Hello." She began.

Layne's breath was caught in his throat. He was secretly hoping she didn't fuck up. There was too much pressure up there. Layne couldn't handle it. He shifted in his seat.

"My name is J-Justine...and I'm addicted to heroin." She spoke softly into the mike, looking around.

A sad and depressed chorus of "hello Justine" echoed throughout the crowd of junkies that sat in the chairs.

_I knew it._

Layne thought to himself. He knew she was on that H. That was something else they had in common. He sat on the edge of his seat as she began to speak.

Justine stared up at the ceiling as she nervously began to talk, shifting her weight from foot to foot nervously every 5 minutes it seemed, and she was nervously twirling her hair in her finger.

"Well um. I'm here...trying to get better..." Justine replied nervously.

A chorus of laughs echoed from the crowd. Layne frowned as he looked around.

"Assholes." He whispered.

_This is why I'm not fucking doing this!_

Justine smiled a little, looking down at the podium as she talked.

"Well...where do I even begin? I don't even know. My life has been so messed up...ever since I can remember." Justine began.

Layne furrowed his brows, arms crossed, heart beating fast.

"I've been on drugs ever since...forever...I was born addicted to crack. My mother was a drug addict. A severe drug addict. She was on it for years. It's all I ever knew. I have no idea who my father is.

I'm lucky to be alive really. Growing up, all I can remember is my mother, cooking crack over the stove, preparing needles, hell, she even had one boyfriend who thought he was in Breaking Bad. That guy blew up our house trying to cook meth. I remember a revolving door of boyfriends who were all bringing drugs over. I just remember starving while she was shooting up or smoking."

People in the audience gasped at these revelations. Layne had a sad look on his face. That was a pretty fucked up way to begin life.

"Well, life didn't get much better after that. Mom had this one boyfriend who started raping me when I was 13. I had no idea what he was doing to me. I had no idea what sex was. I quickly learned though. Mom was always nodding out so there wasn't shit she could do.

I've been asked why didn't her parents or siblings step in and do something? Well her side of the family never cared. They saw her as this junkie who was just a burden on everyone. They never cared to help her. I'm surprised it took her so long to die. I'm surprised she didn't die back then.

Well I ran away from home at age 14. This is when I started my stripping career. I didn't care about school. I always looked way older than I was. I bounced around alot as a teenager, working the streets, working the clubs. When they'd figure out I was underage and fire me, I'd move on to the next dive. 

It's been the only fucking thing I've ever known. I didn't graduate high school. I dropped out in 8th grade. Sex and drugs, that was the only thing I ever known."

Layne was scoffing. He would have never guessed she only had an 8th grade education. She didn't carry herself that way. He would have never guessed all of this shit happened to her. This was all fucked up. Why was she telling everyone this? Layne's heart hurt for her. 

She was way worse than him! He was just some ex-rock star junkie...she, she was fucked up!

"Started working at a club steady after I finally turned 18...made big bucks...but by this time, I was already dabbling in drugs. I had started smoking pot when I was 15...you know how the story goes...it escalated into other drugs, like coke and ecstasy. Whatever guy I was sleeping with that night, whatever drugs he had were the ones I would take.

I left the area I was in. I left everything. The stripping job, the horrible men...men who would beat me when they were in their drug dazes...men who forced me to do horrible things to them just so I could get my fix...who treated me like absolute garbage...I left it all to take a chance and come here."

Justine started tearing up. The room was dead silent. She quickly composed herself, sniffling.

"I'm just tired of living that way. I want to have a better life. I just want to live a normal life for once. I want to get better. I want to get off of this. I got really addicted to the heroin because I liked the way it made me feel...it made me not have to feel...I got in too deep. It was causing more trouble for me than pleasure. I would tell anyone...please don't get into that...heroin is the worst drug ever! 

I'm going to do everything I can to get better. I've left my old life..so that's a start."

Justine sniffled, tears pouring down her face. She was still staring down at the podium.

"Um...thanks." She mumbled and then turned with her back facing the audience, her hands over her face as she sobbed.

Layne furrowed his brows, trying to process all of this information that she just revealed to the group. 

She used to be a stripper? She used to be some sort of prostitute? She had no father, and her mother was dead? Fuck.

He wanted to rush up there and hug her. He wanted to just hug her and tell her that she was doing the right thing, and that it was okay, that everything was going to be okay. He had only started speaking to her nearly an hour ago. 

He sank down in his seat, half expecting her to come back to her seat. Everyone clapped when she had finished for a few seconds, and then there was quiet chatter amongst the room.

Layne saw a black woman rush on the stage and put her arm around Justine, who was visibly shaken and upset. Layne furrowed his brows and looked on as they rushed out of the room. 

By now someone else came up to the podium and was talking. Layne quickly got up, wanting to comfort his new friend.

He got up and rushed out, looking both ways in the hallway.

"Justine!?" He called, walking around aimlessly and looking for her.

He had no idea where her room was. He had no idea where she was at the moment. She had disappeared with that woman right fast and quick-like and in a hurry.

Layne felt like shit after hearing her story. His chest ached for her. 

She seemed like such a nice person for all the shit she went through. She was a little rough around the edges, but Layne could see that light in her. 

He suddenly didn't feel like doing any more activities or anything for the rest of the day. He made his way back to his room, that fiery redhead Justine on his mind.

* * *

Later that night, Layne lay in the bed in his room. He couldn't sleep. He kept thinking over all the information he had learned about his new friend Justine that day.

He was worried about her. It was weird. He just wanted to know that she was okay. The woman had guts, to go up there like that and tell all that shit. Layne would never do it. Layne just couldn't. He couldn't take a bunch of strangers giving him those sympathetic looks. 

He sighed as he tossed and turned. He turned his lamp on. He grabbed his sketchpad and flipped it open to the picture of the naked red head anime girl he had drawn.

He sighed as he ran his fingers over the picture.


	3. Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never in his life had he had such high intuitions about a person.

It had been a few days since Layne had seen Justine. He was getting worried, wondering where she was and what exactly was going on. He knew nothing about her except for the story she told at the addicts meeting the other day and that her name was Justine Warren. 

She hadn't showed up to any activities in a few days and he hadn't seen her around anywhere or at any of the addicts meetings. He couldn't get her off of his mind. He was worrying about someone whom he hardly even knew.

* * *

The sun was setting over the ocean. The dark orange glow against the darkening sky was relaxing to Layne's eyes. It was a beautiful site. There weren't many people on the beach at this time of day. Layne liked it that way. He didn't like dealing with the noise or all of the people. 

He made his way near the water. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. He took his shoes off and left them away from the water and walked barefoot forward, just far enough to where the water was washing up over his feet. He furrowed his brows as he stared down as his feet seemed to sink in the shifting sand as the waves washed up over his feet. The sound of sloshing water and birds filled the air and he was lost in his head as he stood there staring idly at the ground.

Suddenly as he was standing there, he felt a presence come up beside him. He jumped, blinking.

"Hey! It's you! What are you doing out here!?" He heard a familiar voice.

Layne looked up and beside him to see her. It was Justine.

"What?" He asked, dumbfounded.

She laughed lightly, furrowing her brows slightly.

"I'm sorry. I'm terrible at names. What was your name again?" She asked, putting her hair behind her ears.

"Layne. My name's Layne." Layne replied, eyes cast down to her bare feet.

Her shoes were near his. Seems like she had the same intentions of coming out here.

"Layne. Right. I'll remember that." She smiled.

Layne looked at her, brows furrowed.

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you around." He asked, concerned.

"Oh. I had to go to the hospital for a few days." Justine said carelessly.

"What? What's wrong?" Layne asked.

"My arm...it was getting bad..." She said softly, looking down.

"Fuck...it's not gonna fall off is it? I told you you need to take all the medications they give you!" Layne scolded her.

She looked at him, brows slightly furrowed, tilting her head.

"It's not gonna fall off...and yeah...I realize that now...I'm actually feeling better since I started taking the withdraw meds...that craving's not really there..." She smiled at him.

"So your arm's okay?" Layne asked, just wanting to be sure.

"Yes...it's okay...look, fresh bandages." She smiled softly, holding her arm up to him.

He smiled, stepping close to her. She jumped as he wrapped his arms around her frame, pulling her close to him into a hug.

She stood there, holding her arms out, brows furrowed as Layne held onto her.

"Uh...Layne? What the fuck are you doing?" She asked, tensed up.

"Hugging you..." Layne mumbled as he pulled away.

He looked into her eyes.

"That story you told the other day...that was...fuck Justine. That was intense...I mean, you must be so strong...to get up there like that and tell all that shit...I ain't going up there and telling my business. No way." Layne replied.

Justine looked down, drawing a line in the sand with her foot.

"Yeah...well...it's the hand I was dealt I guess." She said lowly.

"It's so great that you're stopping all that shit. You're taking control of your life...man I was worried about you when I didn't see you...I didn't know if you had given up...you were so upset after you told that story..." Layne sighed.

"Worried about me? You don't really know me." Justine frowned.

Layne chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking down at the ground.

"Maybe I'd like to get to know you...if that's alright?" He said softly.

Justine looked at Layne with furrowed brows. She looked out into the ocean, silent. Layne looked on too.

"It'd be nice to have a friend in this place...You're not the only one who's doing this alone...I'm pretty much doing this alone too...I was thinking we could lean on each other...you know? You seem like a really cool person Justine...You don't trust many people do you?" Layne asked softly, glancing at her again.

She looked down, a sad look on her face. 

"No..." She said softly.

"I don't either...I've been used a lot in my life...by people who I thought cared about me...I don't trust anyone anymore." Layne sighed.

Justine looked at Layne, pursing her lips. He looked at her and smiled.

"I don't know why you think I'm so cool. I haven't really done anything with my life but fuck it up." Justine sighed.

"You're here, and that matters. You do matter. You're my friend, you matter to me. You can trust me." Layne smiled.

Justine was very hesitant. She and Layne stared at each other for a few minutes. 

Maybe Layne was out here for a reason. She had came out here to stare at the ocean and think. Maybe she was supposed to trust Layne. She stared at him, expressionless as he stared at her and smiled.

Layne jumped when she finally lunged towards him and hugged him. Layne sighed and wrapped his arms around her. They stood there, the water washing up on their feet as they hugged.

It felt good to feel another human being against him. Layne didn't just open up to anyone. He had a feeling this girl was special. She rested her head in the crook of his neck, her hands balled up in fists against his chest as she rested against him. Layne rubbed her back and held her tight.

* * *

"Man, you guys have to all use the same bathroom? That sucks!" Layne complained as he followed Justine to her room, in the part of the rehab center she stayed in.

"Well I can't afford the private rooms. I really wanted to come here and I tried to make it as cheap as possible...and it's not cheap at all." Justine replied as they stopped at her door.

Layne stood there, looking around as Justine unlocked the door. They entered the room and she shut the door behind them, locking it. Layne stood in her room. It was nearly a shoebox. There was a twin sized bed in the corner, a small window, a desk, and that was it. Her things were piled in bags that were strewn across the floor.

"Um. Nice place you got here...kind of messy." Layne replied, stepping over bags and sitting on her bed.

He furrowed his brows as he bounced up and down on her bed a bit.

"This bed feels like rocks. Fuck. This sucks." He replied.

Justine rolled her eyes as she walked around, throwing all of the bags of her stuff in the corner. She sat beside Layne on the bed.

"It's better then nothing." She smiled.

"I'm glad I know where your room is, now when I don't see you or hear from you in a few days, I can come over here and check on you." Layne smiled.

"At least someone's checking on me." She blushed.

Layne kicked his shoes off and laid back on her bed against the wall. He smiled at her, patting the bed beside him.

"C'mon, let's relax." Layne smiled.

"Uh...I don't know about that Layne...you aren't going to try anything with me are you?" Justine asked.

"No way. I mean, not if you don't want me to..." Layne smirked, joking but not joking.

Justine looked at him with an odd look.

"No! I'm not going to do anything. I promise! C'mon, just lay beside me. Let's talk." Layne smiled warmly.

Justine sighed, slowly taking her shoes off. She slowly laid back on the bed. Layne had his arm around her shoulders. The both of them barely fit on her small bed.

"Talk to me Justine. Is there anything you like to do? What's your favorite color...when's your birthday? Tell me all about yourself!" Layne smiled.

Justine giggled, biting her lip as she threw an arm around Layne's stomach, resting her head on his chest.

"Um...I don't know...my favorite color is pink...my birthday is October 20, 1967...uh...what do I like to do? I don't know...I've never really done anything..." Justine trailed off.

"October baby...my birthday's August 22nd. I was born in the same year...we're the same age...that's cool. C'mon...really? There's nothing that you like to do? Nothing at all. You didn't just do drugs all day and uh, do the stripping thing did you?" Layne pressed.

Justine wouldn't meet eye contact with him. She shrugged. Layne continued talking.

"Well I love art. I love drawing...painting...and I love music. After I get over this shit...I just want to spend my days making art, making music. Man that'd be the life." Layne smiled.

"Yeah I see you love art...all of those nasty pictures you drew!" Justine giggled teasingly.

Layne smirked, shrugging his shoulder.

"So I like the female body. So sue me." Layne smirked.

"Well...I like music too I guess." Justine trailed off.

"Oh yeah, what kind of music do you listen to?" Layne asked.

"Mariah Carey." She smiled. "She's my favorite."

Layne chuckled. "That's cool. I love rock music. I've got my I-POD in my room...I can let you hear some of the stuff I listen to some time..." Layne smiled.

"Are you inviting me to your room? Is that a date?" Justine joked.

Layne's face flushed red. He shrugged. "Whatever you wanna call it."

Both people got silent as they lay there. Layne broke the silence.

"So who was that woman that you walked out with during that meeting where you told your life story?" Layne asked nosily.

"Huh? Uh...oh that was my sponsor..." Justine replied.

"Sponsor? I've had those in the past...I don't like sponsors. I don't even want one. They act like they give a shit at first but then eventually you can tell that they don't _really_ care about you. You're just a number because their time is limited with you and they have to get to the other junkies." Layne replied.

"Well my sponsor is really good. She's always checking on me and she goes to most of the addicts meetings with me." Justine replied.

"Oh. Well as long as she's good for you. Me, I ain't getting one." Layne pursed his lips, shaking his head.

"So what do you got under that hat? Why are you always wearing that hat?" Justine asked, changing the subject and looking up at Layne's black, floral print hat that he kept over his head.

Before he could speak she reached up and shoved it up a bit, gasping.

"Oh my god! You're bald! Did the drugs make all your hair fall out? The meds they give you here!?" She exclaimed.

Layne frowned, tugging his hat down.

"No! I just shaved all my hair off when I first got here. I had long hair down to my shoulders." Layne sighed.

"Are you gonna let your hair grow back out again?" Justine smiled.

"Yeah, I kept shaving it but I'm going to start growing it out again...probably won't let it get as long as it was." Layne smiled.

"Take your hat off, I wanna see how your head's shaped..." Justine smiled.

Layne furrowed his brows, and sat up. Justine sat up too. She watched as he took his hat off, looking down, cheeks tinged red. She giggled as she put her hands on his scalp, rubbing around.

"You're head's shaped funny. You look like an egg." She giggled.

Layne smirked, feeling relaxed as she massaged his scalp.

"Fuck keep doing that...feels good..." He mumbled.

She smiled, massaging his scalp for a while, Layne nearly asleep when she pulled away. He sighed and put his hat back on his head, laying down and looking up at her.

She smiled and looked down at him.

Layne hung around her room for most of the day, until he had to go to see his therapist. They met back up at the dining area after Layne's session was over.

Layne was so glad to have a new friend. He had always felt so lonely at these places when he tried to go many times before. After finally getting to know Justine better, he was feeling good about this.

He was feeling positive. This was good for him. He hoped this feeling would stay. He was so intrigued by Justine. She was just so interesting to him. Never in his life had he had such high intuitions about a person.

* * *

Layne and Justine became best friends. They were constantly around each other, except at night. They mostly hung out in Layne's room, since it was bigger and better than Justine's room.

They went to all their activities together and addicts meetings together. When they had to go off and do their own things, like see sponsors or therapists, they always met back up afterwards.

It became like a routine for the pair. It made Layne's day to see her. Layne's day wouldn't be right if he didn't see her. Having her as a friend made things go so smoothly.

Over the course of 2 months, they had become so close, like peas in a pod. They were practically joined at the hip. They leaned on each other. Some days one of them would have bad days and they were there for each other.

Layne quickly started to realize that this thing between them was getting serious, and he wondered if Justine realized that too. He knew eventually he would have to bring it up to her. He was beginning to feel like he didn't want to be without her. With all of the shit she had been through in her life, he didn't want to put all of this on her too quick.

Layne wasn't certain what the future would hold. He was taking things day by day. But there was one thing he was definitely was certain.

He liked Justine. A lot. He would even go as far to say that he might be in love with her.


	4. Layne Opens Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Layne...what's going on? Why did you skip our class? You never miss any of our classes...something's wrong and I need you to tell me." Justine said, concerned, looking into his eyes.
> 
> She loved laying with him like this. It was so comfortable to have another body against her.
> 
> "I don't even know where to begin. I feel like giving up. I feel like quitting." Layne sniffled, bottom lip trembling as he looked away from her.
> 
> "What? Layne no! You can't quit! You've gotten so far...you can't leave me here..." Justine pouted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Layne's looking like by now. He's not bald anymore lol. His hair's growing back. Jussi still looks the same.  
> 

_3 Months Later_

6 months. Layne had been in rehab for 6 months. He couldn't believe it. He was actually getting through this program. He was still worried about how he would be when he was done with this. He wasn't sure if he could stay strong. 

He still had his moments sometimes, thinking about certain aspects, like the fact that his band was pretty much over. His glamorous life was over. He had had some pretty good times with Alice in Chains, but he knew he couldn't go back. It wasn't the lifestyle he wanted to live. It depressed him thinking about this, thinking about how things had changed, how they weren't the same. Layne hated change. It made him just want to go retreat back in his hole, but he had to be strong.

Every time he had these silent doubts, Justine would show up and make him feel better. She had no idea what went on in his head. He had never really told her anything of his situation. He didn't want to feel like a burden on her. Her situation was far more worse then his had been. He felt like he had no right to complain. Sure people did him shitty, but at least he had money, at least he had a home to go to.

He was terrified at what he would do with his life when he finished this rehabilitation program. He had no idea. He didn't want to be alone. The stress was weighing on him about Justine as well. He wanted to tell her he liked her so bad. He wanted her to stay in his life beyond this. He wasn't sure what the future would hold and that scared him.

He had slowly but surely started opening up to his therapist. He started telling his therapist bits and pieces of his family life. He cringed when he thought about it. He fucking hated telling strangers his business.

This routine thing was good for him. It kept his mind, for the most part off of all the bad things.

* * *

Layne sighed as he laid on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Justine was with her sponsor. He was bored. He was just waiting for the time to pass so he could go meet her for a meditation class. He smiled to himself as he thought about how they always managed to play around in the meditation class. They really were trying to take it seriously!

Layne sighed and sat up, running his hand through his short hair that had been growing back over the past couple of months. He stared at the phone on his nightstand table. He hesitated.

He slowly picked it up and listened to the dial tone. He started dialing a number, biting his lip.

He had been speaking to Liz once or twice a month. He was pretty sure that she was going back and telling their mom about his progress in rehab. He hadn't spoken to his mom since he had been here. He figured he'd give her a call and let her know that he was doing okay.

Layne's heart beat fast as he listened to the ringing. It seemed like the phone was ringing for an eternity. He was just about to hang up when he heard someone pick up. He could recognize his mother's voice.

"Hello?" 

Layne hesitated.

"Hello? Who is this? Is anyone there?" His mother's voice sounded through the receiver.

He smiled to himself. She always hated people playing on her phone. He sighed shakily.

"Ma?" He muttered into the phone, staring down at his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed, phone pressed against his ear.

"...Layne? Is that you Layne?" His mother Nancy asked into the phone.

"Yeah, it's me mom." Layne said quietly, twirling the phone cord around his finger.

"My god, I didn't think I'd ever hear from you! How are you? Are you still in rehab?" She came right out and asked.

Layne furrowed his brows.

_You could have called me. Liz has the number._

"Yeah. I'm still here." Layne muttered.

"And?" Nancy pressed.

Layne sighed. He could already tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't expecting a good answer. She always talked to him like he was a helpless child!

"I'm doing okay mom. I'm doing okay." Layne said quietly.

"Doing okay? That's it? How long do you have left in there? Are you going to finish the program this time?" Nancy asked.

"Yeah mom. I don't know. A couple more months. I'm doing great actually. I've just gotten off the withdrawal medications. I'm working with the doctors to see what happens now. I'm not 100 percent...doctors say I'll never be...my back hurts sometimes...but I've got something for that." Layne replied into the phone.

"Oh god. They're letting you take more pills? Layne you don't need any pills. Don't they have something like acupuncture? Something natural to make your back pain go away? Honey you don't need any pills! How are they going to give an addict more pills!?" Nancy exclaimed.

Layne smirked, laughing lightly and shook his head.

"Ma, its not like that, I promise you. It's good. Everything's fine...I think I can say that I'm getting there. I'm really getting there." Layne replied.

"Yeah well I just hope with all the money you're paying to go to this place that it actually works this time. I just want to see you better honey." Nancy replied.

"I wish you'd come visit me mom. I wish you would come here and see my progress." Layne admitted into the phone.

Layne could feel a lump in his throat as he admitted this to his mom. He needed her during these hard times. Sure she would talk to him like he was still ten, but when he was vulnerable like this he needed her motherly love. He just wanted her to see that he was doing okay and be proud of his progress. He wanted her to believe in him.

"Layne darling...you know how I feel about those places..." Nancy sighed.

"I know mom...but I'd like to see you. I miss you." Layne said into the phone, tears forming in his eyes.

"I miss you too Layne...but you know I can't. I don't like those places. The people...they scare me...I just can't stand to see people looking like that." Nancy sighed.

Layne sniffled as tears fell down his cheeks.

"Yeah but you wouldn't see any of the bad off junkies...we'd just sit in the front lounge and talk. You don't have to come into the facility ma." Layne sighed.

"I'm sorry Layne. I just can't do it. It's gonna be alright son. You'll see me when you finish this thing. You've already made it this far. You'll pull through it." Nancy replied into the phone.

Layne sat there, nearly shaking as he sniffled and tears poured down his face. She always assumed he could do this alone! He just wanted her to come see him and she couldn't even do that! She had been giving the excuse of not being able to set foot in these rehab places because they scared her, for years!

Layne wiped his eyes and sniffled as Nancy began to speak into the phone again.

"Listen hon, I know something that will cheer you up. Little Oscar's walking and pottying on his own. You should see him, he's getting so big." Nancy rambled on.

"Oh really?" Layne sniffled and smiled, still feeling a weight on his chest.

Layne sat there on the phone as Nancy started to talk about his nephew. Tears poured down Layne's face as he sat there listening to his mom.

Here he was, her drug addicted son, who was doing everything in his power, to get better, so he could live, because he was on the verge of dying, and all she wanted to talk about was his nephew. Layne felt like this wasn't the proper time to bring his nephew up! He loved his nephew but he was here, crying, practically trying to reach out to his mother, fucking begging, and she was handing him the usual generic bullshit lines!

"Uh huh...yeah...uh huh..." Layne sniffled into the phone, trying to hide his crying as he tried to make it seem like he was listening to Nancy. 

When it seemed like Nancy had finally finished talking, there was a silence for a moment. Layne sniffled and tried to talk to her again.

"Mom. I met someone." Layne began.

"Say what? Met someone? What do you mean you met someone?" Nancy asked.

"This girl. I met her here. She's my best friend. We're kind of like-" Layne began.

He jumped when he heard Nancy moan loudly on the other end of the phone.

"Layne! Oh my god! Don't you tell me...Layne are you sleeping with this woman at the facility?" Nancy exclaimed.

Layne frowned.

"What? No mom. What the hell? No, she's my best friend...she-"

"Layne! You know you aren't supposed to be doing that! If they find out you'll get kicked out! Layne what is wrong with you!?" Nancy exclaimed.

"MOM! If you would just listen...I'm not sleeping with her...we just-" Layne tried to talk again.

"Layne I can't believe this..as soon as you start to get better, you lose sight of the point of being there...Layne you shouldn't be there looking for love hon. Now I'm just telling you this because I care about you. You're not there to find love, you're there to get better! And I don't think it's very healthy for you to be seeing another addict hon...just look what happened the last time you were with another addict!" Nancy exclaimed.

Layne scoffed, eyes pooling with tears again.

"Why the fuck would you bring that up mom? How dare you bring that up! I asked you to never talk about that shit ever again! You know what...you're not even listening to me! I just wanted to call you and tell you that your son is doing okay!" Layne exclaimed.

"Now Layne hon...I wasn't trying to-" Nancy interrupted.

"Mom you don't know _anything_ that's going on here because you never fucking visit me or call me! You don't understand anything. Good bye mom!' Layne frowned into the phone.

"Layne!" Layne heard Nancy yell into the phone before he slammed it down.

Layne could feel a familiar sinking feeling coming over him. He tried countless times to reach out to his mom but for some reason she just wouldn't reach back. She always made it pretty clear that Layne was an adult, and he needed to take care of his problems on his own. He couldn't do this alone. He just couldn't.

As he lay there on his bed, curled up in the fetal position, tears streaming down his face, his mind started racing. He started thinking about all the bad things that had happened to him in his life. He started thinking about how no one was ever there when he was alone and he really needed someone. He thought about how everyone decided they wanted to come around him when he was at his worst. 

He sobbed, his hand covering his face as he lay there, wondering why everyone waited until it was too late to try and help him. He wondered why everyone acted like they couldn't see his problems when they were around him. It was as if people over the years enabled him. 

No one understood the way he was feeling, not even his own mother. No one cared if he died. No one cared how hard he was trying to get through this. Maybe he should just go back to the way things were before. Maybe he should just give up. No one believed in him anyway. Everyone expected him to die. That's what everyone expected. That's why everyone stopped coming around and left him in his own mess.

One of the things that hurt Layne the most was the fact that his mother acted like this she didn't want to deal with this. Wasn't a mother supposed to be there for her child? His mother was distancing herself from him and he couldn't figure out why.

His mind was racing as he thought about anything and everything. He remembered when Oscar was first born, and he had went over to Liz's place to see the baby, the whole family was there. The looks they had gave him. Layne had been wearing gloves because his fingers were so dirty from making the drugs. He had on shades to hide his eyes because honestly he was a little strung out that day. They didn't think he noticed, but he could see the disgusting looks they gave him that day. Everyone, even Liz, like he was a waste of space.

Maybe he was a waste of space. What was the point of this? What was the point of getting better? He had nothing waiting for him on the other side. No band, no wife, no children. He was just going to continue being alone.

Layne put his hands over his head as he thought about dying. Sometimes it just hit him, he could just imagine himself laying there, overdosed, not existing anymore.

No one would care.

He sobbed into the comforter. He was losing it.

* * *

Justine sighed as she sat at the back of the meditation class on her mat. People were filing into the class. She furrowed her brows as she looked over at the clock on the wall. 

Before she knew it, the class was filled up and the instructor was turning on the meditation music and they were starting. She furrowed her brows. Where was Layne? Layne was never late to any of the activities.

She and Layne always knew where the other was. She racked her brain as she sat indian style, trying to remember if Layne had anything he had to do at this time. She could not recall. Maybe he was just running late. He would be here in few minutes. He never missed meditation class. It was their chance to cause mischief.

She smirked when she thought about just the other day how she was deep in meditation and Layne reached over and pinched her side and startled the shit out of her. She squealed and everyone looked back at them and Layne's face was so red as he laughed, tears forming in his eyes. She was so pissed at him and he thought it was so funny.

She had planned on getting him back for that today. She sighed, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds of the soft music, holding onto her shoes as she sat there quietly.

She bit her lip as she cleared her mind. A smirk played on her lips. When she closed her eyes all she could see was Layne and that devious smirk on his face. He was one sneaky bastard. He was such a nice guy.

She had never really met anyone quite like Layne in her life. He was so laid back, he was so caring and gentle. He was always concerned about her and that made her feel special, something she hadn't felt very much in her life. 

She felt warm and fuzzy inside when she thought about that night that she had accidentally spent the night in Layne's room. They were watching some movie marathon on one of the channels that censored half the curse words. They were eating junk food all night. She fell asleep and she thought he was going to wake her up so she could go back to her room.

She woke up the next morning and he was asleep beside her, his back turned to her. She had snuck out of the room, letting him sleep. They hadn't mentioned it.

She didn't say anything about it...but she liked staying in his room...his room was way better then the shitty room she was in. She felt like she was in a prison in her room. Plus she enjoyed being so close to Layne and not having to be away from him.

Just being around him made her feel good. She wished they could share a room.

She let out a sharp breath, opening her eyes and frowning, looking around. Layne _still_ wasn't here. Something must be up.

This wasn't like her friend. She had gotten to know him really well over the past few months. He rarely strayed away from his routine. One time she didn't show up to yoga because she wasn't feeling good and she went to the infirmary. By the time she got out, she just figured Layne was at his therapist appointment by then so she made her way back to her room. When she got to her hall she saw Layne sitting on the floor in front of her door with his head in his hands.

There was a look of relief on his face when he saw her standing there. She remembered how he jumped up and hugged her tight, concerned, asking a million questions and telling her to never scare him like that ever again. It was as if he couldn't stand not seeing her.

Layne had skipped his appointment to make sure she was okay. She stood up, rolling up her mat.

Something definitely was not right and she was going to sit in front of his door until he got back to his room like he had done with her.

She quietly made her way out of the class and out of the building, making her way to the building where Layne's room was.

* * *

Justine made her way through Layne's building, not making eye contact with anyone. She finally came up to his door. She looked around and then knocked on his door lightly.

She waited for a few seconds and knocked again. She stood there twisting her torso, sighing and looking around as she waited to see if he would answer the door.

She sighed and knocked again after 5 minutes, this time harder and longer. If he wasn't in his room, she didn't know where he would be and she'd just have to sit here until he came back.

She stood there, holding her mat and squeezing it as she waited to see if he was there. Her heart rate had picked up.

* * *

Layne lay there, in his sorrow, just wishing he could fall asleep. His chest heaved as he felt another sob coming on, hot tears falling out of his eyes and down his face. He was startled when he heard someone knocking on his door.

He sniffled, lifting his head up and staring at the door and then he laid back down, putting his hands over his head.

He lay there for a few minutes and rolled onto his back, his limbs spread out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling when he heard a loud knock. He jumped again, his heart rate picking up. 

He sat up, sniffling as he watched the door. He got up slowly and sulked over to the door, looking out of the peephole.

His heart raced when he saw red hair. He instantly knew who it was and he didn't hesitate to rip the door open. He shakily unlocked the door, swinging it open.

"Justine!" He exclaimed.

She looked at him, brows furrowed and head tilted as they stood there.

"Layne? Wha-" Justine began.

Before she knew it, she was being practically pulled into his room, the door being slammed and locked behind her. She threw her mat to the floor of his room before he wrapped his arms around her in one of the tightest hugs he had ever given her.

He sobbed into her shoulder as they stood there, embracing each other.

"Layne? Layne what's going on? What's wrong? C'mon let's go lay on the bed..." Justine replied softly, alarmed at the man's behavior.

She had never seen Layne so distraught like this before. She had no idea what was going on as they laid on the bed. She kicked her shoes off before getting on the bed. Layne lay behind her, spooning her. He buried his face into her hair, taking in her scent.

He sniffled, smiling and holding her tight. She lay there, her hand on top of his hand that was resting on her stomach.

"I'm so glad you're here...fuck..." Layne nearly whispered, blinking out tears.

Justine's brows were furrowed as she looked back at Layne and into his red, tear stained eyes.

"Layne...what's going on? Why did you skip our class? You never miss any of our classes...something's wrong and I need you to tell me." Justine said, concerned, looking into his eyes.

She loved laying with him like this. It was so comfortable to have another body against her.

"I don't even know where to begin. I feel like giving up. I feel like quitting." Layne sniffled, bottom lip trembling as he looked away from her.

"What? Layne no! You can't quit! You've gotten so far...you can't leave me here..." Justine pouted.

"No one fucking cares about me. No one. Not my family, not the people who call themselves my friends, no one. I've got no one...no one cares that I'm here. No one cares...and that fucking hurts. I feel so fucking alone in here. I know what's gonna happen, when I get out I'll just slip back into the same fucking hole. I always do. I always fucking do." Layne cried, burying his face into her hair.

"Layne, what in the world brought this on? You've been doing so good...you've been so strong. I don't get it. I care about you. You're not alone...you've got me...remember? Calm down honey...it's alright. You're alright...you're just thinking too much." Justine cooed.

She laid on her back, turning her face towards Layne's, their foreheads pressed together. She could feel the heat radiating off of Layne's face as he sobbed. He kept his arm securely around her.

After a few minutes of silence and listening to Layne's sobs, Layne sniffled, lifting his face up to meet hers.

"I called my mom..." Layne began.

Justine raised her brows. Layne always talked about his sister, but this was the first time she had ever heard him speak about his mother.

"You did?" She asked softly, reaching her hand over and stroking his cheek, wiping his tears with her thumb.

"Yeah...and as usual...she avoided the whole fucking situation. My mom doesn't like to talk about what I'm going through for some reason...she never has...I asked her to come see me...she won't do it." Layne sniffled.

"And that makes you feel bad?" Justine asked softly.

"Well...yeah. She's my mom...and it's like she doesn't fucking care. All she's talking about is my sister's kid. I feel like they don't really care...like they don't care if I come out of this thing alive...I feel like they expect me, everyone, expects that I'll fall back into the same old shit and die.

I'm her fucking son and she's acting like she's not fucking concerned at all. She didn't sound enthusiastic at all for me...and as usual she nagged me about unnecessary things. She pisses me off so bad sometimes.

Why can't she just be like, a normal mom and be there for me? That's what everyone's done to me for a while now...they stay gone when things are bad...and then when things seem to be good they come back around, but where were these folks when I needed them the most Justine? I'm so sick of everything." Layne cried.

Justine furrowed her brows.

"Layne I'm sorry. I'm here for you. Just remember that. You're not alone here, you've got me. I'm with you now. We'll get through this together. I'm sorry you're not feeling like you're getting the support from your family that you need. We can support each other. I won't let you fall." Justine cooed.

Layne sniffled and smiled at her, looking at her for a second. He then rolled over on his back, holding her hand. They were both on their backs, staring up at the ceiling.

They laid there in silence, Layne sniffling every now and then. Justine bit her lip, feeling Layne squeeze her hand. She sighed shakily, wondering if he was okay. She was just about to start speaking, when suddenly Layne spoke.

"My dad was a junkie." Layne began.

Justine looked over at Layne as he still stared at the ceiling.

"My dad was a junkie. He was on this same shit that's brought me down. He left us when I was little. Me, my sister and my mom. He left us because he'd rather get high than be a dad.

I remember my mom didn't talk about it. She just didn't. One day he was there and then the next day he wasn't. I was so fucking upset...I loved my dad...I thought he loved me.

One day I answered the phone, when I was like 8 years old. I'll never forget. It was some automated message, that basically said my dad was dead. I was so fucking upset. 

Years later I'd find out that it was some sort of mix up, the phone call, but being a little kid...that scarred me for life. And my mom went with it. She fucking went with it. She lied to me, and she got everyone else to lie to me.

Before I knew it, she was remarried and having another baby with someone else, and I was just supposed to be okay with that. I wanted my dad.

I quickly realized that my dad wasn't dead. As I got older I learned some things. When I was a teenager, I wanted to find out exactly what had happened. I knew he wasn't dead. I just knew it. There was never a funeral and as I said, Mom never talked about him.

Well after I did my little detective work...I found out he was a fucking junkie. He was a junkie. Man I was fucking crushed. It all came together for me. This was why he left.

I was just so fucked up. I started smoking pot when I was like 14...I started drinking by the time I was 16...that shit numbed the pain. 

I could never fucking come to grips with it. How can you leave your kids...he just left. He didn't fucking care. And the way my mom handled it...how could she fuck my head up like that?

She hasn't been a saint either. She kicked me out after high school. She got tired of my shit I guess, partying all night and sleeping all day. 

She kicked me out and I had to struggle to make it. She told me once that I wasn't going to make it, and that I needed to get a real job.

She thought she was teaching me a lesson, but that was a fucked up thing to do, kick your kid out on the streets. But I fucking made it. I fucking showed her. I fucking made it." 

Layne sniffled, letting go of Justine's hand to wipe his eyes.

"What was it that she didn't think you could do?" Justine asked.

Layne laughed lightly. He turned his head, looking over at her.

"You're not gonna believe it." He smiled.

"Yeah I will. Just tell me. What is it?" Justine smiled a little.

Layne smirked as he watched her. She smiled back warmly at him.

"I'm a rock star...well, I used to be." Layne said softly.

"Rock star? Like...what?" Justine asked, confused.

Layne looked back at the ceiling, his hand on his stomach. He laughed lightly.

"Yeah. I'm a rock star. I was in this band for years...Alice in Chains...we've had a few hits..." Layne trailed off.

Justine was silent. She didn't know what to think.

"That's why some people here have come up to me and randomly talking. They know who I am. I'm so glad that for the most part..these fucks stay away from me." Layne sighed.

"Well..what did you do in your band?" Justine asked quietly.

"I was the singer." Layne sighed looking at her again.

"You've never heard of us?" He asked her.

She was silent as she shook her head.

"I'll have to let you hear some of my music. I'll have to show you some pictures." Layne smiled.

"You must have been to some wild parties and things over the years huh?" Justine asked quietly.

"Oh yeah...I've seen it all..crazy shit. The early 90's...that was the best time in my life. We had this No. 1 album, the state of music was great. Classic after classic was being released. It's all going to be over in a few months. It'll be a new millennium. I'm sad but also happy to see the 90's go. They were the best times in my life...but also the worst times." Layne sighed.

Justine slid closer to Layne, hesitant.

"So what happened to your band?" She asked quietly.

Layne chuckled, looking at her again.

"It's a long story. Let me continue. We got off subject...but first...before I continue...now that you know I'm a rock star...do you see me any different?" Layne asked.

Justine bit her lip and shook her head. 

"Honestly I would have never guessed...you seem so quiet...so private..." Justine said quietly.

Layne chuckled.

"Well...that part of my life is pretty much over now I suppose. Well in the late 80's I bounced around from band to band, and I met this guy, Jerry. Jerry was my best friend up until like, '96. We played in and out of bands together before we found ourselves in Alice in Chains. Man we were so good, we were solid. Our sound was solid.

It didn't take but a few years to score a record deal. Man I was having the time of my life. After some promotion, we ended up hitting it big with our first album, Facelift. We played this one club, and we sold it out two nights in a row.

That was when I realized this band was serious. This was something. I had made it. I had worked hard up to that point, working stupid jobs, playing shitty shows, barely getting by and then we started getting paid finally.

Oh man it felt good to get compensated for doing something I loved, let me tell you.

Well guess what? My dad contacted me after my band first hit it big. I was feeling on top of the world, so I let him in my world. I connected with him again.

To make a long story short, we started talking. He wanted to get high, and I fucking agreed with him. At this point, I had already been experimenting with coke and I had did H a few times at the first wild parties we ever attended. Man that down feeling on the H...that was the best shit ever...so relaxed...you know you can't feel a damn ounce of pain.

Well...I got the stuff...and me and my dad...we shot up together. He put the needled into my arm. I was still learning how to do it at that point. He put the fucking needle in my arm.

After that, I quickly started to realize the only reason he was coming around was because I had money, and he was still addicted...and he wanted free drugs. That was so fucked up.

You know, I wanted him to find me when I got big. That's exactly what he did. He saw me on the cover of a magazine. A part of me wanted that. A part of me thought that maybe by then he had changed...I was willing to give him a chance...but he just fucking used me.

You know how the story goes...I cut him off from me...but I started using alot. I got addicted, not as bad as I was before I came here...but it had gotten out of hand. We made our next album...and I sort of struggled through it. I thought I was the shit, with my drug dealer following me around. I was fucking blind. These fucks were only around me because I was buying their product. They didn't really like me.

I became real bad during this Dirt album. I had this girlfriend. I had been with her since our first album. I fucking loved her. She was so outgoing. She was different from me. She was outgoing and blunt and just crazy. Things were good at first...but once I started using...she started using.

Man it made her crazy. I wanted to marry her. She got really bad...she started doing some fucked up shit. She was bisexual...and we had an open relationship. I was fucking stupid. I couldn't handle that so I don't know why I was all for that. Our relationship was really toxic. When she'd find out that I had slept with chicks on tour, she'd do some fucked up shit, like have her girlfriend in our bed, fucking her when I'd get home. I'd walk in on that shit, they'd be fucking around on our bed, the bed _we_ were fucking in. 

It made me sick to my stomach. She got really crazy with the drugs. I'd get my bank statement and I'd see that she'd spent 10,000 dollars here or there, like it was fucking nothing.

I investigated and I found out she was buying drugs and not only for herself but her friends. I had to take her name off of my account. She really broke my fucking heart.

I had gotten clean around '94...and when I was at my best...she was at her worse. I just couldn't take any more of her. I tried to get her help, she didn't want it. You can't force someone to get help. She just slipped away. I finally broke up with her and kicked her out of my house when she got arrested for prostitution. It's like, she turned to that because I wouldn't let her take from me anymore...

A part of me thought that maybe I could force her to want to get better, if I broke up with her, so we could get married, and maybe start a family.

She didn't care...no one ever did. She didn't care. She was with someone else like a week later. And she didn't hesitate to let me know. I remember being a show and seing her hanging all over this guy. And she looked like fucking shit. The drugs were fucking her up.

She hurt me so fucking bad. I haven't been with anyone since...

It seems like everyone in my life has done nothing but disappoint me..."

Layne sighed as he put his hands over his face, letting out loud sobs again. The memories hurt. The drugs ruined alot of good people's lives back then.

Justine could feel a lump in her throat. She rubbed Layne's stomach as he lay there. He rolled over and pressed his forehead against hers, holding her as he sniffled.

His voice was muffled as he spoke between them as they were huddled up on the bed.

"So around '95 and '96...things with the band were bad. The record company were driving a wedge between me and Jerry. We both sing...and the record company knew I was bad off on the heroin. They encouraged Jerry to sing more and write more songs...it was like he was taking over the band as I just slipped away.

I called him out on the bullshit and he just couldn't see. We were arguing all the time. My ex-girlfriend finally died in '96...and I just lost it. I was back on the stuff really hard. These years are just a fucking daze. I was so fucked up and out of it.

Alice in Chains tried to tour for our last album...but I just couldn't...I was so fucking sick and weak. I was dependent on the stuff. I just didn't care about anything anymore.

Jerry and the guys were always nagging me. And I was sick of it. No one was trying to help me. Everyone just saw me as this disgusting junkie.

We did a few shows, and that was it. I had just had enough of everyone. I had enough of the life. Everyone was full of shit. I moved and I bought a top floor condo. I came out a few more times...I thought I was going to win a grammy 2 years ago, but we lost. Waste of my fucking time coming out of the house. I also had to finish out the contract with the record company. They decided without me to release a greatest hits record. So I came out to record two songs with them for that. That was the last time I saw Jerry and the guys. Jerry was the biggest asshole ever.

We were arguing so bad we had to be in separate rooms. His ego had gotten so big he was criticizing every aspect of the recording. I wrote this song about my dad, about how he's a hypocrite...because around this time, Liz was reconnecting with him so he was coming around.

I was fucked up and looking like shit and he comes to me and starts preaching about the bible and what not...the fucking junkie preaching to the junkie! 

How the fuck did he get clean, and I'm here, struggling and suffering. How does he fucking deserve that? For fucking abandoning me? And constantly using me? 

Everyone in my life is just so full of shit...and I'm sick of it. I can't take it anymore.

I've been in rehab 13 times before...do you know that?" 

Layne took a deep breath as he pulled away from her, looking at her. She had tears in her eyes at his story, at how damaged he was, how he saw everyone as a threat.

"13 times? Wow, this is only my first time...I don't know what to say Layne...you've been through a lot...how could anyone want to treat you this way? You're so nice...you're so kind and gentle. You're not a bad person at all." Justine sniffled as tears poured down her face.

"I don't know. After all of that...I just came to the terms that I was going to die. I just wanted to die, to just not be here anymore. What's the point? The music industry doesn't appreciate me, no one appreciates me...I've done things for people and not a fucking thank you. Everyone wants to use me. No one ever comes around unless they need something. So fuck it. I was going to die. I was doing so much drugs I barely there. I knew if I kept on going at the rate I was, my organs would begin to shut down.

I don't know why I'm even here. I got motivated again when I saw my sister's son. This little innocent human life. He looked at me...and he smiled at me. He didn't see this disgusting junkie...he's so innocent. I don't know, and then my sister came to my house a few weeks later crying.

She's busy with her family now...mom's scared to be around me. What's my point for being here? No one really cares. I don't know what the fuck I'll do after this. There's no more Alice in Chains. I'll never forgive them for the way they did me. They sat right there and let the record company pull their bullshit.

Jerry lost sight of what the band was really about. He was trying to be the boss of me and not my friend.

Fuck that.

I just don't know what the point of living is anymore. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I'm so sick of being alone. I wish someone fucking cared."

Layne closed his eyes tight and sobbed, tears pouring down his cheeks.

Layne opened his eyes and sniffled, looking over at Justine. She pressed her forehead against his and spoke softly.

"Layne...that's just it. You're not alone...I'm here now. I care about you...you're not alone. I care about you a lot. I want you to get better...we both need to get better, for each other....I want you to get better." She nearly whispered.

"Justine..." Layne sniffled and whispered as Justine leaned forward, her nose pressed against his.

She had shivers down her spine as she moved forward, pressing her lips against Layne's lips softly. Layne shrugged his shoulders as their lips met. He could feel a bolt of electricity surge through his body as their lips crashed together.

Justine pulled away slowly, licking her lips and looking into Layne's eyes. Layne looked at her with furrowed brows, his lips still burning where she had pressed hers against his. He lifted his fingers up, brushing his lips, nearly shocked at what had just occurred.

He stared at her and she stared at him and they were silent for a moment.

Suddenly Layne pulled her to him and crashed his lips to hers. She moaned lightly as he kissed her, his tongue hungrily prodding her bottom lip. She opened her mouth as their hands roamed each other's sides as they lay sideways, making out. Layne tingled as their tongues touched.

She tasted so good, she felt so good. He had secretly wanted this. It was all happening too fast. She moaned into their kiss as it got messy, their tongues rubbing together, their saliva mixing together.

Layne finally pulled away, gasping for air, face flushed. He sat up against the headboard, bending his knees, his palms on his forehead as he looked forward.

Justine sat up, chest rising and falling rapidly as she looked over at Layne.

"What are we doing? We can't do this. Not here. Not now...it's not prohibited, if we get caught, we might get kicked out..." Layne breathed, freaking out.

"Layne babe...we won't get caught...don't you like me? I like you so much..." Justine breathed.

Layne looked over at her.

"Yeah, I like you. I like you a fucking lot in fact...but...I'm not sure...I want to...I mean, I can't believe it's getting up...that must mean I'm getting better...but...I don't wanna damage things between us...I mean...I just don't know..." Layne sighed, putting his face in his hands.

"Layne, it's okay, calm down...it's okay..." Justine cooed.

Layne sighed shakily and looked at her.

"It's just, I don't know...now that you know I'm a rock star...all of a sudden you want to do this?" Layne mumbled...not sure of anything anymore.

"What!? Layne Staley how could you say that to me! I don't know anything about your little band! For your information...this was inevitable. I like you for you, not for what you are, or were. You know what, fuck this...fuck you!" Justine exclaimed, tears pouring down her face as she got up.

Layne's heart beat fast. He jumped up and rushed over to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"NO! Don't fucking leave me. I'm sorry. I'm just..I'm so confused...I'm sorry. Things are happening so fucking fast babe...I'm sorry I said that to you. You're my best friend...you're my only friend. I didn't mean to hurt you. Please don't fucking leave. Please..." Layne pouted, tears forming in his eyes again as he wrapped his arms around her.

She buried her face into his neck and sobbed. He held onto her tightly, whispering in her ear that he was sorry.

"I'm fucking stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm sorry." Layne whispered.

She pulled away from him, tears pouring down her face. They looked at each other. Their eyes bore into each others. Suddenly the air in the room felt different.

Justine sniffled, eyes red from crying. She looked at Layne and pulled him by the arm back to the bed. She shoved him down on the bed. He laid there on his elbows, looking at her, his eyes never leaving hers.

They weren't talking anymore, they were just doing. They were just going with the moment.

Layne's whole body felt on fire as he watched her at the foot of the bed bend down and remove her leggings. His breath caught in his throat as he saw her blue panties. His mouth was agape as s he slowly pulled her shirt off, throwing it to the floor. His face flushed as she slowly unhooked her bra from behind, shrugging her shoulders as the straps fell down her arms, her breasts pressed together.

"Oh my god..." Layne muttered, pressing his thighs together.

She let her bra fall to the floor, standing in front of him in nothing but her panties. Layne thought he was going to hyperventalate as she crawled on the bed. He frantically took his shirt off, exposing his chest to her. He shivered as she came near him, running her fingers through his chest hair.

Layne's eyes fell closed as she leaned in, pressing her lips to his again. She grabbed his wrists and brought his hands to her breasts. She pulled away, smiling at him as he slowly began to squeeze her breasts.

"Jussi..." Layne barely breathed as he stared at her perfect, ivory and perky breasts as he squeezed them.

She moved her hair to one side of her shoulder and smiled seductively at him as he squeezed her breasts.

"Jussi? Who's that?" She sighed, tilting her head back as Layne squeezed the tender flesh of her chest.

"It's what I'm calling you from now on. Jussi. Short for Justine..." Layne said shakily.

Jussi laughed lightly as Layne's hands slid down her sides and to her hips.

"Take your pants off..." She whispered.

Layne's heart nearly beat out of his chest as Jussi undid his jeans. He quickly shoved them down, along with his underwear. There was a feeling in his groin that he had not felt in years. He burned with desire. She stuck her tongue in his mouth as he kicked his jeans and underwear off. 

"Layne...I want you so bad...fuck I need you..." Jussi whispered against Layne's lips.

Layne groaned lightly as she snaked her hand down to his moist erection, stroking him slowly.

She smiled against him, their foreheads pressed together.

"You're beautiful...fuck you're so beautiful..." Layne breathed, kissing her neck and her shoulder as she stroked his length.

He bit his lip and sighed deeply. After a few more strokes, she pulled her hand away, but their mouths were still touching, their tongues touching. The room had suddenly became a sauna.

"I'm gonna fuck you Layne..." Jussi nearly whispered against his lips.

She was about to move to take her panties off when Layne stopped her.

"Babe..." He said softly, as he held onto her hips.

"What?" She asked, her perky nipples pressed against his hairy chest.

Layne was on fire where her body was touching his. He had goose pimples on his skin.

"I don't wanna fuck yet." He said softly, biting his lip and looking into her eyes.

She could feel a pain in her chest at his words. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. 

"What?" She asked softly, feeling Layne caressing her hips with his hands.

"No...I didn't mean it like that...it's just...I don't want you doing this because you think you have to...I'm not your pimp...you don't have to fuck me if you don't really want to...I care about you...I want you to be happy. We can take it slow. We don't have to rush into this...fuck I haven't been so close to someone in a long time...You feel so great...we're not even supposed to be doing this here...

Just please don't do this because you feel you have to...you don't." Layne said softly.

Jussi looked into Layne's eyes, leaning in and kissing him again.

He sat against the headboard as she slowly straddled him. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her.

She grabbed his fully erect member with her hand as she squatted over him. He watched, barely able to breath as she started rubbing his tip against her panty covered clit. She sighed as she looked into Layne's eyes as she moved against him, still holding onto his erection, whipping her hair to one side.

He watched her with furrowed brows, biting his lip. He was throbbing with pleasure at her actions. She smiled as she fell to her knees on his lap and started grinding herself against him. He held onto her hips as she moved her panty covered pussy against his erection, which was slick with pre-cum. It was pressed against his stomach as she grinded him slowly and sensually. She held onto the headboard of the bed, her arms over his shoulders as she grinded against his cock, her thighs pressed tightly against him. He held onto her hips, breathing deeply, looking up at her with a carnal lust in his eyes.

"Fuck it feels so good..." Jussi sighed, before leaning down and pressing her lips to Layne's.

Their tongues pressed against one another as she continued to grind Layne's erection, feeling herself coming close to an orgasm.

After a few more thrusts of her hips, she felt Layne shake against her and he moaned into her mouth, their saliva running down the corners of his mouth. She could feel a burst of warm wetness between their passionately hot bodies, coating her panties. She bit her lip and smiled as Layne pulled away from her mouth, in a daze, head against the headboard.

"Fuck!" He sighed, closing his eyes.

She giggled, pulling off of him. He whined.

"No...fuck where are you going?" He smirked.

She lay at the foot of the bed, her legs spread, her panties soiled by Layne. She looked at him seductively.

"You already came babe...please finish me off...fuck...that was so hot....fuck Layne please..." Jussi sighed, tilting her head to one side of her shoulder.

She was hot with anticipation, she was throbbing and she wanted Layne to finish her off.

Layne hesitated, still reeling from his own orgasm. He got on his knees. She slid her panties off as he crawled towards him. She smirked, throwing her panties at his face.

He winced, laughing lightly as the silky fabric hit his face. He threw them to the ground and when he looked back at her, her legs were spread and she was fully exposed to him.

He stared at her in awe. She was dripping wet and he could feel the heat radiating off of her. He could smell her anticipation. 

He lay between her legs.

"Um...I haven't done this in a while...I"m sorry if I'm rusty..." Layne blushed, licking his lips.

"It's okay...just make me cum...please...I wanna cum for you..." Jussi sighed.

Layne's breath caught in his throat. He licked his lips and slowly leaned forward, running his tongue up and down her pretty pink parts.

He shivered at the taste...she tasted so good. Jussi moaned and arched her back as Layne's tongue found its way to her clit. Layne furrowed his brows, his eyes closed as he took in her scent, wrapping his arms around her thighs. His saliva ran down her pink crevices, mixing with her own natural juices as he began to gently lick her clit.

She moaned, arching her back as she enjoyed the feeling of Layne's tongue on her most intimate parts. He was doing pretty good for not doing this in a while. He was instantly gentle. She didn't have to tell him to not be rough at all. She moaned, pursing her lips and putting her hands on his head.

"That's it baby...fuck...lick my clit...god yes, just like that..." Justine breathed as she pressed on Layne's head, tangling her fingers in his hair.

Layne shivered, feeling himself getting hard again as he licked her clit. He sucked on it a few times and tugged at it with his teeth, nearly growling as he shook his head against it. He glanced up at her and she laughed lightly, eyes closed, head thrown back. 

Layne held her thighs tight as he continued to lick her, moving his head up and down as he rubbed his tongue against her. She gasped, nearly pulling Layne's hair.

"Fuck baby, keep doing that...just like that, that's what I like...fuck Layne I'm gonna cum...fuck!" She moaned softly, shivering and beginning to buck her hips towards Layne's face.

Layne furrowed his brows, speeding up his movements, wanting her to, needing her to cum.

She moaned, mouth agape, pulling at Layne's hair as she climaxed, feeling her groin throb with pleasure as he cum slid out of her vaginal opening. Layne nearly whimpered as he quickly moved his mouth down to her vaginal opening to taste her cum. He lapped it all up, finally lifting his head up, a trail of her cum breaking apart from his lips centimeters away from her opening as he lifted his head. He let out a gasp. His lips were shiny with her cum on them and red and kiss swollen. Some of her cum was matted into his goatee, which he had braided. He was slightly sweaty.

He finally opened his eyes, looking at her. He licked his lips and smiled at her.

They stared at each other for a moment before moving around on the bed. Jussi laid on top of Layne, feeling his erection pressing against her. She rested her head on his shoulder, in the crook of his neck.

He rubbed his hands up and down her back, rubbing her ass every now and then. He had a content smile on his face. He sighed and smiled.

She tugged on his goatee, giggling to herself.

"That thing tickled me while you were eating me out babe." She sighed.

Layne smiled and shrugged, leaning his head down and kissing her head.

"You're fucking amazing Jussi, do you know that?" Layne sighed.

Jussi smiled, closing her eyes, shrugging.

"I can't believe we've done this...I feel so fucking good. This is the best fucking drug ever...fuck...if we're going to start doing this, we gotta be careful. We can't get caught...we're not supposed to have relationships and shit here. We're not supposed to fuck here..." Layne sighed.

Jussi bit her lip, rubbing Layne's chest.

"That's what makes it even hotter, the thought of getting caught." She smiled.

Layne smirked and nodded.

"You made me feel so fucking good babe...I haven't felt that...in so fucking long." Layne breathed.

Jussi smiled, rubbing circles on his chest. 

"It's alright babe. It's alright, you did fine. You came a little fast...but it was hot." Jussi smirked.

Layne blushed, putting his hand over his face, a shit eating grin on his face.

"Don't remind me...I can last way longer than that! Just you wait and see!" Layne smirked, licking his lips.

Jussi giggled, biting her lip.

"Doesn't seem like your erection's going away anytime soon." She smirked.

"Nah. I don't think it is either." Layne smiled. "I can smell you all over my face...I'm fucking horny. You've unleashed me."

Jussi smirked, straddling him again.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it...I'll take care of you baby." She smirked.

Layne furrowed his brows and looked down, his chin nearly pressed to his neck as Justine moved down his body, her red hair brushing over his skin and leaving trails of fire as it slid down his body. He gasped and arched his back as she took him into her mouth.

* * *

Later that night, Layne lay in the bed alone in his room. The bed where he and Jussi had just fucked around in hours before. She had to get back to her room. It was one of the hardest trips to her room ever. He couldn't keep his hands off of her. He wanted to be around her 24/7. 

This was new, this was refreshing. When he and she did these things, it made him forget about everything. It was just him and her, together, bodies pressed together in passion.

He couldn't even remember how it had got to this point. One moment he was confiding in her, the next moment they were kissing and before he knew it, their clothes were off and they were feeling each other. He wanted to go all the way. He wanted to be inside of her, but he didn't want her to feel like she had to do it.

He was in love with her. There was no denying it now. Every time he thought about her, he had a goofy grin on his face.

His mind was racing, he couldn't sleep. He never thought he would meet a girl in rehab. This girl was amazing. He couldn't let her go. 

He didn't feel so alone anymore. Now he had Jussi. He was going to make it. He was going to get out of here now, as long as he had Jussi.

He couldn't wait to see her again. He wished there didn't have to be this distance between them. He wondered if she was asleep. He wondered if she was thinking about him. He couldn't get her off of his mind.

His lips and his body still burned in the places she had touched him. She was amazing. 

He couldn't believe it, but he had a girlfriend again. He sighed and smiled. He felt so content at that moment, like nothing could touch him. His heart beat with joy when he thought about her.

He hoped she was feeling the same way about him. He still had that feeling deep within, but he pushed it away as he thought about her hair, her smile, the way she tasted.

She cared about him. She really cared about him. When he didn't show up at meditation, she came looking for him. That also filled him with warmth and joy. She actually gave a fuck about him.

Maybe things were starting to look clear now. Maybe his life was finally starting to come together.


	5. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let me stay with you tonight." Layne said randomly.
> 
> "Um...what?" Jussi asked, brows furrowed slightly.
> 
> "C'mon babe...let me stay with you. I don't want to be lonely tonight." Layne begged, biting his lip.
> 
> Jussi's eyes widened, her heart started beating fast.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow...at breakfast..." Jussi smiled as she stood in front of the door to her room at the rehab center.

Layne smiled and sighed, biting his lip and looking around. He wrapped his arms around her and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. Everything they did anymore was passionate.

Jussi sighed as she stood against her door as Layne's tongue entered her mouth. She held onto Layne's arms as they made out. Layne's hands slowly fell from the small of her back to her ass, where he squeezed lightly. 

He slowly pulled away from her lips and looked into her eyes.

Jussi had noticed that ever since they had started fooling around, Layne's eyes had changed. When she first met Layne, he always had a hard, cold look in his eyes. Even when he'd smile, she could still see his pain in his eyes. Now that they were together, his eyes seemed bright and full of life. She had never seen him smile so much and show his teeth at her.

"This is getting harder and harder..." Layne sighed and smiled, leaning down and placing kisses to her neck.

"What is?" Jussi sighed as she continued to hold on to Layne's biceps, tilting her head and sighing as Layne's lips brushed against her neck like a feather.

"Having to leave you like this. It isn't fair. I want to share a bed with you. I want to wake up to you every morning. I just wanna be where you are all the time." Layne sighed.

Jussi smiled looking at him.

"Aww babe...you are so sweet." Jussi smiled, looking at Layne.

Sometimes she felt bad when Layne would say such nice things to her and she would have a short response. She didn't know what to say; she wasn't used to a man treating her this way.

Layne was so kind and gentle with her. She was still pondering was this all a dream.

"Babe...I get so lonely at night, so fucking cold now. If I had you in my bed I'd be so warm and fuzzy...I wish they'd let us stay in one room. I'd get you out of this shoe box and in there with me...in that big bed...your own bathroom..." Layne smiled, grabbing her ass again and pulling her close to him.

Jussi blushed, biting her lip and smiled. They were about to lean in and kiss again when they heard noise around the corner.

Layne quickly pulled away from her, both people's faces flushed red. Layne casually ran his hand through his short hair, looking to the side and Jussi looked to the side as people who lived on her floor walked by talking, oblivious to them standing there.

Layne looked on as the people passed them, waiting for them to disappear into their rooms and around the corner. He looked around again and wrapped his arms around her again, smiling warmly at her.

"Let me stay with you tonight." Layne said randomly.

"Um...what?" Jussi asked, brows furrowed slightly.

"C'mon babe...let me stay with you. I don't want to be lonely tonight." Layne begged, biting his lip.

Jussi's eyes widened, her heart started beating fast. 

"Layne babe...my sponsor might come to my room in the morning." Jussi started.

"So what. Just let me stay. I can be out of there before she gets here. C'mon Jussi babe." Layne sighed and begged, rubbing her ass.

"No Layne. Not right now." Jussi replied, looking down.

"Do you want to come back to my room with me and stay?" Layne asked desperately, pouting.

"Layne...I just told you my sponsor might come to my room in the morning. No babe." Jussi sighed.

"Oh. Oh yeah...C'mon babe...let me stay." Layne pouted, asking softly.

"No. Maybe another night." Jussi said softly.

Layne sighed. He didn't want to press on. His chest hurt at her rejection. He could feel a lump in his throat. He wanted to stay with her so bad but she just wouldn't let him.

"Alright." Layne said softly, looking down, his arms still wrapped around her.

"Listen, I'm gonna go now babe. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast. I promise." Jussi smiled warmly.

Layne glanced up at her and smiled half heartedly. He leaned in and kissed her, before backing away.

Jussi smiled at Layne before turning around and getting her key, slowly unlocking the door to her room. She opened it and went inside, turning around and peeking her head out.

"Byyee..." She smiled lightly, dragging the word out.

"Bye." Layne smiled softly, feeling a weight sinking down on him.

He stood there as she smiled at him once more before closing the door. He stood there and stared at her door, sighing and putting his hands on it, rubbing the wood.

"Bye..." He said softly before turning around and sulking out of her building.

Layne had his hands shoved in his pockets as he made his way across the campus of the rehab center, back to the building he stayed in. It was getting dark and he just felt so alone all of a sudden.

He sighed to himself. He was getting so tired of being alone. He had finally found someone amazing, and all he wanted to do was just be around her 24/7. Fuck these stupid rules. There were a few dark clouds in the sky. Layne looked up into the sky as he was making his way back to his building. It looked like it might rain.

He finally made it to his building and walked in and up to his room. He unlocked the door and went in, closing and locking it behind him. He stood there, looking around his room.

The bed sheets were in disarray on the bed, there were clothes strewn on the floor. Layne stood there for a moment staring at the bed. The bed where he and Jussi had been fooling around hours earlier.

Layne smiled to himself. He sighed. He couldn't wait to fucking see her again. He needed to see her. If he couldn't see her he couldn't function. It had only been a month since they had stepped up their relationship, but it had already gotten to that point.

He slid out of his clothes and stood there in his underwear, fixing the sheets and comforter back. He just happened to look to the side and he saw an article of clothing that didn't belong to him. He furrowed his brows and picked it up. It was one of Jussi's shirts. His heart pooled with warmth as he held it. She must have left it over in his room, somehow, someway.

He brought the fabric to his nose, smelling it. Her scent was all over it. He loved the way she smelled. When he smelled her, he felt safe, he felt relaxed.

He sighed as he climbed into the bed and under the sheets. He kept her wadded up shirt by his pillow. He kept his lamp on. He didn't want to sleep alone in the darkness. That's all he wanted to do until he could see her again was just sleep. He hated the silence in his room now. It was piercing.

He just wanted her in this bed with him, seeing her smiling face, hearing her laugh. Her laugh made his stomach pool with warmth. Layne had fell hard for this girl.

He stared at the other side of the bed where she usually lay after they finished fooling around. He bit his lip and sighed to himself. He shifted in the bed, burying his face in her shirt, taking in her scent. He closed his eyes, trying to relax and go to sleep.

As soon as he closed his eyes, all he could see was her. He felt shivers down his spine. He could still feel her. 

His body still burned in the places where she'd touch him. It always did. He loved the way her long red hair fell over her shoulders as she'd lean down over him, their naked bodies pressed together, their skin touching. He loved the way the ends of her hair would brush against his skin as she leaned over him, her hand under the covers, wrapped around his hard on, stroking him until he'd release. He loved how her lips seemed to fit against his so perfectly, how her tongue would softly touch his. He loved how she'd run her small, smooth hands all around his chest and tangle her fingers in his chest hair as he'd rub her. He loved watching her come to an orgasm for him, how her mouth would fall open slightly, her tongue running across her bottom lip. She'd try to look at him but it felt so good her eyes automatically would flutter close. She had the most beautiful eyes ever. He loved looking at her. He loved the way she'd open up for him, let his tongue inside of her. He loved it when she'd pull his hair and moan as he did things to her with his tongue. It had become addicting, like a new drug that they were both becoming addicted to.

Layne just had to have it. He couldn't function without it. Sometimes he still had those pesky doubts in the back of his head. But that just came from years of being fucked over by everyone. He wondered if she was feeling the same way about him as he was beginning to feel about her.

Layne sighed as he sat up in bed. He couldn't fucking sleep. His mind was on over drive. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, reaching over on his nightstand and grabbing his sketchpad.

As he opened it, he could hear the pitter patter of the rain against his window. It had finally started to rain. Layne flipped through his sketchpad. The book was filled with loads of pictures of his likeness of he and Jussi. He flipped page after page, the fiery red head in various sexual positions, being penetrated by him.

His sketches sent chills down his spine. He bit his lip, shifting in the bed.

He fucking loved her. He needed to show her how much he loved her. But first he needed to tell her. Layne set the book down on the bed. He hesitated and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor.

Time seemed to have stopped. Only about an hour and 30 minutes had passed since he had ventured back to his room. He was wide awake, and he had an aching in his chest. It was a familiar pain that he hadn't felt in years. It wasn't any kind of pain associated with his previous drug use. It was more of a deep emotional pain.

He sat there, brows furrowed, staring into space as he listened to the rain.

"This is bullshit..." He mumbled to himself.

* * *

Jussi laid in her twin sized bed in her room in the darkness. She could hear the rain outside. She sighed as she tossed and turned. She felt really bad.

Layne had wanted to stay with her and she had lied to him. She had lied to him about her sponsor coming over. Her sponsor was not coming at all. Jussi just felt overwhelmed when he suggested that he stay.

She felt so bad because Layne was so in love with her. It was obvious by his actions. He always held her hand when they'd walk together. He'd hold doors open for her. He was paying for her meals now and he was paying for her laundry.

He was always whispering things in her ear. He couldn't keep his hands off of her.

He was treating her as if she were beautiful.

Jussi could feel a lump form in her throat as she thought about it. Never in her life had she met a man like Layne. All men in her life up until this point were douche bags. They all treated her more as an object then a person. 

Layne was so interested in her. He liked to lay there and talk to her. She felt bad because she didn't have much to say because she hadn't had a life like Layne. She hadn't gotten out much like he had. She was never really independent like he was. She had always bounced around from guy to guy, most of her money being blown on stupid things.

Layne seemed to have himself together despite the drugs. He had money. He told her about his condo. He had his own place. She had nothing to her name. All she had was the insurance money she got from her mother's death.

Her mother had died right before she came to rehab. It was one of the things that prompted her to leave the douche bag she was staying with and come here. She had come into a bit of money and she could leave without worrying.

Most of that money was gone.

Jussi was worried. She was not good at managing money. She was quickly drying up, and she couldn't get any more loans because she had the worst credit in the world. She always lived from paycheck to paycheck, just praying that the next week she would be able to make it.

She secretly started to feel guilty and very bad after Layne had revealed to her that he was a rock star. She didn't want to seem like she was using him. She felt guilty with nearly everything he did. She was too scared to tell him. She let him pay for things for her, but it tore her up inside because she felt like she didn't deserve any of this.

She didn't deserve Layne.

Tears formed in her eyes as she lay there in the dark thinking about Layne. She had came onto Layne first. She couldn't resist him that day when he came to her, crying, his beautiful eyes wet with tears. The way he had held on to her, made her feel special. He held onto her like she mattered...like she was a person. He had confided in her like she had a soul.

She couldn't resist coming on to him, and she knew it was inevitable, but it tore her up inside because she felt like she was at war with herself.

She wasn't anything special like Layne always thought she was. She was stupid. She had nothing to her name, an 8th grade education, she didn't really do anything. Layne was always talking to her about his hobbies and the places he had been and seen and adventures he had had while he was in his band.

The only thing she had to talk about was how she used to strip and the nasty douche bags she had come across in her life. That's all she had lived so far. That was the only life she knew.

She didn't want to seem like she was desperate for Layne. She would give anything to be able to leave this place with him and live with him, but she didn't want to seem like she was just wanting to go back with him because she knew she would not have to worry about money. Every time she saw him, he seemed to be more and more in love with her and that scared her.

She had never had someone this obsessed with her before. She didn't know how to take it. She was scared to embrace it honestly. She tried to show him as much enthusiasm as he showed her. 

She sobbed lightly as she thought about it. She was scared. Layne was so sweet, so funny and so nice. She loved the way he made her feel. He was so nice and caring in the bedroom. She'd been with guys before who would only want to have their way with her and then leave her there alone and unfinished, like she was some sort of sex toy.

Layne was gentle. He was considerate, affectionate, loving even. She smiled through her tears when she thought about how he loved to touch every inch of her with his hands. She loved the feeling of his fingertips lightly brushing over every inch of skin. She loved when he'd kiss her all over and tell her she was pretty.

She didn't feel like she deserved it, but she liked it.

Jussi sniffled, turning over in the bed, putting her hand over her eyes as she sobbed lightly.

She knew what was going to happen if she let Layne stay with her. She could see it through his actions and in his eyes. He wanted to take it to the next level. He wanted to be inside of her. He didn't say it but she knew that's what he wanted.

She was scared of that. She was terrified of doing that. She was tired of giving her body to men who would never be in her life for more than a couple of months.

Jussi wasn't sure if she was even going to finish this program. She hadn't told Layne about all of her money problems. A reason why most of her insurance money was gone was because the bank had started garnishing her account to pay for the loans she had taken out to come here. 

She was stupid when it came to those things. She didn't understand why they were taking so much money. She had realized that she had been fucked over by the bank. She thought she didn't have to start paying the loan for a while but they started sending her bills and she just couldn't pay them because she had nothing to her name. She wanted to get better. 

It took money to get better and her money was running out. She had paid up to 7 months dues to be able to stay here. Her 7th month was quickly approaching and she still wasn't cleared to leave. She didn't realize how demanding and long rehab would be. She figured she would be in and out of here, but this place was serious about making a person better.

She was terrified to think what would happen when that 7th month approached and she couldn't afford the monthly dues. She'd be kicked out, back on the streets, all the work she had done to keep herself clean would be thrown out the window.

She wouldn't be able to get anything because of her credit. She'd be back on the street and fall into the same traps of drugs and stripping to get by and she'd just die.

Worst of all she'd leave Layne. She'd never see Layne again. She was so scared to tell him about this because she didn't want to ruin that smile. She didn't want to see the pain in those eyes that she'd seen before. He was so happy. He was doing so good. 

She didn't want to ruin anything. She always ruined everything. She hated herself for that.

She sobbed lightly, sniffling and wiping her eyes in the dark. She was so tired of life being so fucking hard. 

Suddenly as she lay there in the darkness, she heard a knock on her door. She gasped and jumped, startled. She sat up in the darkness, running her hands through her hair, wiping her eyes and sniffling. Her heart rate picked up. She listened. 

Once again the silence of her room was pierced with a quick and frantic knocking.

"Who the fuck is that?" Jussi mumbled to herself, getting out of her bed.

She stood up, slowly making her way to the door in the darkness. Before she even got to the light switch in the room, she heard a famliar voice sound through the thin door.

"Jussi! Are you awake? It's Layne! Please let me in!" She heard him whisper.

She flicked the light on, smiling to herself, her heart beating fast when she heard his voice. All previous bad thoughts left her mind when she slowly opened the door, peeking out through the crack.

"Layne? What the fuck?" She whispered.

"You couldn't sleep either? Good, let me in." Layne whispered.

He looked like he was soaked from the rain. She sighed and opened the door, letting him into her room.

He walked in, going over and sitting on her bed, taking his shoes and socks off, throwing them in the corner and pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it on the ground.

Jussi closed the door and locked it, standing there and looking at the man sitting on her bed.

"It's fucking raining cats and dogs out there." Layne sighed, chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked over at her.

She stood at the door, smiling at him, staring at the ground.

"Layne...what the fuck are you doing here? I thought I told you not to stay. You're right back over here...what time is it anyway?" She smiled, face tinged red.

"It's around midnight...please don't kick me out again...I had to dodge a few security guards to get over here..." Layne began, getting up and coming over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

She looked up and their eyes met. He bit his lip, looking into her eyes.

"I don't give a fuck if your sponsor's coming over in the morning...I'll fucking leave before...I'll hide under your bed...I can't sleep...I can't stop thinking about you Justine...I don't care...I need to be with you tonight...I can't stand being away from you...I need you." Layne sighed and smiled, looking into her eyes.

She smiled, slowly wrapping her arms around him and staring down at the ground.

"Hey..." Layne said softly, gently lifting her chin back up. "Don't look down...my face is up here. Justine I care about you alot. You're so beautiful. You make me so happy. Do you feel the same way about me?"

Jussi grabbed Layne's wrist, smiling softly, nodding slowly as she brought his hand back to her waist.

"I was laying in my bed...and I fucking missed you. I'm sorry I've forced myself in here...but I was thinking how this is bullshit. I miss you and I shouldn't have to be without you." Layne sighed and smiled before leaning in and kissing her.

Jussi sighed as their lips crashed together. Layne's brows furrowed as he hungrily kissed her. He pulled away, gasping for air before moving down to her neck, placing kisses. He spoke between kisses.

"I need this...I ran through the rain for you...I jumped in the bushes to hide for you...you're the only person that matters to me anymore...babe..." Layne sighed as he placed kisses all over he neck and collarbone.

Jussi sighed, tilting her head as Layne moved around to kiss her, biting her lip, brows furrowed. She could just feel the heat radiating off of him. He finally pulled away, licking his lips slowly.

"Wanna lay down?" He asked softly.

Jussi nodded slowly, barely speaking.

"C'mon...Layne smiled, pulling away from her. 

She watched as he walked over to the small bed, pulling his pants and underwear off. He looked at her and smiled, climbing in and sliding against the wall.

"Leave the light on. I just wanna watch you." Layne smiled warmly.

"No...no light on..." Jussi nearly whispered before turning the light switch off.

The window in her room barely illuminated the dark room. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she stood there. She knew what was most likely going to happen, but they weren't talking about it. She was scared to say something.

She slowly made her way to the bed.

"Babe where are you? I'm cold." Layne laughed lightly in the darkness.

"I'm coming." Jussi smiled warmly, climbing in the bed and under the covers with Layne.

They were nearly pressed together like sardines on the small, uncomfortable mattress. She could feel him breathing on her in the darkness. She felt his hand slide across her stomach as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Babe...why are you in your clothes? It's better if you take them off..." Layne smiled, kissing her cheek in the darkness.

"Since when do you sleep naked?" Jussi giggled.

"I don't know, since now." Layne chuckled. "Please...please babe take your clothes off..." Layne begged softly.

Jussi couldn't resist Layne's soft, soothing, child like voice. He could seem so innocent at times. She sat up in the darkness, removing her shirt and throwing it to the ground. She felt Layne's hand rubbing her stomach as she pulled her shirt over her head. She lifted her ass as she slide her pajama pants down, and kicked them to the floor. She squealed and jumped when she felt Layne's hand move up to her chest and grab one of her breasts.

"Layne!" She giggled in the darkness, moving his hand.

"Sorry, I can't see." He giggled. "You want the lights off."

Jussi sighed and moved back down, turning and facing Layne. She could feel his breaths against her face. She could feel his skin pressed against hers. The heat under the blanket was intensifying.

Layne laughed lightly as he leaned in in the darkness, his lips crashing to her nose first before moving down and finding her lips in the darkness. He sighed into their kiss as their tongues touched sensually, their breathes melding together. Jussi shivered when she felt Layne's hand rubbing up and down her hip, his fingers coming to slide under the side of her panties.

Jussi lifted her head as Layne kissed her bottom lip, and then her chin, kissing down to her neck and moving down to her collar bone. He brought his face back up to hers, kissing her lips again, keeping his forehead pressed against hers.

It was becoming a sauna under the comforter, their breathes mixed as they lingered close, Layne tugging on the side of her panties.

"Take your panties off babe..." Layne whispered, licking her lips, taking in a deep breath.

Their chests were pressed together. Layne was beginning to sweat. They could feel each other's heartbeats in the darkness. Jussi sighed, putting her hand on top of Layne's hand that was trying to pull her last article of clothing off.

"Layne..." She sighed in the darkness as their foreheads pressed together.

"Jussi you are the most beautiful woman in the world. I love every inch of you...I only see you. I don't see anyone else. I don't want to look at anyone else...only you babe. Fuck, I can't get you off my mind. All I think about is you...it sounds crazy, but it's true. My fucking chest hurts when I'm not with you. I fucking need you so bad. I need you. I need to feel every inch of you. Please...take them off, take them off for me." Layne whispered, brows furrowed in the darkness.

Before Jussi could speak again, Layne kissed her again, nuzzling his nose against hers.

"I could lay here with you forever." He whispered.

Jussi gasped, feeling a tingle all over her body. She could feel something hard pressing against her leg. There was no going back from this. They were going to do this. Layne was turning her on with his soft sweet talk, his roaming hands under the covers.

She moaned when she felt his hand move down between her legs under the covers, softly stroking her panty covered crease.

"This makes me so happy. Because I know that I've done this to you...I know that you're only this way for me...fuck this is so beautiful...I need to feel this...I need to feel it babe. I need you. I need you so fucking much." Layne nearly whispered.

Jussi could have sworn that he sounded like he was going to cry. She could feel her nipples perking up at Layne's touch against her panties, which had by this point, become wet with a yearning desire for the beautiful being that lay beside her.

Layne attacked her lips as he continued to stroke the moist fabric. Jussi let out shaky breaths as she pulled away from him, quickly sliding the fabric off of her hips. She shivered as she felt Layne's hand rubbing across her stomach under the covers before she could even get her panties off of her ankles.

She kicked them to the floor and they both lay there, hot and naked under the comforter of her bed.

Layne's hand began to travel across her skin as she lay there on her back. Layne was sideways with his back against the wall. He ran his hand over her skin, starting at her collar bone, and down and over her breasts, stopping to squeeze each one before he went on his way down her stomach, past her belly button, and around her lower stomach and around to her thigh, moving to her other thigh, avoiding the one place that burned the most.

"Layne...you fucking tease..." Jussi cursed, breathing deeply in the dark.

Layne chuckled lightly, his hand finally going between her legs, and moving up her lips, through the fine hairs that covered her most intimate part. Layne kept his hand there, fingers entagled in the fine hairs, as he leaned down and kissed his way to her lips again. He kissed her softly, their lips brushing together. He sucked on her bottom lip and tugged on it in the darkness. Jussi moaned lightly, shifting under Layne, grabbing his wrist and trying to move his hand to touch her. She lay there on fire, needing to feel him at this point. 

She whined lightly and Layne chuckled, finally moving around and straddling her, the covers still over their torsos.

"Spread your legs a little more babe..." Layne whispered, shifting around between her legs.

She spread her legs as far as she could on the small bed. Layne sighed shakily in the darkness, holding his erection, his other hand resting right near Jussi's head as he began to prod his way to the prize in the darkness.

She moaned lightly as he pressed his moist tip to her lip, rubbing around until it was engulfed by the fleshy meat and entrapped in wetness. Layne closed his eyes, concentrating and trying not to cum as he moved his tip further down soft, velvet and wet flesh until he felt that familiar sink in her flesh. He rested his tip against it, bringing his other hand by her head. He breathed heavily as he began to slowly thrust his hips forward, his tip being pushed against tender flesh. With each thrust he was deeper and deeper inside of her. His groin burned with a passion. He sighed shakily as he was all the way in and he began a slow rhythm.

Jussi gasped, arching her back. Layne leaned down as he began to slowly fuck her, his face buried in her neck as his hips moved against hers under the cover.

Jussi sighed in the darkness, enjoying the feeling of being penetrated by him. she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him close as he kept his face buried in her neck, his hands rested flat on either side of her head, his elbows bent.

"God this feels so good...fuck..." Layne muttered, voice muffled against her neck.

Their skin slid against one another's as Layne fucked her, their sweat mixing together. Jussi kept her eyes closed tight, heart racing, her whole body burning for this man.

She could feel his testicles rubbing against the inside of her thighs. He was being slow and gentle with her. 

He wasn't being like any other guy she had been with. They always slammed in to her and didn't care if they hurt her. Layne was so different.

She was so turned on by him.

"You doing okay?" He asked after a few minutes of thrusting, kissing her cheek.

"Yes...yeah I'm fine...just please don't stop..." Jussi breathed, turning her head to meet Layne's lips.

Layne smiled against her lips as they kissed, mouths open against one another's, tongues moving together in the same rhythm as Layne's thrusts.

Their bodies were pressed together in a heated desire. Jussi's privates burned with yearning as Layne thrusted into her. Layne shivered at how she felt. She was so moist and tight and her insides made every sensor on his cock explode with pleasure with each thrust.

They were quiet as they fucked, breathing hard, occasionally moaning. Jussi bit her lip and smiled, not wanting Layne to stop. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around Layne's waist under the covers. 

Layne laughed lightly as he started to speed his thrusts, lifting himself up on his arms.

"I wish I could see you...I wish the lights were on, fuck you're so beautiful, you feel so fucking good Jussi." Layne breathed as he started to fuck her harder. 

She held onto the backs of her thighs with her hands as they fucked, the covers falling off of them as Layne sped up.

"Layne fuck me..." Jussi breathed, writhing beneath him, arching her back.

Layne let out shaky breaths as he started to fuck her hard, their sweaty skin slapping together. Jussi moaned lightly as she felt Layne's testicles slapping against her skin with each thrust.

They were starting to fuck so hard that her bed was creaking, piercing the dead silence of the room.

"Fuck fuck fuck...Layne don't stop, it feels good. I love it...fuck me babe...fuck!" Jussi mumbled, eyes closed in the darkness, concentrating on the burning and tingling feeling between her legs that was becoming more intense with each thrust by her lover.

Layne leaned back down, sighing and moaning lightly, brows furrowed as he hungrily found her lips shoved his tongue into her mouth in the darkness as they fucked.

Jussi writhed beneath Layne as they kissed. Layne grabbed her wrist with one hand and then grabbed her other wrist with his other hand in the darkness. He pulled away from her lips to hold her arms over her head, pinning her down as he moved fast against her, feeling her juices drip down his testicles as he fucked her. He quickly reattached his mouth to hers, fervently licking her tongue and holding her down as they fucked.

Jussi began to moan against his mouth, shaking as Layne held her down, bucking her hips against Layne's. It was too much for Layne as he tried to hold on as she orgasmed while he was inside of her; her muscles throbbing against his hardened shaft that was buried deep within her.

Layne pulled off of Jussi's lips, keeping his nose and forehead pressed against hers as he fucked her.

"Jussi...this is so hot...I'm going to cum...fuck babe...I'm close..." Layne whispered.

"Faster..." Jussi moaned as Layne held her down.

Layne began to moan lightly as he breathed, finally hitting a spot inside of her that drove him wild. He could feel the buildup with each thrust. He started to whimper as he teetered on the edge. 

He jumped, gasping as he stayed against her, holding her down as his orgasm came on. His thrusts slowed down and became jerks as he shook against her, his groin throbbing and his cock releasing deep inside of her. He thrusted a few more times before he stopped, pulling out of her, his cock coated in her juices.

He breathed hard, chest rising and falling rapidly as he pulled out, staying on top of her.

They stayed this way for a few minutes, breathing against one another, foreheads pressed together, broke out in sweats, skin pressed together.

They were silent as Layne moved around, laying back against the wall. Jussi turned around silently, her back to him. Layne spooned her, throwing an arm over her stomach. 

He lazily kissed the back of her hair. The orgasm was so intense for him that he could barely keep his eyes open. There was so much he wanted to tell her but he couldn't stay awake. He was so relaxed and comfortable. His world was perfect right then.

Jussi lay there, hands pushed against her cheek as she lay sideways staring into the darkness. She had a lump in her throat and her eyes were pooling with tears. Her heart was racing. She was a bit relieved when she heard Layne's slow, deep breathes, signifying that he was sleeping.

She didn't want to talk right about then. She had so many emotions swimming around inside of her. This was beautiful. This was the best sex she had ever had in her life. She felt connected with Layne. They didn't have to speak, she didn't have to moan like a cheap whore. She didn't have to fake it. 

She didn't even need him to rub her to an orgasm, their fucking was so intense that she had burst on her own. It was all due to Layne. He made her feel pretty.

She knew it. Right then and there when he didn't pull out, she knew that he loved her. She fucking loved him too but she was afraid.

This shit had gotten too intense. Pretty soon she was going to have to go away. What she and Layne had would be ruined, because she was stupid and couldn't manage her finances right.

She was going to get kicked out of the facility and lose her help. She sniffled lightly in the darkness as hot tears poured down her face.

Why the fuck was she having these thoughts during this moment? This man behind her, who was holding on to her for dear life fucking loved her.

He had ventured out in the rain, avoiding the night time security to get to her room, because he couldn't stop thinking about her. He had fucked her and said nice things to her.

And she was feeling guilty. She just didn't feel like she deserved to be loved this way. She was a loser. She felt like a loser.

She would just have to enjoy what they had for now, because she would most likely never see him again in another month.

She always fucked up everything. She turned around facing him, throwing her arm over him.

Layne whined in his sleep, shifting a bit, tightening his grip on her.

She sniffled, nuzzling her face into his chest and holding on to him, feeling safe and protected for once in her life.

* * *

Jussi was half asleep when she felt someone shaking her. She furrowed her brows, shoving the arms away from her with her arm and turned her head, sighing, not wanting to get up she was so comfortable.

She heard a laugh and shivered when she felt a soft voice by her ear.

"Babe...wake up." 

"No..." Jussi said softly.

"Yes...get up..." The voice breathed into her ear again, kissing it.

"Stop...pleeease..." Jussi sighed.

She turned her head and opened her eyes finally, looking up to see the purest, brightest and bluest eyes ever. The early morning sunlight from the window illumiated the room, making Layne look like an angel as he looked down at her.

"Morning beautiful..." Layne said softly, smiling warmly at her.

"Morning." She smiled. 

Layne leaned down and kissed her, smoothing over her hair and looking at her again. Jussi noticed this look he was giving her was not like any look he had given her before.

He looked so happy, so fresh. 

"Last night was great...I slept so fucking good. This is the best sleep I've gotten since I've been here..." Layne smiled softly.

Jussi smiled, nodding and looking at him.

"What time is your sponsor coming? I don't want to leave...I think I'll just hide under the bed. I don't even care." Layne sighed and smiled, biting his lip and looking down at her.

Jussi furrowed her brows as she looked at him, getting confused but then she realized what she had told him.

"My sponsor's not coming today." She said turning around not facing him.

"What?" Layne smiled, brows furrowed lightly as he put her hair behind her ears, rubbing her shoulder and pressing a kiss to it.

"She's not coming today. I lied." Jussi sighed, feeling all the bad feelings start to pool inside of her again.

"Why would you lie?" Layne asked softly, a bit confused as he rubbed her hip. "You didn't want me to stay with you?" 

Jussi shrugged, biting her lip.

"Babe...please don't lie to me...I'm glad you changed your mind...it was well worth it wasn't it?" Layne smiled, kissing her shoulder.

Jussi felt extremely guilty. There was no pushing Layne away. He just shrugged off the fact that she lied to him to get him to go away. She turned back around, eyes pooling with tears as she looked up at him.

Layne furrowed his brows as he looked into her eyes, stroking her cheek.

"Babe...why you crying? Stop that..." Layne said softly.

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I just...I knew we were going to end up doing what we did last night...and I was just scared...I loved it so much...and I want to do it again with you..." Jussi sniffled as tears poured down her face.

"Babe...scared? Don't be scared...ever...just talk to me about it next time. Don't lie to me. Don't be afraid to talk to me. I would never rush you into something...I"m so sorry if you felt like I rushed you into this..." Layne replied, brows furrowed as he wiped her tears away with his thumb.

He leaned down and kissed her, tilting his head and looking into her eyes.

"I loved it Layne. You were so gentle, so nice, so different from anyone I've ever been with." Jussi smiled.

"You deserve to be treated like a queen. You're beautiful, you're my queen..." Layne sighed and smiled, laying it on pretty thick.

Jussi closed her eyes and sniffled lightly as Layne leaned down and kissed her again. He pulled away licking his lips and pressing his forehead to hers and sighed.

"I don't deserve to be treated like a queen..." Jussi mumbled, sniffling.

"Yeah you do. Justine...I love you. I love you okay." Layne said softly, leaning up and looking down at her.

"You do?" Jussi asked, sniffling.

Layne smiled warmly and nodded. "MMM HMM. I love you....do you...love me?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yeah..." Jussi nodded, tears pouring down her face.

She was feeling conflicted. She was feeling guilty and happy all at the same time. She started sobbing, putting her hands over her face.

Layne figured she was crying because she was so happy that someone finally loved her with all the shit she had been through in her life. He had no idea of the other things she was silently going through.

"I love you and I can't live without you. Does that sound crazy?" Layne chuckled lightly after Jussi calmed down a bit.

He smiled when she shrugged and sniffled. He leaned down and kissed her softly, nuzzling his nose into hers.

He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to unload on her right then and there in that shitty twin sized bed that barely fit both of them.

He wanted to tell her that he wanted to be with her forever. He wanted to tell her to live with him. He wanted to marry her. He wanted to build a new, clean life with her. He wanted to help her better herself. He wanted to encourage her to get a GED and get some kind of degree so she'd have something to fall back on. He wanted to buy her clothes and pay for her to get her hair and nails done. He wanted to make her feel beautiful. He didn't want to overwhelm her so he kept all of these feelings inside as he passionately kissed her.

He pulled away, smiling down at her. She sniffled and smiled back, stroking his cheek.

"So since your sponsor ain't coming, do you wanna maybe get a quick one in before we go eat breakfast?" Layne smirked, wiggling his brows at her.

Jussi giggled and shrugged her shoulders, nodding. 

"Yes!" Layne smirked, straddling her and throwing the covers over their bodies.

Jussi squealed as Layne began to place kisses all over her body under the covers. Layne always had a way of diverting her thoughts away from her problems.


	6. Self-Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jussi..." Layne smiled, looking down at her, eyes pooling with tears. 
> 
> He was so glad to see her. He didn't know if she had left or what. Just seeing her made his day. 
> 
> She had her knees pulled to her chest. She slowly looked up at him, a sad look on her face. She looked back out into the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt_6jLd4M-w

It was as if a lion had been unleashed over the next few weeks with Layne. He had fallen so in love with Jussi. He hadn't been in a sexual relationship in years and he loved the feeling of someone. He loved the fact that he had someone to go to when he needed them. He loved the fact that someone was just there for him, with him. He wasn't alone. 

He couldn't remember having so much sex in his life since the early 90's when he was on tour with his band. But that was all meaningless sex. The sex he was having with this girl, it meant something to him. Every time they were together, wrapped up in each other, Layne felt healed.

Layne had never once thought about going back to the way he was ever since he and Jussi stepped it up a notch. He could only think about his future with her. He wanted to tell her, to ask her but he wanted to wait for the right time. 

It made him feel good to meet up with her and see her smile and be happy to see him. That was all he ever wanted, was to feel that someone truly cared about him and loved him. Someone to always be there. Jussi had been there nearly every day. 

It had become an everyday thing for the couple. They couldn't always stay the night in each other's rooms, but they always were around each other anytime they could be. They tried to make it look normal, trying their best to show up for all their activities. Sometimes they'd just skip activities to hang out in each other's rooms and do something nasty.

They were staying under the radar for the most part. Layne couldn't resist holding her hand when they'd walk around the facility. Everyone always appeared to be oblivious to them. That's what Layne liked, it was only he and Jussi in their universe, no interference.

* * *

Jussi sat in her room one morning, looking through her mail. She had just gotten back from checking her mail and using the payphone to call her bank and find out her balance. 

She was cleaned out. Her account balance had finally hit 0. It was only a matter of time now before the rehab would tell her she had to leave since she couldn't afford the monthly payments. She was no where near ready to leave here yet. She wanted to start seeing a therapist but she couldn't afford it. 

Jussi had not a dime to her name. It made her want to cry when she thought about it. She opened up an envelope from her bank and read the threatening letter.

She didn't understand half of what it was talking about, all the big business jargon on it. She did understand that she owed a lot of money on the loans she had took out to get here and the bank had taken the rest of her insurance money to pay for them. 

Jussi could feel the tears welling in her eyes when she thought about her situation. She was so tired of struggling. She had been struggling her whole life. She was trying so hard and it was going to be taken away from her within a matter of weeks. She was going to end up right back where she was. She was going to die.

She put the letter on the bed beside her and put her hands to her face as she started to sob. She was so stressed out. Sometimes she thought that she should just walk out and leave and not look back. Go find a drug dealer and score. All of these stressful feelings she was having reminded her why she got addicted in the first place. The feelings the drugs gave her made it easier to slide through life. 

She'd think about Layne after she'd have these thoughts. She couldn't just leave Layne. He was so happy. He made her happy. He was keeping her here. But soon he wouldn't be able to. She'd have to leave. She was so scared to tell him. When he found out how much she had fucked up her finances, he'd surely not want to deal with her anymore. It felt good to be loved for the moment. The moment wouldn't last. Anytime Jussi thought she had something good in her life, it blew up in her face.

She sobbed for a little while longer, sniffling and wiping her eyes. She wiped her nose on the back of her hand as she sat there, alone in her shoe box room, staring at the floor idly.

Within minutes, there was a knock at her door. She jumped, taken out of her thoughts. She stood up, shoving the bank letter under her bed and combing her fingers through her hair, sniffling and wiping her eyes again. The knock sounded again. 

She knew it was Layne. She could tell by the knocking. She went to the door and opened it, smiling at him. He stood there, a bright smile on his face as he looked at her.

"Hey." She smiled.

"Hey...you gonna let me in?" Layne smirked.

"Sure..." Jussi smiled, sniffling lightly as she stepped aside to let Layne into her room.

He walked right on in and she closed the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed, he grabbed her from behind, arms wrapped around her stomach, placing a kiss to her cheek.

"I missed you so much babe...how have you been?" He asked, placing kisses to her neck.

"Layne!" Jussi giggled, holding onto his hands that were on her stomach, flinching as his kisses tickled her neck.

"I'm good...it's only been a few hours...geez..." She smiled.

"A few hours is like an eternity in this place." Layne muttered pulling away from her.

She turned around and looked at him and he smirked, stepping up to her again and putting his hands on her waist. He looked into her eyes, his smile fading, his brows furrowed. He reached up and stroked her cheek.

"Jussi...have you been crying?" Layne asked, concerned.

"No Layne..." Jussi lied, putting her hand on top of his hand that was caressing her cheek.

"You sure? Your eyes look a little puffy and red..." Layne replied, biting his lip.

Jussi rolled her eyes. 

"I'm fine Layne, really. I think it's just allergies or something. I didn't have the window open last night." She lied again.

"Well maybe you should go down to the infirmary and they can give you something for that..." Layne replied, concerned.

"I'll be okay." Jussi sighed. 

Layne pulled her in for a hug, hugging her tight.

"If it gets any worse, I'm gonna walk you down there myself." Layne smiled.

They moved to sit on her bed. Layne smiled, putting his hand on her hand.

"So. Just got back from my therapist. I asked her was it normal for me to be so...horny you know, while I'm getting over this...and she said it's normal...it means I'm getting back to normal. I feel really good babe. I feel like I'm making progress for the first time ever. 13 fucking tries and now I'm finally getting through this." Layne chuckled.

Jussi tried to act happy. Deep down she wasn't, she was worried about all her shit that was going to eventually hit the fan within the next few weeks.

"So you told her we were screwing?" Jussi smiled a little, biting her lip.

"No...fuck no...I don't know if she'd like, fucking tell on us or something. I don't need to get kicked out of here...I feel like I'm nearly done with this. My sessions have been going really well. I'm feeling great." Layne smiled.

"That's just great babe..." Jussi smiled, looking down at her lap, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Babe?" Layne asked, brows furrowed as he sat there, looking at her as she put her fingers to the bridge of her nose as she hung her head, her red hair covering her face.

Layne's heart broke when he heard her sniffling.

"Babe what is it?" Layne asked, moving her hair out of her face, sliding closer to her.

Her face was red and tears were streaming down her face.

"Talk to me...allergies my ass...I told you not to lie to me. What's wrong?" Layne asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"I don't know...I'm just...I don't feel like I'm making much progress." Jussi rambled.

It wasn't _entirely_ a lie.

"Baby, yes you are making progress. You're doing great. You're very horny too...so that means you're getting better too." Layne smirked, rubbing her shoulder.

Jussi sniffled and smiled, wiping her eyes.

"I love you so much Justine. Stop having these doubts. You're gonna make it. I know it. You're so strong. And you know what? If it wasn't for you, I'd probably have left this place right now, went back to my condo and got back into the same old shit. I wanna live. I wanna live for you." Layne smiled.

"Layne...that's so fucking sweet..." Jussi sniffled, wiping her eyes.

"Do you love me?" Layne pouted, sad that she didn't say it back to him.

"Yes...I love you." Jussi said softly, smiling and looking up at him.

"You're doing so good..." Layne said softly, looking into her eyes as he leaned in.

Their eyes fell closed as they started to kiss softly. Layne sighed as their kiss started to deepen, his tongue entering her mouth. She tilted her head up after a few minutes, gasping for air. Layne kissed her chin and then took her bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it and tugging lightly.

They looked at each other intensely as she backed up on the bed and Layne stood up so she could swing her legs onto the small bed. Layne kicked his shoes off and climbed onto the bed, straddling her. 

He smiled warmly at her before leaning down and kissing her again, reaching his hand under her shirt to cup her breast.

He pulled away from her lips, moving to kiss her neck. She sighed, tilting her head, her arms wrapped around him.

"Layne...we're gonna miss our yoga class..." Jussi sighed, biting her lip as she enjoyed the feeling of Layne sucking the flesh of her neck.

Layne spoke between kisses and nips.

"That's okay. We can do our own yoga right here, right now. This yoga's gonna make you feel super good."

Jussi giggled as Layne continued to suck her neck, leaving hickeys in his wake. He backed away after a few minutes of kissing her skin. She sat up slightly, pulling her shirt off. Layne ran his hands up and down her torso as she removed her shirt. He quickly reached behind her, unclasping her bra and helped her get it off.

She smiled at him as she laid back down and he grabbed her breasts, squeezing them lightly.

"I'm so hard for you babe..." Layne nearly whispered as he caressed her breasts.

Jussi tilted her head back and sighed as Layne leaned down, beginning to tease her nipples with his mouth, biting and sucking and nipping.

Layne sat up, quickly pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor. His chest rose and fell with desire as he quickly shoved her sweatpants and panties down, shoving his hand between her legs, between them.

He looked down at her as he was on top of her, sticking his fingers in and out of her vaginal opening, feeling her become wet with anticipation.

"Layne...fuck me..." Jussi begged, biting her lip as Layne shoved his fingers inside of her.

"That's my intention..." Layne breathed.

Layne didn't even care about removing clothes all the way. He wanted her right there and then. Jussi bit her lip and watched as Layne sat up on his knees, still straddling her. He fumbled with his belt, unzipping his pants, about to shove his pants and underwear down and expose his aching hard on to her.

Jussi watched with a gleam in her eyes as Layne shoved his zipper down, revealing the bulge on his underwear, a prominent wet spot where his tip pushed against the fabric, aching for release. 

Layne began to push his clothes down, his pubes peeking out of his boxers.

He was almost there when suddenly the door to Jussi's room swung open. 

Layne's eyes widened and his immediate reaction was to shield Jussi. He laid on top of her and looked back, his crack peeking out of his pants that he had barely shoved down. Jussi looked over his shoulder with wide eyes, shrieking as the person barged into her room.

Both people's chests were rising and falling rapidly.

A black lady stand there, staring at them for a second, one of her eyebrows nearly raised to her hairline.

"Justine, I'm gonna need you to come see me right now honey." The woman said in a stern voice, looking to the side as if she was trying to avoid what she just saw.

It all happened so fast and it was awkward as the woman barged in the room, saw them about to have sex, and said that, then she walked out, slamming the door behind her.

Layne cursed, frowning as he shakily got off of Jussi, standing up and pulling his pants up and fixing his clothes, his cock going flaccid as his heart nearly beat out of his chest.

Jussi sat up on the bed fixing her clothes, a look of utter shock on her face, biting her knuckles.

"Who the fuck was that?" Layne asked, in a daze as he stood there frowning, grabbing his shirt off of the floor. "Who the fuck just barges into someone's room like that? This is bullshit...fuck...haven't they heard of fucking knocking?" Layne muttered as he got dressed, frustrated as hell.

Jussi slowly looked over at Layne with a look of horror in her eyes.

"That was my sponsor..." She said softly, letting out a sharp breath.

Jussi leaned down, getting her bra and putting it back on and then her shirt.

Layne's eyes widened. 

"Your sponsor? Holy fucking shit! Oh my god...babe you don't think she's gonna fucking tell it do you?" He asked, referring to the fact that they had just got caught about to fuck in this rehab facility, which absolutely forbid it.

Jussi put her hands over her face. Her voice came out as if she was about to cry.

"I don't know Layne. I don't fucking know. I can't believe that happened...I have the worst luck!" She sighed shakily.

That statement had more meaning to it than Layne realized.

Layne rushed to her side, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey, it's okay. It's not like they know we've been fucking every day...if she tries to get you in trouble...just say that you made a mistake babe...say that it was only one time...fuck...why the fuck do you even have a sponsor...waste of fucking time if you ask me. Fuck I hope that woman doesn't tell it. Things have been going so fucking good so far." Layne muttered, frustrated as he hugged Jussi.

"I haven't seen her since we started fucking...honestly..." Justine sighed, rubbing her knees.

Layne couldn't help but chuckle, kissing her cheek.

"You don't need a sponsor...I've told you babe. What you need is a therapist. A therapist is good. I mean, I used to think that they were all bullshit, but honestly if you find the right one, it works." Layne sighed.

Jussi bit her lip and nodded, rubbing her face.

"Fuck...why didn't I lock the door!" She groaned.

"It's gonna be alright babe...we just gotta remember to lock the door next time. Fuck. I mean really, who doesn't knock...that was so rude. Fuck! We were just about to get down!" Layne frowned, rubbing her back.

Jussi smiled a little, absolutely terrified. She looked at Layne, leaning over and kissing him.

"Listen babe...I'm gonna go see my sponsor okay? I don't know what the hell she's gonna say. I'll meet back up with you when I'm done, alright? I know our schedule. I'll find you." Jussi smiled.

Layne pouted, not wanting to let her go. He stood up and hugged her.

"I hope this ain't gonna take a while. Fuck." He cursed as he held her tight.

She closed her eyes as she took in his scent, hugging him back. 

As if things couldn't get any worse, now they had gotten caught breaking the rules.

* * *

Layne was losing his mind. Jussi had been gone for hours. He missed yoga, went to art class, went to lunch, went to an addicts meeting and went to the late yoga class to get his time in. He had Jussi on his mind the entire time.

He was extremely worried about her. After his slew of activities it was nearly evening. Something had to be wrong. Layne wandered back to his room, hoping that she'd be waiting for him but no one was there.

He went into his room, showering and changing his clothes and then came back out to look for Jussi. He made his way to her room, heart beating out of his chest. He knocked on the door and at the same time, tried to open it but it was locked.

"Jussi, babe are you in there?" He spoke to the door as he knocked frantically.

Layne was desperate as he stood there, a lump in his throat. He felt sick to his stomach. He didn't know what was going on, or what had happened. Had Jussi gotten in trouble? If she had gotten in trouble surely someone would have came and got him as well. 

Layne knocked on her door for nearly 5 minutes, not getting an answer.

"Fuck!" He cursed to himself, pressing his forehead against the door, his hands pressed against it. 

He sighed, standing there, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to rack his brain for anywhere she might be. Maybe she was in the front office or something.

Layne left, looking for Jussi. He walked to the main entrance of the rehab, looking for any redheads. He didn't see her anywhere.

* * *

Layne had tears in his eyes as he idly walked around the rehab. He felt like he was losing his mind and this was a bad dream. He had no idea where his girlfriend was or what her fate had been.

He cursed himself. He should have fucking told her everything. He should have told her he was gonna take care of her.

He didn't know what he was gonna do. If they told her she had to leave...then he had no idea where she could have gone. How would he find her? If she left, then he'd leave too. 

He wasn't going to stay here by himself. He was going to be with her.

Layne's mind was reeling as he found himself on the beach, the sun setting. He always found himself coming here around this time. It was the best time to go to the beach, no one was there. Everyone was inside.

Layne walked with his head down, staring at his feet as he dragged them across the sand, listening to the sounds of the waves crashing, the slight breeze blowing. 

Layne finally looked up, wiping his eyes, his vision coming into focus as he stared out at the ocean. He scanned the ocean, looking out into the vast landscape, sighing.

Something caught his eye as he was standing there and looking at the ocean. His eyes went back to the fiery red strands that were blowing in the breeze.

Layne's heart nearly beat out of his throat as he stood there, squinting his eyes, seeing someone sitting on the beach. 

"Jussi?" He muttered to himself, standing there for a split second.

That _had_ to be Jussi! She was practically the only redhead there! Layne suddenly took off in a run. He ran as fast as he could across the beach, praying that this person was Jussi.

He stopped when he came up behind her, her long red hair falling down her back, blowing slightly in the wind.

"Jussi?" Layne asked, voice cracking, out of breath as he walked near the person.

A wave of relief washed over him when he stood there, looking down, and it was her.

"Jussi..." Layne smiled, looking down at her, eyes pooling with tears. 

He was so glad to see her. He didn't know if she had left or what. Just seeing her made his day. 

She had her knees pulled to her chest. She slowly looked up at him, a sad look on her face. She looked back out into the ocean. Layne's eyes widened for a second.

Something was seriously wrong with her. He had this impending doom feeling all of a sudden with the way she was looking at him. He sat down on the sand beside her, his knees bent, his arms resting on them, holding his own hands between them as he looked down at the sand, sniffling.

"Jussi what's going on? Where have you been babe? Why are you out here by yourself? Talk to me. I fucking missed you today. I was so worried about you." Layne said softly, looking down at the sand.

"I went to go see my sponsor." Jussi said softly, staring out into the ocean.

"And?" Layne asked softly, looking over at her.

She stared out into the ocean, squinting her eyes. Layne could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Babe are you in trouble? Did she tell it? Are you getting kicked out?" Layne asked softly.

Jussi was silent for a moment before she spoke. She sniffled and looked down, rocking back and forth slightly.

"She didn't say anything about it." Jussi simply replied.

Layne smiled a little.

"That's a good thing, then, right?" He asked softly.

She was being weird and it confused him.

"I guess." Jussi sniffled.

"So what else is wrong? Talk to me. I'm your boyfriend...you can tell me anything...I want you to tell me anything...because I love you..." Layne said softly, sliding closer to her, sighing shakily.

Jussi picked a shell out of the sand and threw it in the ocean. She sniffled.

"I don't think I'm gonna make it through this program." She said softly.

"What?" Layne said breathlessly. 

He put his arm around her waste, stretching his long legs out.

"Yes you are. You're gonna make it. Why do you keep doubting yourself. You've been here 6 months. You're doing so good. You're taking your meds, your getting check ups. You're doing so good babe. There's no need to give up. I won't let you give up." Layne said softly, pressing his forehead against her temple.

"I talked to my sponsor...she gave me this long speech about how what she caught us about to do is not the point of coming here. She totally judged me Layne...she acted as if I was going to relapse big time...just because of what she saw us doing. I told her my whole life story and she judged me on it, treating me as if I'm some kind of ticking time bomb..." Jussi sighed.

Layne was silent for a moment. He gritted his teeth.

"These sponsors don't know shit. They're just fucking volunteers. I been through it before. I told you, its a waste of time. Get a therapist babe. What a fucked up thing....we're in fucking love. You're not just fucking me for a fucking thrill. They don't fucking understand. Man fuck that lady!" Layne was getting frustrated.

"I let her go. I listened to her little speech. I mean, I haven't been to see her in months anyway. She was concerned, I told her I'd get a therapist to get her to leave me alone. She told me she wasn't going to report my activity, but that I needed to focus on the point of being here." Jussi sighed.

Layne squeezed her side, kissing her cheek and resting his head against hers.

"Good. Best decision. You don't need a sponsor. It'll be alright babe. I wish you'd had come back to me after this shit went down. What have you been doing all day?" Layne asked, concerned.

"Nothing. I laid in my room, and I've been out here." Jussi sighed.

"You didn't want to see me or something?" Layne pouted, nuzzling his nose against her cheek.

Jussi was feeling irritated with everything that was going on. She shrugged Layne off.

"Stop Layne! No...I just wanted to be alone for a few hours. We don't have to fucking be around each other all the damn time!" She exclaimed without thinking.

Layne scoffed at her actions, sliding away from her, bringing his knees to his chest again, staring out at the ocean. He could feel a burning feeling in his chest.

"I'm sorry." Layne sniffled, tears forming in his eyes.

"This is fucking hard. This is so hard. I'm tired of struggling. I'm fucking tired of it!" Jussi exclaimed suddenly, crying hysterically, hands covering her face.

"Babe..." Layne sniffled, trying to hug her again.

"Get off Layne!" She exclaimed. "I'm not in the mood for that shit right now!" She yelled at him.

"I don't understand what's so fucking hard Justine! You're doing good! You've got me! You're not alone! Why can't you realize that? I care about you! I'm here! I love you! I'm your safety net babe!" Layne exclaimed, tears pouring down his face.

He couldn't understand why she was suddenly acting this way. She was being mean to him. She had never been mean to him since they established they were together.

"You don't understand..." Justine sniffled.

"Yes I do! I fucking understand! I was so fucking alone for so many years! Everyone enabled my fucking habit! The record company use to hire some guy to fucking babysit me on tour to make sure I didn't take heroin...it was so fucking stupid. I dodged that fuck and shot up anyway. Eventually it was as if they didn't care anymore...my bandmates too. As I said, the other guy in the band, they started ruffling his feathers up to take over, because they knew I was fucking sick. My mom doesn't fucking care...she wouldn't even come out here to visit me, she doesn't want to hear me talk about my progress here! I use to sit in my condo and play video games and do drugs all fucking day because I hated myself and I felt like I was a waste of space on this earth...beacause that's how everyone was treating me!

I was getting deeper and deeper into it. I was so fucking alone. I didn't think I was going to get through this Justine...but then I fucking met you." Layne sobbed, wishing she'd let him hold her.

"Oh would you stop fucking saying that!? Why the fuck do you love me Layne? I'm nobody! I'm just this fucking junkie stripper who's a whore for drugs. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm fucking stupid." Jussi exclaimed angrily, tears pouring down her face.

"Don't you fucking talk about yourself like that! You aren't any of those things anymore. You definitely aren't stupid!" Layne exclaimed. "Stupid people don't try to get better! I used to be stupid!" 

Jussi didn't smiled. She sniffled, staring at the ground.

"Yeah but why do you love me? I just don't get why you love me so much."

"I love you because....because you're _YOU_ Justine! I don't fucking know, I love you because you're so nice...you're so pretty...you make me laugh. I just fucking love you okay!" Layne exclaimed, sniffling.

"Yeah, see, there's no fucking reason. You can't even think of a reason. I don't have anything. All I have are the things that are in my room. I have no home, no family, nothing. I'm not interesting. The only things I'm good at is sex and hustling. Other girls have talents. They do things, like dance or draw or horseback riding...I don't fucking know. I'm nothing!" Jussi frowned.

"Justine! Why are you acting like this? What the fuck went on with that sponsor? Babe I'm so in love with you. I love you! I want you to be better! I want to fucking marry you babe! I want you to come with me when this thing is over! You painted that picture...it's abstract, it's pretty! I love it! You can do anything you set your mind to!" Layne exclaimed.

Jussi put her hands back over her face, sobbing.

"I don't deserve to be anyone's wife. Don't fucking say that about me. That painting was nothing more then me just throwing paint onto the paper. It means nothing. You're so positive Layne. Don't set yourself up for disappointment." Jussi muttered.

"What?" Layne exclaimed, tears pouring down his face. "What the fuck does that even mean Justine? Getting with you is the greatest accomplishment I've ever made...I'm gonna fucking die without you. I need you in my life. If I don't have you, I'll die." Layne exclaimed desperately.

Jussi furrowed her brows, looking at Layne as tears poured down her face. Layne tried to move in and wrap his arms around her and hold her. Jussi frustratedly pushed Layne away.

"I fucking told you Layne! Don't touch me right now!" She exclaimed.

"But why? Just hold me, you'll get through this...you're just having a moment babe...I'm not leaving you, ever." Layne sobbed, heart hurting.

"Just go back to your room. I just wanna be alone right now." Jussi frowned, staring out into the ocean, sighing.

"No babe..." Layne sobbed, wiping his eyes.

She turned her head, glaring at him. 

"Just leave me alone!" She nearly screamed, her voice echoing across the beach.

Layne could feel the blood pool to his toes when she screamed at him. He sat there, staring at her as she stared out into the ocean, a frown on her face.

"Is that what you really want?" Layne asked softly.

Jussi was silent as she sat there, not looking at Layne. Layne sighed, slowly getting up and brushing his pants off.

"You know what..." Layne said softly, feeling anger boiling in him at her behavior. "You are stupid Jussi. You're so fucking stupid!" Layne frowned, sniffling.

Jussi scoffed, looking over at Layne, frowning.

"You can't fucking see that I'm right here, and I care about you, and I don't want to let you fucking fail. I don't fucking know where all this shit is coming from! Why can't you just fucking accept the fact that I love you! What else do I have to fucking do? I don't fucking know! But, whatever! See ya!" Layne frowned, before turning away.

He shook his head as he made his way across the beach, away from her. He could feel his chest heaving he was so upset. He never expected her to act this way towards him. He thought they were in love.

Now he was so confused. Did she not love him? She acted as if she was annoyed by him. She pushed him off of her like he was a plague.

Layne made it to his room. He closed and locked the door, sinking down to the floor, burying his face in his knees and letting all of his emotions out, sobbing.

Why the fuck was Jussi acting this way? Why was she pushing him away? He fucking needed her. It hurt him so bad that she didn't have any confidence in herself when he fucking believed in her. She was his reason for getting better. He was going to get better so he could have a life with her. Why couldn't she see that? Why was she so fucking scared to be happy?

* * *

Jussi was shocked when Layne got a tone with her. Hot tears poured down her face as she watched Layne walk off. She looked back at the ocean and put her palm against her eye, letting out more tears.

She was so angry. She was angry about her financial problems, angry at her sponsor walking in on her and Layne, angry at her sponsor's accusations about her, angry because she wanted to get a therapist but she simply couldn't afford, and most of all she was angry because she knew she was going to have to leave in a few weeks.

She felt guilty immediately after Layne walked off for the way she had spoke to him. She couldn't control herself. She just didn't see why Layne thought so highly of her. She was already irritated with everything else and she just took it out on Layne.

She wasn't sure if he hated her now or what. It didn't really matter anyway. Maybe it was best to push him away, she was going to do nothing but hurt him anyway when she just disappeared once the next payments were due.

She sat on the beach for hours, crying, feeling sorry for herself.


	7. The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not in the mood to fucking talk right now. Just fuck off!" Layne spat, shoving his hands in his pockets before walking off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Layne sat at a table in the dining room of the rehab facility. He stared down at his food, idly stabbing it with a fork. His previous permanent frown had came back. He didn't have anything to be happy about anymore.

He felt like he was back at square one. He had been skipping all of his activities the whole week. He stayed in his room. Most of the time he was laid up in his bed, contemplating things. 

He hadn't seen Jussi in a few days. He hadn't been out looking for her either. He still couldn't believe her outburst and her anger. He figured they were pretty much broken up.

He had begun to think that the drama was over in his life. He thought he had met a nice and pretty girl that he was going to spend the rest of his life with, and it had ended up in shit already. 

It hurt him at the way she had acted towards him. It hurt him to think about it. These feelings reminded him why he used to drink and drug himself into oblivion. He fucking hated feeling like this.

He was starting to doubt himself again. What the fuck was waiting for him outside of this place? An empty condo and no one to share it with. No one. Layne had no one once again.

He had fucking fallen for it again. He always gave himself completely to someone and it always went to shit. He'd spend hours racking his brain for anything he could have done to upset Jussi. He had no idea what was going on with her, he thought she loved him back as much as he loved her.

Was he just a fuck to her?

Layne would switch from being angry to being sad. Right then he was fucking angry. Angry how he'd given her his all. He showed her constantly how much he loved her when he ravaged her. It was so fucking great...and all of a sudden she wasn't around anymore. He felt like a used car. A used car with too many miles on it.

Maybe he should just walk out and quit. Go back to Seattle and find his dealer and shoot up. He knew this wasn't going to work. Being clean and sober was the worst.

Layne hated feeling all of these feelings. He didn't want to feel at all.

He picked at his food, taking a bite and sitting back in his chair and sighing as he stared into space, frowning. He thought about his recent visit to his therapist earlier in the week.

_  
"Layne? Mr. Staley...you seem to be having a bad day today..." Layne's therapist Marie replied._

_Layne sat on the couch that faced the desk, rubbing his forehead, tears streaming down his face. He felt fucking stupid. He couldn't even hold them in. He had so many thoughts and emotions running through his mind._

_"Well no shit. Things are bad again." Layne sniffled, looking down, arms crossed over his chest as he sat there._

_"Things are bad? What do you mean things are bad? Tell me." Marie replied as she got up from her desk, grabbing her clipboard and a box of tissues._

_She sat on the couch beside Layne, setting the box of tissues between them. Layne hesitated and frowned, grabbing one and blowing his nose, tossing it into a trashcan across the room._

_"They just are. I feel like fucking quitting and walking out. I seriously do." He frowned._

_"Well Layne, that would just be awful. You've made a lot of progress. You seem to be slipping back into that old mind frame. Why don't you tell me about your day yesterday?" She asked, pen held up to her clipboard._

_Layne sighed and frowned, shifting on the couch._

_"I don't know. It was a regular day. I woke up, had breakfast, went to art and had a meeting. Went to yoga. Ate again...the regular stuff." Layne frowned._

_Marie flipped through her papers._

_"I see you went to yoga late in the day. You've exhibited a pattern of going early in the morning. Tell me why you didn't go to the morning class?" Marie asked, looking over at Layne._

_Layne sat there, a frown on his face, slowly turning his head and looking at her. He shook his head as he looked forward again._

_"You people keep tabs on everything around here, don't you." Layne frowned. "I just didn't feel like going in the morning."_

_"What did you do around that time instead of go to yoga?" She pressed._

_Layne hesitated._

_"I was in my room." He muttered._

_"Speak up Layne. I didn't catch that." Marie replied._

_"I was in my room. I was laying in my bed. I just didn't feel like going." Layne frowned._

_"Tell me why." She pressed._

_"Because. Because this is all a waste of my fucking time!" Layne snapped, irritated._

_"Layne you're free to walk out at anytime. No one's holding you here against your will." Marie pointed out._

_"I know." Layne sighed, tilting his head back against the cushions of the couch._

_"Well if you feel that way, why haven't you left?" She asked._

_"I don't fucking know. Because." Layne replied, lump in his throat, tears forming in his eyes._

_"Let's go over your goals again. It's normal to have these doubts. Let's see...so you've gotten over your withdrawals...and we took you off of the medication...you've started to open up about your family problems and I've been helping you cope with that. By the way, have you spoken to your mother or sister lately?" She asked._

_Layne hesitated, sniffling._

_"No." He said softly._

_"Layne...why haven't you called them? Family is a very crucial step in the healing process." She began._

_"Well it's not like any of 'em have tried to contact me! Why should I have to always contact them? I'm the one in here sick!" Layne frowned._

_"Communication is a two way street Layne." Marie began._

_"Yeah. Sure. You know what. I'm not gonna make it. I've already told you I'm not gonna make it through this." Layne said, voice shaking._

_"Why do you keep saying that Layne?" Marie asked._

_"Because...I can't take this pain...the pain of being a human. I'm so sick of all this fucking pain." Layne's voice cracked and he put his hands over his face, shoulders shaking as he cried._

_"Is this a physical pain, or an emotional pain?" She asked._

_"It feels like both." Layne frowned._

_"Tell me what you've been telling me Layne. Why did you come to rehab? What do you want to accomplish?" Marie asked._

_Layne was frustrated. Tears poured down his face._

_"I don't know. The plan's fucking changed. It ain't gonna work. Sure I'll get through this program...but I'm gonna be alone again...and I know I'll end up right back to the start." Layne frowned._

_"Would this have anything to do with this girlfriend you've mentioned to me before?" Marie asked._

_Layne was a ticking time bomb, once his therapist said that, the tears started to fall and his chest started to heave._

_"Yeah it's got to do with her. She hates me. And I don't know what the fuck I did. All I did was love her. She hates herself and she doesn't think she's good enough to be with me, and I hate that. She's pushed herself away from me. Now I have no reason to get better." Layne sobbed._

_Marie was silent as she jotted things down on her clipboard._

_"Layne, you're here for yourself though, correct? You're here to do this for yourself, not for her."_

_"Everything I did was for her. If it wasn't for her I would have been outta here after the 2nd month." Layne frowned and sniffled._

_"And how does that make you feel? The fact that she's pushed you away?" Marie asked._

_Layne pursed his lips as he sat there, breaths coming out shakily._

_"It makes me feel sad. It hurts. It makes me wanna give up. I love her." Layne mumbled._

_"Well Layne, if she doesn't want to be a part of your healing, you'll have to find the strength in yourself to move on. You have to be willing to do this for yourself, not other people. You mentioned you wanted to pursue art as a career after this. Perhaps you should make that your new goal Layne. Your family will be happy to see you when you've gotten out. They'll be proud to know that you didn't let the drugs win." Marie rambled on._

_Layne sat there as she began to lecture him. He wasn't listening much after that. His therapist didn't understand. She didn't understand how much Jussi had meant to him._

_He felt isolated and alone again, back in that same frame of mind he was in at the start.  
_

Layne sighed as he continued to pick at his food. He wasn't hungry very much lately. His therapist was right. Why was he even still here? What was the point of anything anymore? He was alone. He should just walk out.

But something was holding him back. He wasn't sure what. Either way he knew he would revert back to his old ways. Layne would probably get an earfull from this woman during his next appointment since he had missed all activities during the week. 

Layne sighed and hovered over his food, his mind racing. Suddenly as he was sitting there, he felt a presence near him.

Layne glanced up, a frown on his face. His eyes widened for a split second and he frowned again as he looked down. He stared at his food as she stood there.

It was her. It was Jussi. His chest pooled with warmth at her presence. The past few days felt like years since he hadn't seen her. He wasn't sure what was going on. He wasn't sure if she had left, but she was still here.

Layne was so confused about everything.

"What do _you_ want?" He asked, frowning, not looking at her.

"Can I sit here?" Jussi asked softly, biting her lip.

"I don't care where you sit." Layne spat coldly.

Jussi bit her lip, putting her hair behind her ears as she sat down slowly, looking at the table.

They sat there silent for a moment. Layne just stared at his food, not eating, a pissed off look on his face. Jussi glanced over at him, sighing at the expression on his face.

"Layne...I'm sorry..." Jussi began.

Layne glanced up at her. He was feeling pissed at her at the moment. He hadn't seen her in a few days and all of a sudden she sees him and comes up to him wanting to talk. After the way she had acted on the beach, like she didn't want to fucking see him again. Layne frowned, shaking his head.

He stood up, pushing his plate away from the edge of the table.

"Yeah, sure you are. I don't even want to fucking hear it." Layne spat.

He just felt the insatiable need to be mean to her. He wanted to see her hurt like he had hurt her.

"But Layne...I mean it..." Jussi said softly, looking at him, eyes tearing up.

"I'm not in the mood to fucking talk right now. Just fuck off!" Layne spat, shoving his hands in his pockets before walking off.

"Layne! Layne! C'mon! Layne!" Jussi called after him, turned in her chair, watching as he stormed off.

She sighed, rubbing her face, tears forming. She peeked through her fingers at the plate of food he had left on the table. She looked around and grabbed it and started to eat it.

She sniffled. She was hungry as hell. She hadn't ate anything in the past two days. Her money had ran out. She got lucky and found a 20 dollar bill in one of her pants pockets, and that lasted a few days.

She ate the food and then sat there, her face in her hands, her hair hanging over her face, shielding her face. She felt so fucked up. She had nothing and now she was crawling to Layne. She needed Layne. She had pushed Layne away and now she was crawling back, and he had reacted exactly as she had expected.

She didn't blame him. She loved him but she felt like she just couldn't be with him. Her bill was going to be due the next day. She would have to leave and she wouldn't see him anymore. She didn't want to leave him on bad terms. He was one of the nicest guys she had ever met. He was really good to her. He was _too_ good to her. She didn't deserve it.

She hated her life. She just wanted to die. The world would be a better place without her. She was tired of living like this, with nothing. She honestly couldn't wait to get out there and get something to ease the pain.

Meanwhile, Layne made his way to his room. He slammed the door shut, locked it and sat on his bed, putting his face in his hands. She was so fucking beautiful. He hadn't seen her in days and he wanted to smile and fucking hug her and tell her she was pretty but his anger had taken him over. He figured it was definitely over now. He had walked away from her. She had apologized and he hadn't accepted it. He just walked away.

Layne was so fucking tired. He couldn't get high so the next best thing was sleep. He was so exhausted from all the drama with her and the worrying and the anger. He got more comfortable and got under the covers of his bed. He laid there, mind racing. He stared into space. Eventually, he finally fell asleep.

* * *

Layne started stirring in his bed. He had no idea what time it was. He felt like he had been sleeping for a long time. He turned around in bed, eyes still closed, sighing. Just as he was getting comfortable again, he heard a loud knock on his door. His eyes fluttered open and he yawned. His room was dark, with the exception of the setting sun peeking through the blinds of his window. He sighed, rolling over on his back and throwing his arm over his face.

He lay there for a few seconds and he heard the knock again. He sighed, rolling over again and looking at the clock. It was late in the evening. He had slept a good while. Now he would probably be up all night. He sighed, sitting up slowly and turning his lamp on. He ran a hand through his messy curls which had grown back over the months. 

He jumped when he heard the knock again. He frowned, looking over at the door. He stood up and stretched, scratching his stomach as he made his way over to the door and looked out the peephole. 

He furrowed his brows as he stepped back, scratching his head. It was Jussi again. Layne stood there, processing this. He was debating with himself whether he should let her in. He had been so angry at her.

He sighed, putting his hand on the door knob. He loved her though. He wanted to touch her, to smell her. He wanted to be happy. She had come back, that must mean something. He had walked away from her when she apologized, and she still came back. It had to mean something. 

As he was thinking, he jumped again when he heard the knock again. He heard her voice.

"Layne...please let me in...I know you're in there. Open the door..."

Layne nearly melted at the sound of her voice. He wasn't feeling angry anymore. He unlocked the door and opened it, looking at her, a half hearted smile plastered on his face. His chest burned when he looked at her. She looked really tired. Her eyes were puffy like she had been crying.

"...Hey." Layne said softly.

"Hey. Can I come in?" Jussi asked softly, sniffling.

Layne nodded slowly, moving aside so she could step into his room. He closed the door slowly and locked it. They stood there before each other, both people staring at the ground. After a few minutes of silence, they both tried to speak at the same time. 

Layne smirked, biting his lip.

"You first..." Jussi said softly.

"No...you first." Layne smiled.

"I'm sorry Layne. I'm sorry for the way I acted." Jussi said softly.

"I know...I know. I'm sorry I walked away from you earlier today." Layne replied softly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for...I'm the one who fucked up." Jussi sighed, looking down.

"I just don't understand where all that came from Justine. I fucking love you." Layne said breathlessly, stepping closer to her.

Justine continued to look down, tears forming in her eyes. 

"Hey..." Layne said softly, lifting her chin up so their eyes could meet.

Layne squinted his eyes slowly as he stared at her tear stricken eyes.

"I love you." Layne said again, sighing and leaning in.

Their lips met softly. Layne kissed her and pulled away, licking his lips. He smiled, feeling a warmth all over his body. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him.

"I love you too Layne. I'm sorry." Jussi sniffled, hugging him.

Layne smiled as they stood there, embracing.

"Babe don't keep apologizing. You're back now and that's all that matters. Fuck I was so worried about you these past few days. I didn't know if you had left or what. I fucking hated everyday not knowing where you were or if you were safe." Layne sighed, feeling his eyes tear up himself as he hugged her.

"Layne..." Jussi sighed.

"I fucking love you more than I love myself. I fucking need you. I'm so glad you came back. Fuck...you're my heart Justine." Layne nearly whispered, taking her hand and putting it over his chest.

"Layne..." Jussi tried again.

Before she could speak any further, Layne pressed his lips to hers again, kissing her hungrily. His hands fell to her ass as they kissed passionately, squeezing. Jussi moaned into their kiss, wrapping her arms around Layne's shoulders.

Layne pulled away for a second to gasp for air.

"I need you." Layne breathed before pressing his lips to hers again.

He pulled away and Jussi looked at Layne, feeling her whole body tingling. She couldn't resist him. He took her hand and they went over to the bed. Layne undressed and laid on the bed, looking at her seductively.

"C'mon babe...take your clothes off." He smiled softly.

Jussi smiled, biting her lip as she slowly undressed down to her panties. Layne stared at her hips, licking his lips and he looked back up at her, slapping his thighs. 

Jussi smiled shyly, putting her hair behind her ears and biting her lips, straddling Layne. Layne ran his hands up and down her hips as she leaned down, kissing him again. 

She moved to his neck, sucking on his flesh as he continued to caress her hips.

"Fuck babe...I missed you. You're so beautiful...you make me so happy." Layne sighed as Jussi continued to suck on his neck, leaving a hickey in its wake.

"I missed you too." Jussi breathed, whipping her hair to the side as she kissed Layne's cheek and then his lips. 

She laid beside him, chest rising and falling, looking at him. Layne slid closer to her, tangling his legs in hers, arm wrapped around her. Their chests were nearly pressed together. His chest burned where her breasts touched it. Layne pressed his forehead against hers, kissing her softly.

"Justine. I never want you to feel like you aren't good enough to love me...you are babe. You're perfect to me. We fit so good together...we're good together. I feel it with everything I am. I was destined to be with you. I met you for a reason babe...I was contemplating leaving...and giving up, because I wasn't sure if you were still here. I don't wanna do this without you. I need you with me through this. I'm doing this for you...so we can be together..." Layne replied, voice shaking as he held onto her tight.

"Layne..." Jussi said softly, feeling a lump forming in her throat. "You're so sweet." 

"You're such a good person. I'm gonna help you realize that. You do matter. You matter to me. I wanna see you get better. Justine, I'm so in love with you. I wanna fucking marry you. I wanna marry you when we get outta here. As soon as fucking possible. We'll start a new, drug free life together. We'll build a new life together. We'll have a nice house, a nice life. I'll fucking take care of you. I'll give you anything you fucking want. Anything to make you happy. Maybe we can adopt some kids or something...have a family. I know we probably won't be able to have any of our own because of all this drug use...but we can adopt. I want a fucking life with you. I can't fucking live without you Justine. Do you wanna marry me? Marry me babe...say you'll marry me..." Layne sighed, nuzzling his nose against hers.

Jussi didn't answer. She started sobbing lightly. 

"Babe?" Layne asked, smile fading.

Jussi pulled away from Layne, turning around in the bed not facing him. Layne felt his own eyes tearing up. He had just poured his heart to her and she hadn't said anything.

"Justine, tell me what's wrong...I don't fucking understand. I fucking love you so much...why can't you love me back? How come you push me away every time I fucking open up to you? I don't understand!" Layne sniffled, hot tears pouring down his face as he slid closer to her, wrapping his arms around her stomach, holding her tight.

He sniffed her hair and sighed, nuzzling his face into the back of her head. Her smell, her skin, he loved every fucking inch of her and she was always acting reluctant.

"I wish I could marry you...but I can't..." Jussi mumbled, sobbing and putting her hand over her face.

Layne felt like a knife was stabbing through his chest at her words.

"What? Why?" Layne asked, sniffling, chest heaving as he held onto her tightly.

"Because I'd be a lousy wife. You'd be taking on alot if you married me...I don't want to put all of my problems on you." Jussi sniffled, closing her eyes tight as the tears fell down her cheeks.

"What problems? Jussi, why can't you just trust me and open up to me? What's going on? I don't fucking understand." Layne sighed, rubbing her stomach.

Jussi turned around in Layne's arms, looking up at him with tear stricken eyes.

"Layne I'm going to have to leave tomorrow. I probably won't ever see you again." Jussi sniffled, closing her eyes tight. "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna get right back into drugs and I'm gonna die." Jussi cried.

"No! Fuck no! I won't let you go! You're not going, Justine just fucking snap out of it! You're gonna get better. I'm fucking here for you! You're not going anywhere!" Layne exclaimed, running his hand through her hair as he hovered over her.

"I can't afford my payments Layne. I don't have any money. Layne I'm fucking broke. I have nothing to my name. I'm gonna get kicked out anyway because I can't afford my payments anymore!" Jussi exclaimed all in one breath.

Layne furrowed his brows, backing away as she sat up in bed, her hands over her face as she sobbed. Layne sat there, processing what she just said. He sniffled and rubbed her back as she sobbed.

"I've always lived paycheck to paycheck Layne. I've never had any money. It always got gone as fast as I got it...I had a bunch of money from my mom's life insurance when she died...but the bank took most of it to pay this stupid loan I got to be able to come here..." Jussi sobbed.

"...You got a loan?" Layne asked softly, still rubbing her back.

"Yeah and I think I was bullshitted...they started garnishing my account and now I don't have any more money and they are still sending me letters and I don't understand half the shit they are saying in the fucking letters! I paid up to 7 months worth of dues here...and my 7 months are up tomorrow and another payment is due...and I'm far from fucking ready to be out of here. I wanted to get a fucking therapist...but I just can't afford it. I have no money. Not a fucking dime to my name!" Jussi cried.

Layne felt a weight on his chest as he sat there.

"I don't want you to have to go." Layne said softly. "I'm fucking coming with you. If you leave, I leave.

"No...No Layne don't fucking leave for me. I'm a fucking loser. I can't do anything right. I'm just a burden. I don't want to burden you..." Jussi sobbed.

"You're not a fucking burden on me! Justine...I'll fucking help you! I'll pay off everything. I have a lot of money babe...I'll fucking pay off everything. If you wanna stay I'll pay for you...if you wanna go...we'll go...babe...you're making this fucking complicated...I'll help you! I'll do anything to be with you!" Layne said desperately, wrapping his arms around her.

"But that's just it Layne...I don't want to feel like I'm using you for your money." She sniffled, closing her eyes as her chest heaved and tears fell down her cheeks.

"I'd _never_ fucking think that about you. I fucking love you and I know you fucking love me too. Justine, it's gonna be okay. You don't have to fucking go through this shit alone. You made a mistake it sounds getting that loan...I'll help you babe. You show me these letter's they've sent you and I can help you figure out what you agreed to. That's why I hired a fuckin' accountant to handle my money. I don't trust the greedy fucking bankers and shit. I'm so sorry this shit happened to you...to have that fucking shit over your head on top of trying to get better...fuck babe...I wanna help you, let me help you..." Layne sighed, kissing her cheek.

"I'm scared..." Jussi whispered as their faces lingered close.

"Don't be. It'll be okay. Just trust me. Trust someone for once in your life babe. I fucking love you and I care about you and I only want to see you succeed. Let me help you. We'll go down there to the payment office and sort this shit out. I'll help you sort your loan shit out as well. I'll call my accountant and have him look at your account and sort it out..." Layne sniffled, kissing her cheek between sentences.

"But I borrowed alot of money Layne. I borrowed 10,000 dollars..." Jussi sniffled, still hesitant to Layne's offer.

"Babe...that's fucking chump change to me. I told you I was a rockstar. That's nothing. That won't hurt my bank account at all. I can pay that off with one of my CD's I have at the bank. I have multiple savings accounts...I can help you, take that worry off of your shoulder. You just need to focus on getting better babe." Layne sighed, kissing her lips.

"But how could I ever repay you?" Jussi sighed, sniffling.

"How can you repay me?" Layne asked, sliding down and laying down on his side.

Jussi sniffled, sliding down and laying down on her back, looking at Layne. Layne smiled warmly at her, rubbing her bare stomach.

"You can repay me by being my wife...by just fucking being with me. By letting me take care of you babe..." Layne said softly.

He snaked his hand inside of her panties, stroking her clit slowly as he continued to talk. Jussi gasped, mouth forming an o, and arching her back at Layne's touch. She looked up at him as he talked, biting her lip and shifting slightly.

"By letting me help you better yourself, by fucking loving me...do you love me Justine?" Layne asked softly as he stroked her through her panties.

"Yes...Yes I love you." Jussi sighed, bucking her hips lightly into Layne's touch.

She had missed his touch.

"Will you marry me?" Layne asked softly, looking into her eyes as he pulled his fingers out of her panties, sliding his fingers in his mouth and tasting her juices.

"Yes. I'll marry you Layne." Jussi sighed and smiled, feeling tears forming in her eyes.

She was still feeling guilty and unsure but she wanted to be with Layne. She didn't really want to leave.

"Babe you need to trust me. I wish you would have told me all of this sooner instead of keeping it in...from the first time we fucked...I knew I never wanted to be apart from you...these past few days were fucking hell without you...I've always told you, don't be afraid to talk to me. I love you and I care about you...do you promise babe? Do you promise you won't ever keep any thing else from me?" Layne asked, leaning down and kissing her softly.

"I promise." Jussi said softly when Layne pulled away.

"I wish we could get married right now...I want you to be Mrs. Staley as soon as possible. Fuck I love you..." Layne said softly as he started to kiss her neck, snaking a hand up and squeezing her breast.

Jussi sighed, tilting her head and wrapping her arms around Layne as he got on top of her as and kissed her neck. Layne moved down her body, placing kisses all over her skin. He grabbed both of her breasts with both his hands, moving back and forth from her nipples, sucking on them and tugging with his teeth.

"You're so beautiful..." He whispered as he finished with her tits, kissing down her stomach and moving down.

"Layne...I love you..." Jussi breathed, feeling her whole body becoming hot with desire as Layne continued to kiss further down.

"Lift your legs babe..." Layne said softly as he moved to the foot of the bed.

Jussi sighed, lifting her legs in the air, holding her thighs up with her hands. She looked down as Layne stared at her panty covered pussy between her legs.

"Fuck babe. Look at you...you're so hot...god you're always so wet and that drives me so fucking crazy..." Layne barely breathed as he stared at her panties, a prominent wet spot on them.

Jussi moaned and pursed her lips as Layne lightly rubbed up and down her thighs with his fingers.

"Look at you babe. You're fucking beautiful. God your body's perfect..." Layne whispered, finally leaning forward.

He smirked and looked up at her as he pressed his tongue against the wet spot on her panties. Jussi arched her back and moaned.

Layne sucked on her pantied clit, laughing against her as she bit her lip, shifting slightly.

"That feels so good..." Jussi breathed, closing her eyes.

Layne smiled as he slowly pulled her panties to the side as she continued to hold her legs in the air, her pretty pink and moist vagina exposed to him. Layne nearly shivered at the heat and the smell that seemed to radiate off of her most intimate parts.

He wasted no time in leaning in and running his tongue up and down her labia. His eyes nearly rolled in the back of his head as he stuck his tongue in and out of her vaginal opening.

Jussi sighed, biting her lip.

"MMM..." Layne smiled, before nuzzling his mouth into her pussy, sucking her clit into his mouth.

He looked up at her as he pressed his face between her moist lips, sucking her clit. He pulled off, spitting on her already moist parts, licking up and down every crevice and sucking her clit again.

"Layne...you fucking tease..." Jussi breathed, moaning lightly.

"Move against my mouth..." Layne breathed quickly before reattaching his mouth around her clit again.

Layne wrapped his arms around her thighs, while Jussi still held them up as she started to thrust against Layne's mouth, her tits bouncing from the force.

She started to moan as she felt the heat coursing through her entire body as Layne continued to tease her sensitive bud. He sighed and moaned as he moved his head up and down at the same time she pushed her hips towards his face.

Jussi started to moan lightly, arching her back, biting her finger lightly as she felt the familiar pulses of pleasure radiate throughout her groin.

It wasn't long before she came, nearly shoving her pussy against Layne's face. Layne smiled, nuzzling his face into her moist pink parts as he felt her squirm around and shake. He pulled away, a big smile on his face, licking up her juices.

"You taste so fucking good." Layne said softly as he lapped her up.

She dropped her legs as Layne moved back up her body, his erection pressing against the inside of her thigh as he leaned down and kissed her passionately. Both people moaned into their messy, heated kiss. Layne pulled away, nearly shaking with desire as he quickly moved back down her body, nearly ripping her panties off, tugging them off of her feet and throwing them across the room. He moved back up her body and she spread her legs, ready for him.

Layne held his cock as he positioned it at her opening, pushing himself into her moist vaginal opening and at the same time, leaning back down and kissing her again as he started to ravage her.

Jussi wrapped her legs around Layne's waist as he pushed up into her. Layne moved his lips to her neck, his face buried in her neck as he kissed her flesh and fucked her. Jussi had her arms wrapped around Layne, her fingernails clawing into his back.

"I love you so fucking much..." Layne whispered in her ear as he fucked her, his body pressed against her.

He could feel her breasts pressed against his chest. Layne continued to thrust inside of her, moaning every now and then. After a few minutes, he pulled out, chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Babe...on your knees, please..." Layne begged softly.

Jussi sighed, getting up and adjusting the pillows, getting on her knees, her ass in the air. She whipped her hair to one side, flinching when she felt Layne's tongue come into contact with her anus. She smiled as she listened to him nearly whimper as he fervently licked her crevice, before quickly getting on his knees and crawling forward, rubbing the tip of his cock against her opening and pushing in, holding onto her hips as he started to thrust inside of her again.

"Oh my...fuck..." Layne muttered, brows furrowed, eyes closed as he thrusted forward inside of her, picking up where he left off.

Jussi bit her lip, writhing a bit as Layne thrusted inside of her at a fast pace, the sound of Layne pushing into her moist hole filling the room along with their deep breaths and Layne's light moaning.

Layne groaned as he started to fuck her hard, holding onto her hips tightly. He had her nearly against the headboard as he reached his peak.

He moaned loudly, his thrusts slowing and he jerked into her a few times, shaking and moaning loudly as he came hard, deep inside of her.

Just as quickly as it begun, it was over. Layne pulled out of her after the fact, out of breath. He collapsed on the bed beside her in a heap as she moved around, fixing the pillows to lay down. She faced him, smiling lazily at him.

Layne was breathing hard, chest rising and falling, smiling at her.

"That was...intense...." He said between breathes.

Jussi smiled, reaching over and tangling her fingers in his chest hair. Layne smirked, putting his hand over her hand as he stared at her.

Jussi stared at Layne, a huge smile on her face. She slid closer and pressed her lips to his, kissing him softly. He was still catching his breath as they slowly and sensually pressed their lips together. Once they stopped she kept her forehead pressed against his. He held her hand between them.

"I can't fucking believe I'm getting married. I never fucking thought...I never thought I'd ever meet anyone else in my life...that means as much as you mean to me babe...I mean...I only came to rehab because my sister was so upset...I didn't think I was going to make it...but I'm going to fucking make it. And you are too. I'll make sure of it. I'll take care of everything so you won't have a worry in the world. You aren't going anywhere. You're staying here with me...and we'll get out together, get married, and get us a place together. I'm selling my condo...I don't want to live there anymore. I want to live somewhere where we can be alone, where no one will bother us. I just want a nice and quiet life with you. I've had enough of the rock star thing." Layne said between kisses as they continued to keep their foreheads pressed together.

"I want that too. I want it too Layne. I want to finally have a fucking life, a normal fucking life..." Jussi replied, feeling her eyes tearing up.

"Stick with me, and I'll give you a normal life." Layne chuckled softly.

"I am..I will..." Jussi sighed, cuddling into Layne.

They lay there for a while, whispering sweet nothings to one another. Eventually, Layne fell asleep. Jussi moved back and watched Layne sleep. She sighed and smiled.

She was still feeling uncertain about things, but she knew one thing that was for sure. She fucking loved Layne. She thought he wouldn't want to deal with her anymore once the truth about her situation came out.

Layne was so kind. He was too kind. She still felt like she didn't deserve this. She was still processing that he wanted to marry her. It would be weird to be in a stable relationship and be married. It would be weird to wear a ring. 

Jussi suddenly felt so safe against Layne. She suddenly felt like everything was going to be okay. This man had continually professed his undying love for her, maybe it was time to start trusting him. Maybe it was time to start trusting someone. She was scared of what the future would hold.

Maybe for once in her life, things would turn out right. She sighed, cuddling up against her fiancee, closing her eyes to get some sleep.


	8. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Babe? What's going on?" Jussi whispered loudly up at Layne.
> 
> Layne looked around, glaring at people who were still staring at him.
> 
> He leaned down, whispering in Jussi's ear.
> 
> "Babe apparently I have a visitor. I'm thinking it may be my mom or something...I don't know what's going on. It sounds serious...I gotta go...take my mat back to your room after this." Layne whispered.

Jussi's heart rate was fast as she and Layne sat in the waiting area of the Billing Department of the rehab. Layne held her hand as they sat there silently. He bounced his knee up and down fast as he waited impatiently.

Justine bit her lip as she looked around and then back at Layne. That bright, child like look had returned to Layne's face ever since they had made up the previous night.

Jussi squeezed Layne's hand lightly. She was nervous about this. What if the Billing person realized they were both attending the facility? What if she wouldn't let Layne pay for her stay? She didn't want Layne to have to leave because of her. What if they relapsed together?

Layne looked over at her and smiled warmly, bringing her hand up to his mouth and kissing it. Jussi blushed and smiled back at him. It wasn't long that they were sitting there when the door to the office opened and the business woman called Jussi's name.

They went into the office and the woman shook both of their hands and sat down. They both sat down in the chairs that were in front of her desk.

"What can I do for you today Ms. Warren?" The woman asked.

Justine looked down, putting her hair behind her ears.

"Um...I think my payment is due today...I had paid for several months...and I think it ends today and I need to pay again." Jussi mumbled.

She hated dealing with this business type shit. She always felt like an idiot in the presence of smarter people. 

"Okay...let's just check your information..." The woman muttered.

As she typed away on her computer and asked Justine for various information to find her information in the rehab database, Jussi glanced over at Layne and Layne smiled at her, sticking his tongue out at her and wiggling it.

Jussi blushed and put her hand to her mouth, giggling lightly. The billing lady glanced up at them and Jussi cleared her throat, looking down, smile fading.

"Okay...let's see...I do believe you are right Ms. Warren...you have a payment due today. So are you wanting to change anything...or..." She replied, trailing off, shaking her head.

Jussi opened her mouth to speak but Layne spoke up.

"Actually. Yes. I'm going to be paying for the rest of her treatment...and she would like an upgrade to one of the luxury suites please." Layne replied quickly and sternly.

He sat up straight in his chair and tugged on his shirt. The woman eyed Layne oddly for a moment and confirmed.

"So you want the payments for her stay to be automatically taken out of your account?" She asked.

Layne nodded. 

"Yes. Yes I do. I'm going to have to call my accountant to confirm this. So is there any kind of paperwork we need to fill out?" Layne asked.

Jussi pursed her lips as she watched Layne handle business. He knew so much about this stuff. She was new at this. Layne conversed with the woman and the next thing they knew, she was handing over paperwork.

Layne leaned towards Jussi as they filled it out. Layne had his wallet on his lap and a few important cards out with important account numbers on them. He explained to Jussi each section as he was filling it out so she could understand.

Jussi didn't get all of it but she trusted Layne. She signed where she was supposed to sign and watched as Layne filled it out and handed it in. He put everything back in his wallet and then asked to use the woman's phone on her desk.

Jussi sat there quietly as the woman started entering information in the computer and Layne called his accountant. Layne sounded as if he was stern and to the point when he was discussing this with his accountant. 

After a few minutes, Layne finally got off of the phone and they sat there as the lady processed the information. They were in the woman's office nearly an hour and 30 minutes and the next thing they know they were told to meet up with one of the rehab coordinators to get a new room for Jussi. 

They spent nearly all morning walking around and getting Jussi's rehab upgrade set up. They also took the time to set her up with a therapist, something she drastically needed. Jussi couldn't believe how things were seeming to fall in place.

She felt like she was even more in love with Layne as things got done. She felt like he was taking care of her and she fucking loved it.

It didn't take long to move all of the stuff she had in her room across the rehab to the luxury suites. Her room was on the floor above the floor Layne's room was on. 

They sat in Jussi's new room when everything was all said and done. Her first therapy appointment would be the following day.

Jussi looked around her new room at the bed, her own personal bathroom and shower, a television, a phone. She felt like she was in a castle. Layne smiled as he watched her looking around her room.

"This is so exciting...you're only a floor above me...we can sneak into each other's rooms without having to dodge security guards...tonight I'm staying with you babe." Layne smiled.

Jussi could not wipe the big grin off of her face as she sat on her new bed beside Layne. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips to his.

"I don't know how I could ever repay you for this babe...thank you so much. I swear I appreciate everything you're doing for me..." Jussi sighed and smiled.

"You're already repaying me...fiance...fuck I wish I had a ring to give you.." Layne sighed.

"It's okay. We'll get there eventually." Jussi smiled, kissing Layne's cheek.

After that, Layne asked Jussi about the letters from the bank that she had received. Jussi fished through one of her bags and found the small stack, handing it to Layne.

Jussi watched silently as Layne began to open the letters and go through them, reading them. She bit her lip, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Babe...this loan is from a bank...and it looks to me like you were supposed to start paying this back immediately. Have you paid anything back on this loan at all?" Layne asked softly.

"No..." Jussi said, feeling ashamed. "I was going to wait until I got out of rehab...I figured I'd get clean and find a job and then start paying it back." Jussi sighed.

"Babe...when you get a loan from a bank like this they expect you to start making payments not soon after you get it...I bet this thing has a hefty interest charge. Listen...I'm going to call my accountant...we're going to get this thing straight within the next few days. I might have to have him come out here or something. You may have to sign some papers giving the bank consent to take the money out of one of my accounts to pay this off. Babe I'll get you outta this...but you'll never need to get one of these shitty loans again." Layne said softly, looking at her.

Jussi blushed, looking down, a sad look on her face. Layne grabbed her chin lightly, lifting her face up. Jussi's eyes were pooling with tears. She felt stupid and embarrassed about the whole situation with the loan.

"Hey...don't feel bad Jussi. Everyone makes mistakes...it's okay..." Layne said softly.

"I know...but I just feel so bad with you having to get me out of all of this...I just feel like the biggest fucking burden on you..." Jussi sniffled, voice quivering. 

She put her hand to her forehead as she sobbed lightly. Layne sighed, putting the loan papers down and embraced her, kissing her cheek.

"Hey...hey babe...calm down...I'm doing this because I love you. Relax. How many times do I have to tell you? You don't owe me anything. Calm down...everything's gonna be alright." Layne said softly.

Jussi sniffled, hugging him back. Layne handed her a tissue and then picked up her phone to call his accountant and discuss the details of paying the loan off for her. While Layne was on the phone, Jussi wandered around her new room, looking at every inch of it. She had never stayed in such a nice place.

She actually felt normal for once.

* * *

Eventually, Jussi's debt was wiped clean by Layne. Jussi began to get some of her issues about her life sorted out with her therapist. Now that Jussi's issues had been aired out...she and Layne could move forward in both of their treatments together. Layne felt an overwhelming need to help Justine. He knew he was going to get better. As long as he had her, he was going to beat this thing. As long as he could be with her, he wouldn't need drugs. 

* * *

_Jussi-10 Months, Layne-11 Months_

Layne stirred in Jussi's bed. They would take turns staying in each other's rooms since they couldn't stay in a room together. Layne heard a toilet flush and a door open. He just lay there with his eyes closed, listening to the sounds around him. He was still half asleep.

He turned over on his side not facing Jussi when he felt the bed move as she crawled on it. He felt her pull the blanket down off of his torso. He frowned and whined lightly, pulling the blanket back over him.

"Layne...get up lazy butt..." Jussi giggled softly as she pulled the blanket back off of him.

"No..." Layne said softly, nuzzling his face into his pillow.

"Yes babe..." Jussi smiled, biting her lip and running her hand up and down Layne's torso.

Layne sighed, still laying there as he enjoyed her touch. Jussi looked down at Layne and smiled.

Everyday felt like a dream for her. She had never felt so happy in her life. Some days she had to remind herself that this wasn't a dream. She couldn't believe something in her life was going right. She couldn't believe that someone actually gave a fuck about her. 

Jussi smiled and pinched Layne's side. Layne flinched and jumped, turning around on his back and looking up at her with sleepy eyes.

"Okay! I'm up!" He smiled, blinking and rubbing his eyes, yawning.

"You're getting kind of fat." Jussi smirked, pinching Layne's stomach.

Layne flinched and grabbed her wrist.

"Stop babe! That tickles!" Layne laughed lightly.

"All you do is eat." Jussi giggled.

"Yeah, and fuck you." Layne smirked.

"MMM HMM..." Jussi smirked, leaning down and kissing him.

She pulled away, smirking at him.

"We need to grab a bite to eat before we go to yoga babe..." Jussi smiled.

Layne sighed and smiled. "Alright..."

He sat up in bed, scratching his scalp, his curls in disarray. He looked over at Jussi, brows furrowed slightly through his smile.

"Hey...is that my shirt? Babe!" Layne whined.

"Oh shut up Layne. It's kind of comfortable..." Jussi smiled as she got up, going through her bags for some leggings.

"Wait...are you gonna wear my shirt today?" Layne asked as she pulled on some leggings up under Layne's band t shirt.

"Yep." Jussi replied carelessly as she walked back into the bathroom, combing her hair and putting it up.

Layne bit his lip and shook his head. He sighed as he got up and took his shower. 

Layne found himself constantly thinking about the future with Jussi. He couldn't wait to get out of this place and start his life with her. They were going to have a nice, quiet and private life. 

Things were going to be different for Layne this time around. He wanted to help Jussi better herself and he would be an artist or something. They'd move away from Seattle. 

He only showered for 10 minutes and came out, dried off and sifted through his clothes that he already had in her room, putting on a shirt and his underwear. He bit his lip as he looked over his shoulder at her.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, head tilted as she watched the TV in her room, some random infomercial on about steak knives.

He walked over to her bags of clothes and started going through them, a shit eating smirk plastered on his face.

Finally, Jussi noticed and looked over at Layne kneeled down on the floor in front of her stuff with furrowed brows.

"Layne, what the fuck are you doing?" She asked.

"Looking for something to wear." Layne smirked, looking back over at her.

"What? You're fucking silly. You can't fit in any of my clothes!" Jussi giggled, her full attention on him.

"I bet you I can!" Layne smirked as he sifted through her bag. "You're wearing my shirt, so I'm going to wear something of yours." Layne smiled.

Layne looked through her bag until an interesting pattern caught his eye.

He pulled out black leggings with white star designs all on them.

"Oooh. These look cool..." Layne smirked, standing up and holding them up against himself.

"Layne..." Jussi pouted.

Layne ignored her as he began to stick his foot through one of the legs of the leggings, and then his other, gently pulling the tight fabric over his legs.

"Layne! You're gonna stretch them! You're legs are too long!" Jussi pouted.

"So. They fit...just gotta pull 'em up a bit!" Layne smiled, pulling layers of legging up his legs until the waistband was just below his belly button.

His shirt was long enough to cover his crotch and his ass. He squatted a few times, making sure the fabric was pliable.

"Why the fuck do you have these things anyway?" Layne laughed lightly as he sat on the bed beside Jussi, getting ready to put his shoes on.

Jussi looked at Layne with furrowed brows, a smirk on her face.

"I don't know, it may have been part of my stripper wardrobe or something. I use to be so strung out I don't remember half the shit that I did." Jussi smirked.

"Oh...well you have to admit, they look really good on me." Layne smirked, sticking his tongue out and raising his eyebrows.

Jussi couldn't help but break out into a fit of giggles.

"You are _so_ not going out today wearing those!" She laughed.

"Watch me." Layne smirked. "I don't give a fuck what no one thinks." 

"Oh my god...Layne I can't believe you're going to wear those today!" Jussi giggled.

Layne smirked.

"I need to show you pictures of what I looked like in high school and during the first album my old band put out...you think this is crazy...I've dressed more crazy than this!" Layne smiled.

"I can't wait to see them!" Jussi smiled.

"I can't wait to show them to you." Layne said softly, leaning in and kissing her softly, pulling away and moving to kiss her cheek, and move down to her neck.

Jussi smiled and sighed, biting her lip and lightly pushing Layne off.

"Stop Layne! Not right now! We gotta go eat and go to our activities! We do this right now...and I don't think you want to walk around in a boner all day with those leggings on babe..." Jussi smiled.

Layne pouted at her, licking his lips.

"You're right...sometimes I just can't resist you..." Layne smiled softly at her, looking into her eyes.

"Sometimes? Don't you mean all the time?" Jussi smirked, standing up.

Layne stood up too and stretched.

"Finally, I got a good drug that I can be addicted to..." Layne smiled, putting his arm around her waist, still smiling.

"Oh my god Layne, shut up!" Jussi smiled. "We need to go! We're not gonna be able to eat before yoga!" Jussi smiled as she gathered her bag, putting her keys in it.

They left out of her room, her locking the door behind her.

"Jussi please don't eat any eggs today...yesterday at yoga you were stinking up the place!" Layne giggled as they walked down the hall hand in hand.

"But I need my protein!" Jussi smirked.

"But I need my eyebrows!" Layne joked as they turned the corner to walk down the stairs, making their way to the dining area of the facility to eat breakfast before going to their activities.

* * *

The pair had a quick breakfast, and made their way to yoga. Jussi noticed the odd looks that Layne was receiving for his outfit, but he didn't.

Layne honestly didn't give a fuck what any of the other junkies thought of him. To him, there was only Jussi and himself in his world, and he was focused on both of them getting better and getting the fuck out of there so they could start their life.

Yoga started out the normal way, everyone stretching and warming up. 

Layne and Jussi faced each other as they stretched. Jussi had gotten good at yoga. She knew the routine by now. She wasn't clumsy or awkward at it anymore.

They smiled at each other as they stretched. When Jussi bent down to touch her toes and stretch her legs, Layne made a noise at her.

"Mmm..." He smirked.

Jussi looked up at him and smirked, flipping him off.

"I'd love to." Layne smirked, stretching his torso.

"I know you would." Jussi smiled, stretching her biceps by putting her arm over over head and doing both of her arms the same way.

After a few minutes of stretching, they laid their mats out and the instructor was in the room, starting the class

Layne and Jussi got into the positions, which were like second nature to them at this point. During the yoga class, they would constantly steal glances at each other and laugh for no reason.

At one point Layne stumbled and fell flat on his stomach on his mat. Jussi saw him and both people lay there on their mats, hand over their mouth, at near tears as they laughed hard.

Neither person knew what was so funny, the fact that Layne had stumbled? They just couldn't stop laughing.

"Stop!" Layne whispered to Jussi, tears in his eyes.

"You stop!" Jussi interjected, burying her face in her arms, shoulders shaking as she laughed hard.

She snorted a little, causing some of the junkies to look back at the two, frowns on their faces.

Jussi looked up at Layne, lip trembling, eyes widened as she mouthed the word "oops."

Layne hit his mat he was laughing so hard. His face was red and tears streamed down his face.

The two just could not behave anymore in yoga or their meditation class. They found everything funny and would literally laugh together through most of the class on most days.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, the two composed themselves and got serious about yoga.

Jussi was doing what the instructor was doing and Layne felt like doing one of his favorite positions that felt good to his shoulders and back.

He sat on his mat, about to get himself into the position when he just happened to look towards the instructor and he saw a security guard come into the room and up to the instructor, whispering something to the woman.

The woman nodded and looked out into the crowd. Layne furrowed his brows slightly as he sat there. He had a feeling that the instructor was looking at him.

He sat there, watching the scene unfold as the security guard left out and the instructor instructed the class to keep doing the position that they were doing now.

Everyone seemed oblivious. Layne looked over to see Jussi in the down dog position, eyes closed like she was in deep concentration.

Layne's heart rate started to pick up when he saw the instructor making her way through the crowd. Somehow he knew she was coming up to him.

He wondered what the fuck was going on. Was he in trouble? He tried to rack his brain for anything he might have done. He hadn't done anything. He had done everything he was supposed to do. He and Jussi kept their fucking on the down low. They mostly did it at night. No one knew about their sexual relationship except for their doctors. They never spoke to any of the other junkies.

Layne looked up as the instructor came near him. His face tinged red. He could feel people looking back at him nosily.

He stood up as the instructor stood there and whispered something into his ear.

Meanwhile, Jussi had opened her eyes and just happened to glance over at her fiance to see him sitting on his mat, looking up at someone with furrowed brows.

She watched as he stood up and the yoga instructor whispered something in his ear, and he seemed to frown. She dropped down on her mat, laying on her stomach, looking over at Layne as he quietly replied back to her, nodding.

She finally went away, back to the front of the class and the junkies looked away.

Layne rolled up his mat, looking around and then looked down at Jussi.

"Babe? What's going on?" Jussi whispered loudly up at Layne.

Layne looked around, glaring at people who were still staring at him.

He leaned down, whispering in Jussi's ear.

"Babe apparently I have a visitor. I'm thinking it may be my mom or something...I don't know what's going on. It sounds serious...I gotta go...take my mat back to your room after this." Layne whispered.

Jussi furrowed her brows, biting her lip.

"Layne? How long are you gonna be gone?" Jussi asked, feeling a bit jealous that he was leaving her there alone.

"Not sure...just go to the next activity babe. I'll meet back up with you. I don't even know what's going on. I gotta go. I'll meet back up with you." Layne whispered, kissing her lips before quickly standing back up.

Jussi looked on, a frown on her face as Layne hastily left the class, closing the door behind him and disappearing. Jussi sighed, trying to focus on the yoga.

She wasn't used to being alone anymore. This was weird. She had a routine everyday that included Layne, and now he had some sort of visitor at the rehab. 

She felt jealous and worried and she wanted to be with him, not here alone.

She sighed, getting back in the down dog position, trying to clear her mind and not worry so much. She couldn't help but feel afraid at this interruption in their daily routine.

She hated the thought of the unknown.

* * *

Layne made his way through the rehab facility to the front, where his "visitor" was waiting. He had no idea who this person was that had came here to see him. He figured it might be his mom. He wondered what in the hell she could possibly want.

The yoga instructor had told him that he had a "visitor" waiting for him in the lobby of the rehab center and that it was "urgent." Layne's heart beat fast as he turned corners, walked down halls, across yards.

He finally made it to the entrance of the rehab. He walked slowly down the hall, dawned in Jussi's tight black, star designed leggings, his converse and a white band t shirt.

He stopped halfway, looking down at himself and shrugged. This was fucking rehab. This was as good as it would get. The small windows on the double doors that led into the lobby of the rehab were frosted and not see through. Layne had no idea who could be waiting for him on the other side of the door.

He walked over to the doors and sighed, trying to shake his nerves off.

He pushed the double doors opened and walked on through, looking around the lobby. He furrowed his brows, pursing his lips.

He turned his head to look over at the receptionist who was staring at a blonde haired woman with furrowed brows as she was going off on her.

"I haven't heard _anything_ from _my_ brother in months! He's supposed to be at this facility! I thought you were supposed to notify family if their loved one leaves the facility!" She exclaimed to the receptionist.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to calm down. I've already sent someone to find your brother! We will know what is going on shortly!" The receptionist frowned.

She was about to open her mouth again to tell the receptionist off some more, when Layne walked up.

"...Liz?" Layne asked, brows furrowed.

His heart was pounding in his chest. Oh that's right, his sister, it was Liz, the only person in his family who gave a fuck about him.

Liz frowned, looking over at Layne briefly before turning back to the receptionist. She did a double take, looking at Layne again.

"Layne!" She nearly screamed, grabbing her brother and hugging him tightly.

"Layne! Oh my god!" Liz exclaimed.

Layne glanced back at the receptionist who rolled her eyes. Layne frowned as his sister held onto him.

"C'mon sis, let's go sit down over there..." Layne replied softly, pointing to a couch situated in the lobby.

They walked over and sat down and Liz started to cry, hands over her face. Layne suddenly felt horrible. He sighed, rubbing her back.

"How you been doing sis? Everything alright?" Layne asked softly as she sat there sobbing.

She looked at Layne, eyes red and tear-stained.

"Layne you're a fucking asshole! You haven't called me in months! I didn't know whether you had left the rehab...and went back to drugs...I didn't know what the hell was going on with you! How could you do that to me!?" Liz exclaimed.

"Fuck..sis I'm sorry...I just got caught up with things around here. I'm so fucking sorry." Layne replied, feeling guilty.

Liz sniffled, hugging him again, grabbing a tissue from the box that was on the coffee table in front of them and blowed her nose.

They both sat there in awkward silence, and Liz smiled as she blew her nose, noticing her brother's attire.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Liz asked, smiling a little.

"Oh...uh, these are my yoga pants." Layne smiled, tugging at the thin fabric.

"You dork!" Liz smiled. 

Layne looked up to see his sister staring at him. He furrowed his brows slightly.

"What?" Layne asked softly.

"So I came all the way out here to see if you were still alive...and you are...Layne you're looking great...you don't look so pale anymore...your color has come back...tell me how you're doing. How is everything going?" Liz asked.

Layne smiled a little, hesitant.

"Uh well, actually Liz...things are going really fucking great." Layne smiled.

"I was concerned...I mean mom told me about the last time you called her...you didn't seem to be doing so great. And I figured you'd end up calling me...but you didn't. So I figured maybe you wanted your space...and it's been a few months and I hadn't heard anything from you so I decided to come down here to check on you. I was so worried about you Layne. You don't know how relieved I feel to hear and actually see...that you're doing well." Liz smiled and sniffled.

"Why you so concerned about me? You got a little one at home. He's top priority over me." Layne smiled a little, sadly, looking down.

"Layne, you're my brother, I care about you. I don't want you to die! I want you to live, I want you to be able to see Oscar grow up!" Liz replied, feeling her eyes tearing up again.

Layne laughed lightly, a smirk on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"How is the little guy anyway?" Layne asked.

"He's growing everyday. He's starting to talk. Oh my god he's getting into everything though. It's like a 24 hour job watching him. He tears into everything Layne!" Liz sniffled and smiled.

"I bet." Layne smiled.

"How are things here? How long do you have left here?" Liz asked.

"Well, I'm thinking one more month." Layne smiled.

"One more month? Layne! Oh my god! That's so great! I'm so proud of you! I'm so glad you're getting better! I hated seeing you living the way you were living...you don't deserve that!" Liz exclaimed.

Layne smiled, staring down and nodding.

"Yeah. Well...I just do my routine everyday. Yoga, meditation, art, meetings, therapy. It's really done wonders for me." Layne replied.

He looked over at his sister.

"I'm sorry you know." Layne replied softly.

"Sorry for what?" Liz asked, brows furrowed slightly.

"I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through with my use. I'm sorry you had to see me that way sis. Somewhere along the line...ah I just don't know...I was using it to hide my feelings...I don't wanna hide behind drugs anymore. I'm sorry." Layne said sadly.

"It's okay Layne. I'm just glad you're getting better. You look so good. I can't believe how dramatically you've changed over the months. I can tell you're getting better." Liz smiled.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. I've been so into my routine here, I forgot. I'm really sorry. I'll start calling you." Layne smiled.

"Yeah, because I love hearing from you." Liz smiled.

There was silence for a moment and then Layne spoke again.

"So...how's mom?" Layne asked hesitantly.

Liz laughed lightly.

"Oh...you know mom...she kind of gets on my nerves sometimes...sometimes she tries to tell me how to raise Oscar. You know how mom can get, always wants to be the boss of everything. She always asks about you. You know when I get back home she's going to call me and want to know everything that is going on with you." Liz smiled.

"Why can't she just call me here, or come see me herself?" Layne frowned slightly.

Liz sighed.

"Mom is freaked out by these places. Give her a break Layne. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of you so I can show mom. I can't get over how good you look." Liz smiled, admiring her brother.

Layne smiled awkwardly. There was more silence.

"Can I see where you're staying? Am I allowed back there?" Liz asked finally.

"Hmm? What? Oh uh, I guess. I think you have to wear a visitor's pass or something." Layne said quietly, brows furrowed at his sister.

"Okay, well can I see where you're staying? I'd love to see where you go everyday and stuff." Liz smiled.

"Um...I guess. It's not really _that_ interesting." Layne laughed lightly.

"Oh come on brother. I drove all the way up here to see you." Liz replied playfully, pinching Layne's shoulder.

"Alright, alright. C'mon." Layne smiled, standing up.

* * *

First, Layne walked his sister around the rehab center. She had on a bright red "visitor" sticker on her shirt. He showed her everywhere he went during his daily routines. He didn't see Jussi at all as he took his sister around. He figured now was not the right time for Jussi to be meeting his family.

In between stops Liz would bring up things from the past, funny stories and things that had happened to them. 

Layne took her to the beach and they stood around, talking and catching up. Liz told him about their family and what everyone was doing with their lives. Layne could care less but he listened to his sister talk anyway.

She looked so happy once she saw that Layne was doing okay. Layne was thinking of Jussi in the back of his mind. He nodded and acknowledged Liz as she'd talk.

After their conversation, which lasted nearly an hour, Layne bit his lip and raised his brows.

"So...um...this is pretty much it for this place." He said hesitantly, not sure how long she planned to stay.

He needed to get back to Jussi. 

Liz raised a brow and smirked at her brother.

"Not so fast. You didn't show me your room." Liz smirked.

"Oh...oh yeah. Well what are you my mother?" Layne smirked.

"C'mon Layne. I hardly see you anymore." Liz smiled, flipping her hair.

Layne sighed.

"Alright alright. I don't know why you wanna see all the shit here. It's no big deal. You're just nosy sis. You always have been." Layne chuckled.

"Shut up Layne!" Liz smiled.

"C'mon." Layne smiled.

* * *

Liz looked around as Layne fumbled with unlocking the door to his room. 

"It's pretty quiet here." Liz replied as Layne pushed the door open, cutting the lights on.

She stepped in after him and he closed the door behind her. Liz began to quickly look around every inch of the room.

"Um. This is it." Layne muttered, blushing at the way his room was.

It was a mess. There were clothes on the floor and the bedspread was tore up on the bed.

Layne quickly began to pick up his clothes, tossing them in the dirty clothes basket.

"This is a nice little room you have here Layne...quaint." Liz commented, looking around every inch.

Layne's heart nearly beat out of his chest as he saw his sketchpad, open and exposed on his nightstand, a hentai drawing of what was supposed to be he and Jussi in a random sexual position. 

Layne grabbed it, his back turned to Liz as he stared at it for a few seconds, his mind replaying the events of what had happened in this room a few nights ago.

_  
"Look babe..." Layne smirked as he and Jussi sat on Layne's bed, the covers pulled over their legs._

_He shoved his sketch pad towards Jussi. Jussi furrowed her brow and looked at it, biting her lip._

_"All you think about is sex Layne." Jussi smiled, looking at the drawing of she and him. She was riding his lap._

_"Yeah so. What do you think about the details and stuff?" Layne asked, biting his lip._

_"Good as always. It's just amazing to me how you see these things in your mind and you put them to paper." Jussi smiled._

_"I always see you in my mind babe." Layne sighed and smiled, leaning over and kissing her.  
_

"Layne!" Liz exclaimed.

Layne jumped and slammed the sketchpad closed, ripping open his nightstand drawer and throwing it in there and shutting it.

"Huh?" Layne asked.

"You are such a pig...oh my god look at all those candy bar wrappers!" Liz smiled, pointing to his small trashcan.

Layne blushed.

"Oh...oh yeah...well I was meaning to empty that...Just haven't gotten around to it..." Layne smiled. "Stop acting like mom!" 

Liz chuckled and started walking towards Layne's bed.

Layne looked over at the messy bed, his mind wandering to Jussi again.

_  
Layne smirked as he laid on his bed, on his stomach, his knees bent. He was between Jussi's legs as he pounded his fingers into her, biting his lip as he looked up at her._

_"Right there...babe...just keep doing what you're doing...fuck..." Jussi moaned, eyes shut tight as Layne continued to shove his fingers inside of her._

_They had been fooling around for nearly an hour, Layne searching for her g spot. Somehow they fell into a conversation about it and Jussi had revealed to Layne that she could have a "squirting" orgasm._

_Talking turned to foreplay and curiosity. This turned into action._

_Layne had been at it for an hour, toying around with her most intimate parts, wanting to see her explode with pleasure._

_He watched her with bright eyes as she writhed around, biting her knuckles._

_The only sounds in the room were her sharp breathes and light moans and the sound of Layne's fingers penetrating her moist opening._

_Suddenly Jussi arched her back, mouth forming an o, wincing and bucking her hips towards Layne's fingers._

_"Are you almost there?" Layne asked, feeling his fingers pruning as he continued to penetrate her._

_"Yes! Yes! Rub my clit!" Jussi moaned breathlessly, biting her lip as she sat up on her elbows, throwing her head back as she bucked into Layne's hand._

_Layne smiled and started to rub her clit with his other hand as he played with her intimate parts._

_He glanced up at her as her face began to turn red and he sped up his movements._

_Jussi suddenly began to shake, biting her knuckle and Layne could feel her insides begin to throb. He looked down, eyes lit up like a child's at Christmas as he pulled his fingers out, and continued to rub her clit at a fast pace as he watched her muscle throb, her pink parts seeming to glimmer in the light._

_He laughed maniacally to himself as he watched in amazement. Jussi let out another moan and Layne gasped when he saw a small burst of liquid escape from her vaginal opening and wet his sheets._

_"Holy fucking shit babe...was that it?" Layne asked excitedly, looking up to see Jussi drop down on the bed and groan in exhaustion._

_She nodded, eyes shut tight, hair matted to her forehead as her chest moved up and down rapidly._

_"Oh my fucking god...that was fucking hot. I gotta make you do that with my cock next time!" Layne exclaimed excitedly, dipping down between her legs to lap up the results of her orgasm with his tongue.  
_

Layne blinked and shook his head, looking up to see Liz about to sit down on the soiled bedsheets.

"Liz!" Layne exclaimed, startling her.

"What!?" Liz frowned, looking at Layne.

"Hold on...uh, I need to change the bedsheets here...Um...they've been on a while...Just give me a sec here..." Layne mumbled, embarrassed.

He didn't want his sister sitting down on the dirty bed where he fucked his fiance night after night. 

Layne quickly stripped the bed, glancing up at Liz every now and then, seeing her watching him with furrowed brows. As he held the wad of sheets and comforter as he made his way to the clothes basket, a pair of Jussi's panties fell to the floor.

Layne stuffed the sheets and comforter into the dirty clothes basket and then turned around and looked at the bed and then down at the floor.

He jumped, eyes widened as he grabbed the dark purple panties off of the floor, quickly stuffing them down in the dirty clothes basket.

He didn't make eye contact with Liz as he opened the small closet in his room, taking out fresh sheets and beginning to make his bed.

Liz was silent as Layne made the bed with the new sheets. He smoothed everything out and then he finally looked at her, face red.

"Um. Okay. Now you can sit down."

Liz sat down, a brow raised as she looked at Layne, crossing her arms over her chest. Layne sat down beside her, biting his lip and raising his brows at her.

"So uh. This is it. This is where I stay." Layne said awkwardly.

"Layne. Did I just see a pair of women's underwear on your floor?" Liz asked, lips pursed.

"What? No?" Layne lied, feeling his heart start to beat fast.

"Layne. I'm not stupid. I just saw them with my very own eyes. You know what. Mom had mentioned to me that you have some sort of girlfriend here." Liz pointed out.

Layne was silent, bottom lip quivering as he looked forward, gripping the edge of the bed. He shrugged his shoulders and nodded, slowly looking up at Liz, a smile creeping onto his face.

"Well...yeah...I do got a girlfriend Liz." Layne said softly, smiling at her.

"That's great...I guess?" Liz said hesitantly.

"Liz...this girl...she's amazing. I love her so fucking much. It's like, she complements me, you know? She's so beautiful and funny...she's really smart but she doesn't give herself credit for that...she's getting better though. Liz she's so nice. You should meet her one day. I'm so in love with her." Layne smiled and sighed.

"So you two, I mean...you're having sex with this girl?" Liz asked hesitantly.

"Uh...not that it's any of your business sis...and that's a totally weird question to be asking me, but...yeah. Alright? Yeah...I love her." Layne said softly, wringing his hands together.

"Layne, are you sure that's the right thing to be doing at a place like this? I mean..." Liz trailed off.

"Liz. Chill out. I love her. She loves me. She's just like me. She was addicted just like me. We're getting better together. She's my best friend. She really understands me. She makes me want to be a better person. I love showing her how much I love her, and she gives it back to me as hard as I give it to her..." Layne chuckled.

"OKAY. Too much information big brother. But Layne, are you sure this is real? I mean...this is rehab and all...you were very vulnerable when you came here..." Liz said hesitantly.

Layne frowned, looking at Liz.

"Liz, you don't even know her! Please don't act like mom. Mom doesn't get it. I would think that you would get this. I'm gonna marry her. We've got it all planned out...after she gets out...I'm gonna marry her. As soon as possible. I'm gonna show her a good life. Liz, she's had a really shitty life. You don't even know the half of it. She pretty much grew up with no parents...was treated poorly by men, never had anyone to be close to...lived from day to day...was addicted to heroin and wanted to die. I'm just, so amazed by her. She's been through all of that and she had the strength to come here and I fucking admire her for that. 

She doesn't give herself enough credit. Liz...she's so sweet and pretty and funny. She makes me happy. She gave me a purpose. She gave me a purpose to get through this thing. I gotta do it for her. To be with her. To continue helping her get better. She's really messed up. I'm thinking she'll have to continue getting therapy even after she finishes.

It's worth it though. It's all worth it to be with her." Layne sighed and smiled.

Liz bit her lip as she watched her brother speak highly of this woman who he had apparently fallen in love with at the rehab center.

"But Layne...I can't help but be worried. Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Liz asked, sighing.

"Of course I know what I'm doing! I'm no fool Liz! I've finally had a breakthrough with this girl. She trusts me completely. She had issues opening up to me...but she finally did, and now our relationship is stronger than ever.

Liz she was in so much debt when she got here. She was struggling to stay in here. She was in so much debt..." Layne replied.

Liz gasped.

"Layne. No you didn't...tell me you didn't..." Liz replied.

Layne frowned.

"What? Yeah, I paid her debt off for her. Liz...don't form any opinions. You're not getting it. You don't understand how much we love each other! This is real! This is beyond drugs. She _is_ my drug! I don't fucking need drugs anymore as long as I have her!" Layne exclaimed.

"I'm just worried brother. You know I can't help it. I mean, how do you know she's not just using you for your money? How do you know she's just not looking for a free ride?" Liz replied.

"That's just it. She's not. Liz! She didn't even want to tell me about her debt problems. She has no idea who Alice in Chains is. She never heard of me." Layne replied.

"C'mon Layne, really? You believe that?" Liz asked, putting her hair behind her ear.

Layne stood up, feeling anger boiling inside of him. He walked over to the window to his room and peeked through the blinds, silent.

Liz kept going.

"Layne. I'm worried hon. I'm worried that you're only with this girl to fill the void of drugs. I mean, the point of rehab is to get better, focus on getting better and reflect on how you've hurt the people around you, and meet goals to make yourself better. This isn't a hotel. It's a rehab facility. I mean, what if this girl relapses when you two, get out or whatever, and she brings you down with her? Layne I want you better! I don't want you going down that road again!" Liz replied, feeling her eyes tear up.

She was worried about Layne. 

Layne was silent as he looked out the window, angry tears forming in his eyes. They fell down his face and he sniffled and began to talk.

"You know, I thought _you_ of all people wouldn't judge me Liz. I thought you fucking cared about me. I'm sorry I haven't called...I've been spending time with this amazing woman, who makes me feel fucking important...like I matter. I'm everything to her, and I love that. I need it. 

You don't even know her and you're assuming shit about her. She's not fucking using me. Everyone acts like I don't know what I'm fucking doing. Well I'm not a fucking idiot. I know when someone's using me. 

She's not using me. She loves me, and I love her, and I'm marrying her and I don't care what you, or mom, or anyone fucking says.

We're getting better together. And I can't wait to fucking get out of here and get to live a new life with her. 

I've finally found someone I love, someone who makes me so fucking happy, and you and mom are shitting all on it. 

You don't even know her. You don't know her." Layne sniffled, putting his hands to his face and sobbing lightly.

Liz felt a little guilty. She stood up, coming towards Layne.

"I'm sorry Layne. I'm sorry. I know, I just can't help but worry you know? I'm just worried about you. I just don't want you to do anything that would make you go back to the way you were. 

I'm sorry. I'll try to have an open mind. I'll try. If she truly makes you happy, that's fine by me." Liz sighed.

Layne turned around, wiping his eyes and looking at his sister.

"I finally get to be happy. I'm finally happy. I'm almost done with this fucking program. And I have no desire to do drugs anymore as long as she's around. She's amazing." Layne sniffled.

"I know. I'm sorry Layne. I'm sorry. I didn't come here to judge you. I just wanted to know that you're okay." Liz sighed.

Layne moved forward and hugged his sister. He pulled away and smiled, sniffling.

"Yeah Liz. I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay. Wanna see some of the drawings I've done? I'm thinking about becoming a full-time artist once I get out!" Layne smiled excitedly, changing the subject.

"Sure. I'd love to." Liz smiled, sitting back on the bed.

She was still feeling hesitant about her brother's new "relationship." She would try with all her might not to have bad feelings about this. She would try to stay positive for her brother.

Layne fished out his "innocent" sketchpad with his normal drawings in it. He sat beside his sister on the bed and began to show her things he had been working on.

Liz smiled as she was let into a personal aspect of her brother's mind. She looked over his drawings and listened as he explained them to her. 

She smiled and would look at him every now and then as he stared down at his drawings, telling her about them. She did notice that there was a brightness in her brother's eyes, that she hadn't seen in a very long time.

He seemed positive and happy. She couldn't help but smile as she listened to him go on and on about his drawings.

It wasn't long that they were sitting there before there was a knock at Layne's door. Layne was startled, stopping what he was saying mid sentence, furrowing his brows and looking at the door.

"Someone's knocking." Liz replied, looking over to the door.

Layne sighed and got up, brows furrowed as he walked over to his door, looking out of the peephole.

He gasped and looked back at Liz.

"Sit tight sis. I'll be back." Layne smiled.

"Alright." Liz smiled, grabbing Layne's sketchpad and looking through it.

Meanwhile, Layne opened the door and stepped outside of his room, closing the door behind him. Jussi was standing there, looking at Layne with a sad look on her face.

"Babe..hey..." Layne said softly, smiling and wrapping his arms around her.

"What's going on?" Jussi asked softly. 

"Nothing really." Layne began.

"You've been gone for hours. Is something wrong? Who's in your room? I heard talking. It sounded like a woman." Jussi replied, feeling a lump in her throat.

Layne chuckled lightly, shaking his head.

"Jussi...nothing's wrong...that's my sister. My sister was worried about me and she came out here to check on me. That's what it was." Layne said softly.

"Oh." Jussi mumbled, resting her head against Layne's chest, her fist balled up and against his chest as well.

Layne wrapped his arms around her and sighed, nuzzling his nose into her hair.

"I'm sorry. Things just got crazy. I haven't been calling my sister and she was freaking out. I've been showing her around the facility and stuff. She wants to see what I'm doing in here and stuff." Layne smiled, kissing her hair.

Jussi was silent and Layne pulled away, hands still on her hips as he looked at her.

"Babe?" He asked, brows slightly furrowed.

Jussi put her hand to her forehead, trying her hardest not to cry but the tears formed and fell down her face.

"Don't cry Jussi. What is it?" Layne asked softly, kissing her cheek as he held onto her.

"Nothing. I just didn't know what was going on and I was scared." Jussi sniffled.

Layne pursed his lips.

"Is that it?" He asked softly, kissing her forehead.

Jussi shook her head, sniffling.

"Out with it babe." Layne smiled, leaning in and kissing her.

"I don't know...you've got someone who cares. I just thought about how I don't got no one I guess." Jussi mumbled looking down.

"You've got me. I'm all you need. Don't freak out. How many times do I gotta tell you you're doing good? Just relax. I'm real sorry about not being there with you today. Things just got kinda crazy...catching up with my sis. Do you wanna meet my sister?" Layne asked softly, kissing her forehead, cheek then her lips.

"I don't know..." Jussi said shyly.

"C'mon babe. Meet my sister. She's cool. She's real nice. Don't be afraid. I'll be there with you." Layne smiled.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that..." Jussi replied self consciously. 

"Babe. Please...just meet her. She doesn't bite. Please do it for me. I love you Justine...pleeease..." Layne begged softly, pouting hard at her.

She looked at him, sniffling, a hint of a smile on her lips as she looked down and then up at him. 

She reached out and pinched the fabric of the leggings he was still wearing.

"You've been wearing that all day? You dork..." Jussi smiled softly.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Don't hate on my outfit! So will ya?" Layne smiled, biting his lip.

Jussi smiled and nodded. She still felt hesitant about meeting Layne's sister but she knew this was just something she had to do for Layne.

"Great! Fuck I love you!" Layne exclaimed, pulling her in for a quick, passionate kiss. "Stay here, I'll be back, gonna let my sister know!" 

Jussi stood there as Layne disappeared back into the room. She stood there, arms crossed, staring down. She put her hair behind her ears. She didn't feel pretty in her old t shirt and sweatpants. She wished she had a dress or something to wear. She didn't hardly have anything. She used to have a lot of stripper outfits, but she threw those out. 

A few minutes later, Layne opened the door, peeking his head out.

"Babe...come in...meet my sister Liz." Layne smiled softly.

Jussi felt like she couldn't breath as Layne opened the door. She slowly stepped over the thresh hold, Layne shutting the door behind her.

She looked up, looking at Layne's sister, smiling softly.

"Hey." Liz smiled standing up.

Layne stood beside Jussi, his arm around the small of her back. Liz came over to Jussi and Jussi smiled.

"Hi." She said softly.

She studied Layne's sister's features. She looked similar to Layne, but with different eyes. 

Layne quickly broke the silence as the two women stared at each other.

"Liz, this is Justine...my fiance....Jussi, this is my sister Liz." Layne smiled.

Jussi smiled at Liz, looking down and putting her hair behind her ears.

"So Jussi, Layne has been telling me a lot about you in the past few hours...he says you like art too." Liz replied, trying to start a conversation with her.

"Um...yeah I do. I mean, I'm not as good at it as Layne...but, I think I'd like to paint. I guess." Jussi said softly, glancing up at Liz.

They all sat at the foot of Layne's bed again, Layne between the girls. Layne kept his arm around Jussi as he and Liz continued to talk. 

Jussi was fairly silent, speaking only when Layne tried to include her in the conversation. She felt really awkward in front of Layne's sister. She was paranoid that Layne's sister didn't like her. Jussi had nothing to talk about. She hadn't done anything very productive in her life and she felt guilty about that. 

Layne's sister was going on and on about her job and her family. Jussi had none of those things. The more Jussi heard Liz talk, the more upset she became. 

She got up while Layne and Liz were talking. Layne glanced over at Jussi quickly as she got up but turned his attention back to Liz. Jussi went into Layne's bathroom and shut the door, sitting on the closed lid toilet and put her face in her hands, beginning to cry.

Meanwhile, Layne and Liz were conversing for nearly 20 minutes straight when Layne started looking at the bathroom door.

He looked over at the time on his digital clock on his nightstand.

"She's been in there for a while? Is everything okay?" Liz asked softly.

"I don't know..." Layne replied, brows furrowed.

"She's really shy. She doesn't talk much does she?" Liz asked softly.

"Psst. She's only shy around people she doesn't hardly know." Layne smiled, getting up and going over to the bathroom door.

He knocked on it lightly.

"Babe? You okay in there?" Layne asked, putting his ear to the door.

Liz sat on the bed and watched as Layne knocked on the door. After a few minutes, the bathroom door cracked open and Layne peeked inside.

"Jussi..." Layne sighed as the door was opened just enough for him to squeeze in.

Liz furrowed her brows as she listened to them in the bathroom. The door was not closed completely so she could hear everything they were saying.

"Babe? What is it now? What's wrong?" Layne asked softly, wrapping his arms around his tear stricken fiance.

"She doesn't like me. I can tell." Jussi whispered loudly.

"What? She likes you, I swear. How can someone not like you babe? You're the nicest person I know. She likes you, I assure you." Layne said softly.

"I just feel like she thinks I'm wrong for you or something. She's so established...I'm nothing. I'm just worthless..." Jussi whispered, tears pouring down her face.

"You aren't worthless. You mean everything to me. You'll be there one day babe. It's going to take time. I wish you would stop doubting yourself. It hurts me when you do that. I wish you'd see yourself like I see you." Layne sighed as he hugged her.

"Look at my clothes, I feel ugly. I feel really ugly Layne. I don't think I've ever felt pretty in my life." Jussi cried.

"Babe...you are not ugly....C'mon, calm down. Just breath. Relax and breath. Liz is not judging you. Honest. Just trust me. I wouldn't bring you around anyone I feel like would hurt you. She understands some of what you're going through. I told her about you. She knows I love you. Everything's going to be okay Jussi. I promise. It's going to be okay.

Are you gonna be alright?" Layne asked softly.

Jussi sniffled and nodded.

"Get yourself together, okay babe?" Layne said softly.

Jussi nodded and Layne kissed her and smiled.

"Cheer up babe." 

He walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He sighed, raising his brows and looking over at Liz before sitting back down on the bed.

"Is she going to be okay?" Liz asked.

"Yeah. She just has these phases. She's just not used to all of this stuff. She's working on it in therapy." Layne said softly.

Liz smiled, staring at Layne.

"What?" Layne asked after a while.

"You're in love aren't you?" Liz smiled.

Layne smiled and nodded.

"I can tell she really loves you Layne. That's so sweet. She seems really shy. I hope she'll open up more as she gets to know me." Liz smiled.

"She will." Layne smiled. "That means everything to me...that you approve Liz. She makes me really happy. She isn't usually this way. One day you'll see her when she's at her best."

Liz smiled at her brother. Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Jussi stepped out, trying to play it off like she had been crying.

Layne and Liz stood up. To Layne and Jussi's surprise, Liz rushed over to Jussi and hugged her. Jussi's eyes widened and she looked over Liz's shoulder at Layne.

Layne smiled and shrugged.

Liz pulled away and smiled at Jussi.

"Layne says you don't have any family. Well you do now Justine. You make my brother so happy. Please don't stop making my brother happy. He's doing so well. I'm so glad to see him so happy." Liz smiled.

Jussi was blushing. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled lightly.

"It's okay. We'll become best friends as we get to know each other." Liz smiled playfully, breaking the awkward silence.

Jussi smiled, looking down at the ground. Layne felt relieved that his sister was realizing that Jussi was not a bad person.

Jussi was his soul mate.

* * *

_A Few Weeks Later_

Jussi was laying in Layne's bed when he entered the room. She was watching TV and looked over to see him holding a yellow package, brows furrowed as he stared down at it.

"What's that?" Jussi asked, glancing over at Layne as he came towards the bed.

"It's from Liz...it's for you." Layne said, sounding surprised.

"For me?" Jussi asked, sitting up in bed, confused.

"Yeah." Layne replied holding the package up to her and pointing.

On the back of the package, Liz had written "For Justine" on it.

"Here." Layne replied, tossing the package in Jussi's lap.

He sat on the bed and took his shoes off and sat on the bed beside her, looking on as she looked at the package.

Jussi slowly tore it open, pouring the contents of the yellow package onto the bed. She picked up the folded note that was inside of it and took it out and read it to herself.

_  
Justine,_

_Just thought I'd send you a few things that every woman can't live without. Hope you like the shades I picked out. I tried to pick out things that matched your hair color and eye color._

_Keep making my brother happy please. :)_

_-Liz  
_

Jussi picked up the lipstick that was in there and took the plastic off of it, opening it and looking at the nude pink color. She smiled huge as she retracted it and put the top back on and looked at the brown eye shadow and mascara and black eyeliner that Layne's sister had sent to her.

"You don't need any of that you know." Layne replied, smiling.

He would have to thank his sister next time he called her. Jussi looked very excited about this make up.

"You're so beautiful without make up." Layne smiled.

Jussi got up and took all of her new make up in the bathroom, ready to put it on.

"Yeah I know, but I miss wearing it." Jussi muttered as she stood in the mirror, immediately beginning to apply her new make up.

Layne sat there, looking at the note from Liz, putting it on his nightstand and gathering the plastic and stuffing it into the yellow envelope and throwing it in the trash.

"Layne..." Jussi called.

Layne looked up at Jussi, who was standing on the other side of the bed in the make up, smiling at Layne.

Layne's eyes widened. His mouth was slightly agape as he stared at Jussi. She was so beautiful. She looked confident in her new make up.

"What do you think?" Jussi smiled, putting her hands on her hips as she smiled at Layne, popping her lips together and batting her eyelashes.

"I think we're gonna miss our activities today." Layne muttered, pressing down on his lap as he stared at her in awe.

Jussi giggled as she crawled on the bed and straddled Layne, leaning down and kissing him.


	9. Getting Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come get me. I'm getting out of here Liz." Layne sniffled, tears pouring down his cheeks. "I completed the program. My therapist just cleared me. I'm done. I finished."

Layne closed the door behind him as he left his therapist's office. He walked down the hall and out of the building, standing outside and staring down into space. He furrowed his brows, his heart racing, his face flushed. He pressed his hands together in a prayer motion, cupping his nose and his mouth with them. His eyes darted back and forth as he stared down at the ground, brimming with tears.

His back was against the brick building as he stood there, people passing him by as he seemed to be the only person in his universe at that point.

He was shaken up. He didn't know what to do. He needed a phone. He needed the nearest phone. He sighed shakily, wiping his eyes as he made his way to the lobby of the rehab center, where there were payphones at.

He didn't even care, he needed to call someone immediately. He fished in his pocket, pulling out change and counting it in his hand. He put the quarters into the payphone and called Liz's number.

"Please pick up...please..." Layne whispered, sighing shakily.

After a few minutes, Layne heard a deep voice answer the phone. It was Liz's husband, Greg.

"Hello?"

"Greg? It's Layne. Is Liz around?" Layne asked, trying to keep his composure as best he could.

"Layne! Hey! Yeah! One second!" Greg exclaimed.

Layne tapped his foot impatiently, his forehead rested against the white wall as he held the phone up to his ear, biting his lip.

"...Layne? Layne hey." Liz's voice sounded on the other end.

Layne could hear crying in the background.

"Hey Liz...what's all that noise?" Layne asked, smiling, his eyes brimming with tears again.

"That's Oscar...he's such a troublemaker! He's being so annoying today, getting into everything! We just punished him and now he's acting out. Being a parent is _a lot_ of work!" Liz sighed.

"...That's just...great Liz..." Layne replied, voice cracking.

"Layne? Everything okay hon?" Liz asked, hearing the tone of Layne's voice.

"I need you to come get me tomorrow." Layne replied, barely breathing.

"Come get you? What? What do you mean?" Liz asked.

"Come get me. I'm getting out of here Liz." Layne sniffled, tears pouring down his cheeks. "I completed the program. My therapist just cleared me. I'm done. I finished." 

"Layne...oh my god! Oh my god...I was supposed to do this thing at work tomorrow...I'm going to cancel everything! Oh my god Layne this is so great! I'm so proud of you!" Liz exclaimed on the phone.

Layne sniffled.

"I know...I know...13 fucking tries...I can't believe I finally finished...I feel so fucking great. This is like a dream to me..." Layne trailed off.

"What time do I need to be there!?" Liz exclaimed.

"Around 11am." Layne smiled.

"I'll be there, I swear! Layne...this is so great! Wait, Is Jussi coming with you? What's going on, are you going to go back to your condo? I don't think you should Layne...you guys can stay over here until you figure something out! I'll move all of the junk out of the guest room! I'll make Greg do it right now! You don't have to make any quick decisions...take all the time you need!" Liz exclaimed.

"Yeah...I don't wanna go back to that condo...I'm gonna get my stuff...I'd appreciate it if you'd go with me...I don't wanna go over there by myself...I'm gonna gut it out and sell it...and I have to talk to Jussi. She's not done yet. It depends on what she wants to do Liz. If she wants to stay...I'm gonna take my car and drive back up here...probably live at a hotel near here until she finishes...this is all happening so fast. I haven't talked to her yet about it. I don't even know what we're gonna do...all I know is I'm so ready to get out of here. I have to sign some papers tomorrow and I need a family member there for support..." Layne replied.

"Right. Yeah I'm gonna be there! Oh Layne, I'm so glad you did this...I love you." Liz smiled.

"I love you too sis...listen, I'm gonna get going...gonna tell Jussi." Layne sniffled.

"Alright alright. I'll be there at 11!" Liz exclaimed.

"Liz?" Layne asked.

"Yeah?" 

"Please don't tell mom about this. I'm not ready for her to know yet. Okay. I need some time...you're the only person I trust right now. Please don't tell mom I'm getting out." Layne replied softly.

"I won't. Whatever you want Layne. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." Liz replied.

"Yeah. Bye." 

Layne hung up the phone and stood there for a moment, hand on the phone still as it sat on the hook. He stared into space. He sighed as he backed away from the payphone, running his hands through his curls, taking deep breaths.

He was scared. This had actually worked out. He hadn't expected it to. He had expected to leave after 3 months and give up, going back to his condo and going back to the way things were until he died. But it didn't go that way.

Things actually worked out for him.

Layne sighed as he stood there, thinking about things. This was all too much. There was so much stuff he needed to do when he got back home. There suddenly seemed like there wasn't enough time in the day to figure anything out. Layne shook his head, coming out of his head. He looked around.

Before he made any decisions about anything, he needed to tell Jussi. He needed to know what Jussi wanted to do. He really didn't want to leave her here by herself.

Layne sighed, going off to find Jussi so he could tell her the good news.

* * *

Layne made his way to their building, making his way up to Jussi's room. His heart beat fast as he stood there in front of her door. He sighed, lifting his arm up and knocking lightly on her door. Their lives were about to change. He knew it was coming, but he didn't think so soon.

He had been here a year. He couldn't believe he had been at a rehab facility this long.

Just as Layne was lost in his thoughts, the door opened and Jussi was standing there, smiling at him.

"Hey babe. Therapy done? Ready for Yoga?" Jussi asked, standing there in her yoga outfit.

"Justine...I'm not going to yoga today. I'm not going to anything. We need to talk babe." Layne replied, looking at her with his brows furrowed.

Jussi furrowed her brows too, stepping aside to let Layne into her room. Layne sighed as he walked in, and she shut the door behind him, locking it.

"Layne? What's going on?" Jussi asked hesitantly, walking over and sitting beside Layne on the bed.

She sat beside Layne. He had bad vibes coming off of him. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach from his tone of voice. Her breath caught in her throat as she sat beside him, studying him. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring down at the floor straight ahead, brows furrowed like he had something on his mind.

He sighed, rubbing his thighs with his hands.

"Well? What is it? Are you breaking up with me or something?" Jussi asked, feeling a lump in her throat, assuming the worst.

She was feeling happy and chipper about their day until Layne showed up with this sour look on his face. He was suddenly acting different and she was scared to find out why.

Layne looked over at Jussi, squinting his eyes.

"No I'm not fucking breaking up with you Justine. I would _never_ leave you. Please don't start that..." Layne sighed.

"Then why are you acting like this?" Jussi asked, looking down at her legs, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I'm just fucking stunned is all babe." Layne started, sliding closer to her.

He put his arm around her waist.

"Justine...I'm getting out tomorrow." Layne said slowly, looking over at her.

She gasped, eyes widened as she looked at Layne.

"Getting out? Layne...that's...good..." Jussi replied, heart racing, the lump in her throat burning.

"Yeah. Yeah it is. My therapist cleared me today. I still have to get therapy when I get back home...I've called Liz. Liz is coming to get me at 11 in the morning. I'm going to pack up today." Layne said softly.

"So...you're leaving." Jussi started, rubbing her chin. "What about me?" She asked, voice cracking as her tears started to fall.

Layne rubbed her back, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

"It's whatever you want to do baby. I'm here for you. I know you aren't done yet with your program. I want you to be better. I'll live in a hotel in town and come see you everyday if you want. We'll talk on the phone all the time when you're not busy." Layne said softly.

"But I'll always be busy...you know the schedule around here...you'd only have a few hours to visit me...we'd only be able to talk on the phone at night..." Jussi sobbed, putting her head in her hands.

"Don't you think it's best you finish? I don't want you to relapse. I want you to have the best care...I just want to make sure you're okay." Layne said softly.

"But...I can't do this without you Layne...what if you leave and you see someone else out there and you leave me here...Layne I knew this was going to happen. I knew you were going to get out before me...." Jussi sobbed, beginning to freak out.

Layne sighed, wrapping his arms around her.

"Babe calm down...just calm down. You know damned well I'm not going to fucking cheat on you. Justine, you're feeling panicked and you need to calm down. We're just weighing our options here." Layne said softly as he hugged her.

"I can't do this by myself here...if you're not here, I don't want to be here!" Jussi sobbed against Layne, burying her face into his neck.

"You don't have to babe. You don't have to...you can just leave tomorrow. But I'm telling you, I can live in a hotel down the street until you finish...it'd be tough for a while...but I'm sure we can pull through anything." Layne sighed.

"I can't be here without you...I'm so used to being with you all the time...I don't want to be without you Layne...I want to leave with you...please let me go with you..." Jussi cried, holding Layne tightly.

"Babe you can go. I'm just worried about you...you're going to still need counseling. We'll just get you a new doctor back at home. You don't have to stay here by yourself." Layne sighed, kissing her hair.

"I don't want to be here without you. I think I'm doing really good..." Jussi sniffled. "I don't want the drugs anymore...as long as I can be with you. I've been here long enough...my withdrawals are long gone...I haven't had any smack in months. I don't need it as long as I have you..."

Layne hugged her tight, kissing her lips.

"You won't. You'll pack your things and we'll go to the front office and tell them you're leaving. We'll go back with Liz, and she says we can stay at her place until we figure something out. We'll figure this out together Jussi. I'd never make you stay here. I need you just as much as you need me. You're right...it would suck not to be able to wake up to you. I've gotten so used to it too. Babe. Things are gonna work out...we're gonna start our life tomorrow. I can't wait to get out of here..." Layne sighed as he kept his forehead pressed against hers.

Jussi sniffled.

"I'm scared Layne." She admitted.

"That's okay to be scared. I'm fucking scared to Justine. I mean...I actually finished rehab...I can't fucking believe this. Remember I told you I went like, 13 fucking times. If it wasn't for you...I'd be fucking dead. I fucking love you. I can't wait to get my car back...we'll have freedom. I'm gonna take you to get married. That's the first thing I wanna do, before we do anything...make sure we're married. You drop your last name and take mines and start your new life. No one will ever hurt you again, no one's gonna bother us ever again. I'll make sure of it. We're gonna have a nice and quiet life. We're gonna figure it out." Layne smiled, assuring her.

Tears fell down Jussi's face as she listened to Layne's words. She smiled and they kissed passionately.

"I'm sorry I've wasted your money in rehab, I'm not even going to finish." Jussi pouted.

"It's okay babe...It was worth it. We'll get you set up at home...and if you need to go to meetings and things, we'll find a place at home...a place where I can go with you. I'm so fucking happy. I finally found someone who loves me and is not out to use me...and I'm fucking clean. I never thought I'd be clean...ever..." Layne smiled.

"Me neither..." Jussi smiled, stroking Layne's hair.

The two sat on Jussi's bed, embracing each other, enjoying the silence.

"We're gonna have a great life Justine." Layne smiled at his future wife.

* * *

For the rest of the day, the pair helped each other pack up their things, which didn't take very long. Layne called Liz back to let her know that Jussi was coming with them. At this point, Jussi couldn't live without Layne. She didn't even care about finishing rehab. She knew in her heart that she was done with drugs, but Layne was right, she would still need therapy.

The hours ticked away slowly as the next day approached. Jussi could not hardly sleep as Layne slept away. Her life was about to take a new direction and she wasn't sure how it was going to turn out.

All she had ever known in her life was unstable, and now with Layne she was going to be stable. It frightened her and made her happy at the same time.

It was all happening so fast as the next day they were dragging their bags to the front of the rehab, Jussi waiting as Layne and Liz went to talk to the people who were clearing Layne so he could get his little certificate. When Layne and Liz were done, Layne went back to the financial office with Jussi for support as she cancelled her services.

It felt like they were getting out of prison as they all finally left. Liz was blabbing on excitedly about the room she had prepared for the and everything she wanted to do that day. Layne and Jussi held each others hand tight.


End file.
